Obesely Speaking

The brain and obesity

10 Problems Every Girl's Dream Guy Has

The secret woes of Mr. Right
Billi Gordon, Ph.D.
This post is a response to 11 Reasons Being Super Hot Looking is Problematic by Billi Gordon, Ph.D.

After my last post, some of my uber-hot, successful male professional friends said, “It is difficult being a very good-looking professional guy. Our lives are much harder than people think.” These are their major problems.  

1)    Women are too easy: Noah, a young cardiac surgeon, who looks like he walked off the cover of GQ into the OR says, “Men like to hunt. Chasing a chick is like a chess match, and it’s a big turn on.  It is no fun if the woman chases you. This is understandable because dopamine encodes on the anticipation of reward, not the actual reward.  

2)    Blamed for everything: “I am a handsome, straight, white guy with a good-job. Everybody hates me. Everything is my fault. So, if it rains tomorrow, I am sorry. Seriously dude, people act like I caused all of the world’s problems. Take us, for example, I am a nice guy and you are an obnoxious, arrogant, black, queen, yet people love you, and hate me,” jokes Tim, a former college Quarterback turned Beverly Hills Plastic surgeon.

3)    Men are threatened and overly aggressive: “Guys are competitive. The reality is I am bad news for most guys.  I make more money. I am taller and better looking. I drive a more expensive car, dress better, have a bigger house, and a bigger…” says Tim.

4)    People think they are gay: because they are so good looking. “People always think really good-looking guys are gay, cause usually they are,” says a TV star, who asked to remain anonymous. “The other problem is gay guys refuse to believe I am straight, and that can be tedious sometimes.” 

5)    Women become more hostile when rejected: “No woman likes getting flushed. However, when a good-looking doctor does it, they go ape,” says Noah. “It is crazy. They read way too much into it.”

6)    Being the dream guy is a nightmare: “Women take one look at me, find out what I do, and think they are in love with me. Actually, they are in love with the idea of that dream guy they’ve had in their heads all of their lives,” Noah says. “They don’t know anything about me, other than how I look and what I do for a living.

7)    Women presume they are players: “I am not a player,” says Parker, a powerful agent, who packages TV shows and films. “I know the rep this business has, but that is not me. I am a good Catholic boy from South Boston, and I want to marry a good Catholic girl. I am a young dude, so yeah, I forget to turn my swag off sometimes and wake up knee deep in honeys. That’s a given with my job and my looks. But just because that’s what I can easily have,  does not mean, that is what I want.”

8)    Women resent their looks: “I am prettier than most of the women I date,” said the actor.  “They resent that. They always feel like they have to look their very best when they’re with me, and they resent it after awhile. 

9)    People think they should only date supermodel types:  “When I want a hook-up with a super hottie, I go to the gym and wait five minutes,” says Noah. “But what I want in a hook-up and what I want in a girl I seriously date are two very different things.  Yeah, I want her to be attractive, but when you connect with someone, she become beautiful, because you see things no one else does.  Like my current girl friend.  She is not technically beautiful, and she says she needs to lose a few pounds, and I guess she is right. I just do not see her like that. She is brilliant, kind, strong, interesting and passionate woman.  I can feel her energy when she walks into a room, even if my back is to her. That is so incredibly sexy and beautiful to me. But when people see us together, they do not get it.  Not only that.  It bothers them.  I have overheard people say, “Why in the world is he with her?” Noah said, as a smile scampered across his face.

“The question is, why is she with me. It really pisses me off when these cover girl types see me with her and think that the power of cute is stronger than what we have. It is so arrogant and insulting to both of us.” 

10) People are less accepting of interracial dating: “I prefer darker girls over blonde chicks,” says Parker. “I am blonde and opposites attract. But people wig out when they see a white dude like me with a black girl or a Latina.”  They do not have the same reaction when they see some pudgy, balding white guy with a black girl.  It’s like how the Germans freaked out when Boris Becker was with that smoking hot black girl.” 

Most men wish they had these pretty boy problems. However, at the end of the day, the emotions they engender are generically human.  Excess is not a compensation for paucity. It is like Baskin Robbins.  You think, “Boy if I worked here I would eat a ton of ice cream everyday.” That is because you do not work there.  When you work there, you are sick of ice cream by the end of the first week.   It does not matter if you can get a zillion girls in your bed, if you cannot find that one who gets in your heart and your head. There are only so many buttons on the dial of human emotion. We all go through every one, by the time it is all said, and all done.  Remain Fabulous and Phenomenal.   

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Billi Gordon, Ph.D., is  Co-Investigator in the  Ingestive Behaviors & Obesity Program, Center for the Neurobiology of Stress, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.

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