Odd Girl In

I never had a panic attack, but I too felt physically ill when my notebook was inspected. My brain didn't work the same way that other kids' did. I could absorb the important parts of a lecture while reading a book under my desk-- which I still say did wonders for my education-- but I couldn't for the life of me take useful notes. If I had to turn them in in, I either got a failing grade or it was one of the days where I thought ahead and copied them from someone else, with some judicious filing of serial numbers.

As a senior in High School I got a C in economics (not ordinary HS econ; this was identical to the AP course only minus the college credit), but there wasn't anyone in the class who got better grades on tests and quizzes, or who had a better understanding of the material than I did. The teacher made notes 40% of the grade. He never understood that not everyone fit his model of what makes a good student.

And that's a mistake that's made even by some brilliant educators. And as you've pointed out, even the most dedicated parents can fail to understand their childs' educational needs.

Thanks for writing this, Pia. Everyone who's a teacher or the parent of a school-age child should read it.

My teachers called in my parents behind my back to show them my messy desk. In fact they took my messiness as me being somewhat slow or behind. Time fixed that misconception. Plus I knew other things like current events and geography at a level beyond my peers.

In high school, my history teacher looked at my notebook and said "you must be brilliant." I was getting very good grades in his class and I guess he thought my notebook was a mess. Economics was a problem because I could not draw those danged curves neatly (despite understanding of the material) and biology was a problem because my teacher said it looked like I drew my disection drawing "in between classes." Other kids would come in with works of art. What can I say? .... This world is hard for people who are not like everybody else.

This is a world where people perceive through appearances and are not very forgiving of those who deviate from their norm.

You bring back childhood fears, Pia. Nice writing, but it cause me to remember many such experiences in school. Teachers should never belittle a student and to do so in front of other students should be a crime. www.sagecoveredhills.blogspot.com

These posts are great illustrations of what it's like to live with this condition.

It seems like so much more damage can be done by a hurtful remark or action when we are in those formative years.

You've captured the feeling well. I was growing more and more anxious with/for you as the story unfolded.

I remember days like that. Third grade, we had a "Laura Ingalls Wilder" day, where we had to make cloth dolls and decorate them. I kept mine for many years, but finally threw it out as I couldn't stand looking at it anymore. The other kids cut their own dress patterns and glued on their own doll hair, but I couldn't do it, so one of the adults did it for me. All I had to do was draw a face on the doll - at which I also failed miserably. Everyone laughed, I remember. I didn't feel panic, but I did get very, very anxious. Geez. My stomach is knotting up remembering.... I knew my doll wasn't pretty. It didn't look anything like anyone else's. As time went on and I got older, it only got worse. I sure hope that obtaining my teaching certificate involves a lot of writing papers and very little cutting and pasting...
you captured it perfectly, though at the time I didn't know what it was.

"A clean desk is the sign of a sick mind." I forget who said that, but both I and my BF think it's true. Any teacher would give us both "F" marks for how we keep the office desk and our homes....

This is beautifully written Pia. I could only think that all teachers should be required to study this disorder. Children come in all different shapes sizes and abilities. The trick is to value everyone and quit putting so much pressure on children (even if they are "brilliant") at such a young age.

I have always said that children learned in spite of what teachers did...not because of what they did. Unfortunately that was life in the classroom and maybe it is life period!!!

I somehow know that there are teachers out there that to this day that talk about you with love!

b

I think primary school is worse than high school and college is the best out of all of them. In primary schools, "the basics" are taught and kids are measured to a large extent on how well adjusted they are.

In high school and college, students are more measured by how well they master the subject.

Teachers are not the only ones to blame: parents of other kids can be awful!!!This might depend on what demographic you are in, but petty competitive parents who are concerned about with whom their kids are seen and measure other kids by what step they are at developmentally are often worse. Unfortunately these parents (mostly mothers) often hold political power in the school.

AND with all this talk about school we forget about adults and making a living. Messy desks and bad spelling are also things bosses don't like. Adults don't have arts and crafts, but they have presentations and entire wardrobes to maintain.

The answer is not just to be nice to kids with NLD or AS, BUT to teach them to compensate early in life.

Oh Pia. Is there any chance Mrs. Fishman is still alive??? If so, she needs to read this. I know it's not all her fault for being uninformed, but really - who calls a 7-yr old lazy??? That just breaks my heart.

I'm going to forward this post to Jasmine's teachers as soon as I'm done posting, especially to the science teacher who commented on Jasmine's notes. Maybe one of these days, the board will agree to assistive technology (ie. Smartpen by Livescribe) for NLD kids.

And sheesh - why not capitalize on a child's strengths, rather than berate them for their challenges?

Again Pia, bravo for another extremely heartfelt, informative article! You ROCK!!!

This post just brought up a rather repressed memory from elementary school. I was very disorganized (still very much am) and my desk had a mixture of papers and books, with illegible handwriting on it. I felt like I was always trying to be organized, yet I always failed at it. I would clean my desk and about a day later, it would be a mess again. Fail. So, one day I can't find my homework in the desk. My teacher is collecting them row to row, and I'm trying my best not to freak out, because he's getting closer and closer and I'm digging further and further in to the rubble and I'm praying to God that it'll just appear before he gets to me. That doesn't happen though. He comes to me, asks for it, and I say I can't find it, tearing up. He gets pissed, saying that I'm sloppy and a bad student, and then takes a look inside my desk, to find even more of mess than before. His face turns beet red, and he flings the desk over, knocking it over along with everything in it on the floor, in front of everyone. Everyone is staring at me, and since I stink at eye contact and get anxious easily, I start shaking and he tells me to go outside and stand on the wall until class gets out and I can clean up my mess. What a jerk. He knew that I had a disability, but since he was old school, he only thought it was laziness.

Karen: from my experience, there isn't anything really good about NVLD.

Is it possible that a child with NLD is focused on something different than someone without the disorder? If they feel they have to be perfect and get "the right answer" or are maybe feeling competitive about getting the "right" or "best" answer, or on being the one who gets noticed and does well in a competitive situation (and maybe with the belief that if they don't do well [even be the best] they will no longer be a someone or be loved or be noticed? If so, then organizing themselves, rather than helping them learn the material, gets in the way of doing well. I would argue that such hyperfocus on doing well in the tests (which would be reinforced by a performance-oriented approach by the parent who might have similar anxieties) would indeed cause them to do well on the tests, but might work best for short-term memory rather than long-term retention, or for learning organizational strategies -- for getting work done, for retaining information, for general organization. It seems that organization would be an end in itself rather than an enabler for these other tasks and therefore would mitigate AGAINST doing well (i.e. the best) in the tests (split focus)and therefore would fall on deaf ears and create more inner anxiety and defensive practices. Speaking from personal experience.

NLD is caused by missing or severely damaged matter in the right brain.

I wasn't diagnosed for most of my life and wasted way too much time looking for "problems" within my psyche.

First you're too young to realize you're disorganized and then you want to be organized as you know it will help your life.
Sometimes things are that simple.

I have an excellent long term memory and retain information. Putting the information in order is a problem. One reason organization's so important to me

Thanks so much for this! A wise psychologist pointed out the higher functioning a nvld person is the more they will be punished. How true.We are indeed puzzle people- I've been diagnosed with the disorder several times yet I have great fine motor, sense of humor and reading comprehension. I'm great at creative writing. These assets aren't typical of us. Soboy was I in trouble when I BOMBED in the middle school gifted program. Weak points: facial recognition,sports,math,maps, and organizing (or even noticing) my environment. I become annoyed with NVLD experts who make broad assumptions! Your story and insight mean a lot to NVLD folks.