When I was a child my family would go to hotels several times a year for long weekends in the Catskills. Every three years we would go to Miami Beach for two weeks.
The hotels, especially in the Catskills, had these horrible horrible dining rooms that were pure torture
for me called children's dining rooms. Everybody else, especially my sister, loved them. How many times can I say I hated them? I would beg my
parents to let me go to meals with them and sometimes they would give in.
But my father couldn't understand why such a beautiful bright girl like me (he was biased) didn't want to be with her peers. I never objected to going to day camp in Queens and later sleep away camp in those same Catskills. I had friends at camp. In hotels I would have to meet new kids or hang out with second cousins three times removed.
Discounting the extreme anxiety I have felt throughout my life that I think was caused by other things nonverbal learning disorder (NLD) related, I think my father was right in making me hang out with other kids. Except for the horrible Junior High years when I only had two friends--both from camp, I have always had friends.
My cup runneth over from my late teens through my late 30's. I excelled at the friendship game. And wasn't too shabby at the boyfriend races. How did I meet them? Oh my on and off college boyfriend has a flippant but great answer: "you tripped and I fell in love." (He's a king of exaggeration so discount half of both parts of that answer. And I do wish he had told me this 40 years ago.)
People are inherently social. If I focus on my problems I get nothing in return, nothing. If I forget about my problems, I'm funny, interesting to talk to, and wore the funkiest coolest clothes in college. I was a strange mix of introvert and extrovert; a person who desired attention and a person who wanted to fall into the ground--I did believe you could dig a hole to China well into my 30's.
I know I misread social cues and body language when I was in my late teens to mid 20's. But as Woody Allen famously said: "persistence is 90% of success." I pretended not to have flopped and persisted so I succeeded.
My father did eventually say he never saw somebody fall off a horse so many times, shake themselves and get back on. Of course that's not literal! My literalism is much more sophisticated. I follow directions explicitly or not at all. Same goes for rules. If I'm told to write on a subject I write on that subject exactly. Though I'm very creative it doesn't show then.
I'm not married nor do I have children. To many people that's a sign of social failure. To me it was a rational decision made because I didn't want to inflict my problems on others.
Have I told you how much I regret those decisions? As I said I'm intensely social. It was easy for me to meet men at school, in clubs and at work. I could make friends on the street.
I hyperfocus on many subjects so I'm a constant font of information. Sometimes I talk way too much. But you know what? More people than you would think find that endearing when I don't monopolize the conversation.
After I learned about NLD I became NLD. The literature said people like me who had never been treated for NLD were institutionalized or committed suicide. The literature said I should be friendless and love to be a recluse. I tried that out and that's when I understood why people with NLD might become institutionalized.
The literature said that my reading comprehension should be poor. Do you know I spent two years believing that? And the next two years apologizing for understanding what I read. I learn by reading and then writing a short summary and adding an opinion.
I learn from my mistakes though I found myself apologizing for that too.
What I suffer from are the visual/spatial and organizational aspects of NLD. When I'm at a cash register I can subtract the change way faster than the cashier but have trouble physically handling the change. Thus I have the largest change collection in the world. That was good when I lived in New York and needed change for the laundry and/or the bus. Here I tell people I'm hoarding change in case the banking system fails. It works for both Democrats and Republicans as all Americans have reasons to believe the banking system will fail.
I know that many people believe if you don't have reading comprehension problems NLD and aren't literal you have it much easier. I believe that every person who has NLD has difficulties that others can't begin to comprehend.
I wish I had learned I had NLD much earlier as I did change for the better once the initial shock wore off. After I realized that I wasn't suicidal or belonged in an institution I reclaimed my life in ways I never had before.
Where before I had only been assertive in school and work now I became assertive in my personal life. I have a long way to go but I know I will get to the finish line in triumph not despair.
And I thank my father, who is up there somewhere, for never giving up on me, and for making me eat in the children's dining room. Though daddy it was a bit absurd at 40. (Kidding.)
