Obesely Speaking

The brain and obesity

11 Reasons Being Super Hot Looking is Problematic

Overweight women and super models have more in common than you might imagine. Read More

I'm not a supermodel or a ten

I'm not a supermodel or a ten by any means. I am pretty, with a curvy/busty figure. I'm studying for a degree, am well travelled, easy going and have a nice personality. I have experienced bad treatment from men and women.
I never get approached when I'm out, a plain, less pretty girl will get chatted up- I never do!! I don't dress in a provocative way, more classy. I don't want to attract the wrong types.

I go to social meet up groups, the women give me dirty look, guys talk to my chest. I see the women creating cliques and exchanging number. When I asked a certain women I got on with, if she would like to keep in touch, she declined. Her friend from the group funnily enough isn't that attractive.

Online dating isn't much better. I get guys who say 'nice tits' and proposition me, others claim I'm out of their league, or I'm too good for them, the last guy I dated said this, I thought he was attractive.

Thank you for commenting....

Have a splendid day.

If a man blubbered like this,

If a man blubbered like this, he'd be admonished for being a narcissist and guilty of feeling entitled.

agree - but since there is

agree - but since there is soooooo much blubbering from the other side of the equation, that is, how the fashion industry presumably makes life easier for the `few` supergorgeous, those women on the other side of the equation must add their voice to the chorus, or risk death (lol).

Are you absolutely sure

you guys are heterosexually inclined. You hate women so much.

" you guys are heterosexually

" you guys are heterosexually inclined. You hate women so much."

That doesn't make sense.

Anyway, what's not to hate? Women give men reason to hate them everyday.

The ancients were right, women are evil.

Perils of being attractive

I agree with anonymous. I am not a super model but I am very physically attractive. There are so many things I do every day just to make my way through the world with a minimum of unwanted attention: I suspect that this is a reality for ALL women. We must find ways to be seen as humans - rather than objects - regardless of our looks!

I hide my figure on my dating profile so I don't attract the wrong types, then when men meet me in person they can barely talk to me: they get so nervous, they can almost talk about nothing else! I do my best to be warm and put them at ease. Sitting in a booth helps: they cannot see my entire figure (v. at a bar stool), and can focus on getting to know me. Some men become so attracted that they get really possessive right away and I have to cut them out of my life.

When I'm out, creeps approach me, and they say the most degrading things. It's demoralizing. Somehow a single attractive woman is a 'target' rather than a human being.

I wear lots of dark shirts to hide my chest, always high-cut; If I wear shorts I cannot wear a tank top (way too sexy); I balance everything so that only one 'attribute' is vaguely discernible at a time. I over-dress at work to ensure that my figure is completely hidden. Yoga is the only public environment where I can relax and enjoy my body - the lights are low, and it's a non-judgmental atmosphere.

I am fortunate: I have many female friends. However, they are mostly single and good-looking - I patently avoid hanging out with married friends when their husbands are around, because I want to honor their relationships and never be a distraction. There is nothing more awkward than someone's husband cornering me at a party or ignoring his wife to talk to me! I extract myself as quickly and gracefully as possible when this happens.

I lead with my authentic self. I am warm, kind and I really like people! I would love to meet a man with whom I share a deep connection; someone who cares for me as an intelligent, loving person, rather than as a possession.

Thank you for writing this article. The world will be a beautiful place when people can be seen as people.

Thank you for commenting....

I am happy that you liked the article. Have a nice day.

When I'm out, creeps approach

When I'm out, creeps approach me, and they say the most degrading things. It's demoralizing. Somehow a single attractive woman is a 'target' rather than a human being.

As is often the case, the word "creeps" is interchangeable with the phrase "men that I find unattractive".

The world will be a beautiful place when people can be seen as people.

Have you considered the possibility that you, as a person, are seen by good men as nothing more than a woman with a repulsive personality?

Pardon me, but when a drunk

Pardon me, but when a drunk man approaches me and says, "All I can think about is your tiddies," I call him a creep.

I am perfectly willing to be respectfully approached. This man's approach was repulsive and disrespectful.

I am so sorry

that you experienced that. Thanks for commenting. Have a nice day.

Thank you

Thank you, Dr. Gordon. I look forward to the day when all people treat others with respect.

Ditto

Namaste

When I'm out, creeps approach

When I'm out, creeps approach me, and they say the most degrading things. It's demoralizing.

Pardon me, but when a drunk man approaches me and says, "All I can think about is your tiddies," I call him a creep.

Looking at your two posts, are you claiming that every time you go out, you are besieged by drunk men who obsess over your breasts? Or, was it one drunken lout amongst many perfectly good and sober men whom you found unattractive and all of whom you label as "creeps"?

Dignity and Respect

JakefromStateFarm wrote:

The world will be a beautiful place when people can be seen as people.

Have you considered the possibility that you, as a person, are seen by good men as nothing more than a woman with a repulsive personality?

A human being's personality cannot possibly be assessed by his or her level of physical attractiveness.

If someone chooses to impute personality to another based upon nothing more than their appearance, I would not call this a "good" person. I would call this a judgmental, prejudiced person - the same type of person who would judge based upon race, or gender, or weight.

These types of people make the world much more difficult to navigate - especially for those of us who see value in all people.

We are not objects. We are all human, and should treat one another with dignity and respect.

Dr. Gordon, thank you for writing this blog. I hope it helps those who need help the most!

A human being's personality

A human being's personality cannot possibly be assessed by his or her level of physical attractiveness.

That is not necessarily true. I'm sure even you could look at the Tsarnaev brothers and assess their personalities or the lack thereof. For regular people, a few moments of verbal interaction can allow an observant person to assess the other person's personality.

More words rehashing the original sentence.

We are not objects. We are all human, and should treat one another with dignity and respect.

Wrong again. While each of us should extend common courtesy to others, respect is earned. It is not given.

My original question remains unanswered. Have you considered the possibility that you, as a person, are seen by good men as nothing more than a woman with a repulsive personality?

Thank you for your comment

It was my honor to write this, after all, men can never have any more respect than they extend to women. Sad many men do not see that.

It was my honor to write

It was my honor to write this, after all, men can never have any more respect than they extend to women. Sad many men do not see that.

I would agree with you if you had said common courtesy. Common courtesy should be extended to both women and men. But I stand by what I said. Respect is earned. It is not given.

Wow,

How do you make bold and italics in your responses. I didn't know you could do that. But I do know that you have to respect people, even if they don't respect themselves enough to deserve it.

Underneath the comment box,

Underneath the comment box, there are four bullet points that describe, among other things, the HTML tags that are allowed. For bold, precede the comment with the less than sign, the word "strong" (but don't use the quotation marks) and the greater than sign. After the comment, use the less than sign, then "/strong" (but don't use the quotation marks) and the greater than sign. To italicize, do the same thing with the word "quote". Again without using the quotation marks. Give it a try and let us know what you think.

Perhaps what you call "respect" is what I call "common courtesy".

I think it is semantics

Thank you Jake from State Farm!  How cool is this!  You have created a monster!  

It runs the family. My last

It runs the family. My last name is Fronkensteen.

Thank you for your comment

Have a nice day.

of creeps

Why do you find it so hard to believe that there are men who harass the poster for no good reason? It happens all the time. If you have women (or girls) in your life who trust you enough, they may tell you about it. There are plenty of creeps to go around. Why would you assume she is talking about "good guys?" These things happen to all women, regardless of conventional attractiveness, through no fault of their own. Open your eyes, your ears, or both.

JJ & The Creeps

Why do you find it so hard to believe that there are men who harass the poster for no good reason? It happens all the time. If this were true, women would never go out. Yet I go out every weekend and see women at bars, pubs, restaurants and nightclubs who are not harassed by anyone, drunk or sober.

There are plenty of creeps to go around. Why would you assume she is talking about "good guys?" Because the original poster started off by complaining about creeps. (plural) In a later post, she admits that it was actually one drunken lout. (singular) I merely filled in the numerical gap with my own observation.

These things happen to all women, regardless of conventional attractiveness, through no fault of their own. All? Every woman who has ever walked the earth? Are you sure about that?

Open your eyes, your ears, or both. Bless your heart.

re: Blessings from Jake from State Farm

Are you suggesting that you expect men to conduct harassment and assaults of women in front of you? If so, I don't know what to make of that. Don't let the word 'creep' bother you so much.

Bless your heart.
Jake, save your blessings. You need them more than I do.

Thank you for this article

Thank you for this article Billi. I could really identify with most of it, and it is the kind of thing I dare not discuss with my friends.

To Jake from State farm, who thinks that "creeps" is merely a code-word for "men that I find unattractive". Let me tell you about the encounters I had from the last 2 weekends:

1. Early morning after going out with friends, I was sitting on the subway minding my own business. A man sat down next to me and started moving closer and closer to me, eventually he put his hand on my leg. I got up and sat somewhere else. At no point during this did we even make eye contact.

2. Guy at a club stares at me and follows me around for an entire evening, but doesn't try talking with me. When I leave, he follows me out the door and puts his arm around me, which I shrug off. Next he starts begging me to come home with him and sleep with him, all the while making sexual noises and putting the index finger of one hand in and out of the circle formed by the index finger and thumb of his other hand.

3. To avoid the guy from #2, I walk the opposite direction of where I need to go, and head down into the subway. As I'm sitting waiting for the train, again not making eye contact with anyone, another guy, at least 15 years younger than me (I'm over 40) , walks up and tells me I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and that we would have great sex together, and then tries to start kissing me all over. I tell him "NO!", but he doesn't stop. Eventually people who I don't know who are sitting behind me on the bench tell him to f-off and that "no means no" and to go to hell.

So? What do you think? Did I just find these men unattractive, or do they qualify as creeps in your book?

It is no exaggeration to say that these kinds of things happen all the time whenever I go out, and I got so sick of it that I didn't go out at all for 8 months of last year, but that is no way to live, so for now I just put up with it. I imagine I'll get sick of it again though.

Hoo-hoo. Eyes up here, friend.

Anonymous, enjoyed your post. You seem very understanding of the nervous single guys who are intimidated by you. Perceptive to note that even well-intentioned single women would be wise to identify conversational boundaries to ultimately respect their friends' romantic relationships. As I rather regretfully sport considerable-sized knockers (redirecting blunt comments with, yah, so they're in style this fall, doncha know), I can relate to image-annoyance, esp. living the sweltering Florida lifestyle in layers to convey a modest image. Thanks for sharing this.

It is unfortunate

Hi Ditto, thanks for commenting. Sorry it happens to you, too.

It is unfortunate that some men believe that observing a portion of a woman's anatomy gives them the right to treat her as "less than" human.

This a (mostly) male problem, and men need to start telling each other to "STOP IT."

I'm tired of laughing it off. This is my world, too. :(

EXACTLY

Everybody's sun that wakes us in the morning when we rise.

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Billi Gordon, Ph.D., is  Co-Investigator in the  Ingestive Behaviors & Obesity Program, Center for the Neurobiology of Stress, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.

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