Average lovers use sex as a currency, whereas the exceptional lover tells a story with his or her mind, body and soul. Every woman should learn this; every man must know this. Read More
What is your opinion about abstaining from masturbation and porn. Is it good?
For some people it might be good, for others not good. For me, certainly not an option.... LOL. Namaste. Thanks for commenting.
Well doesn't abstaining from masturbation increase serum testosterone levels? What about fmri data? Also Amy Cuddy has shown that alpha body language can increase testosterone.
Decreasing ejaculation does not increase serum testosterone levels, and even if it did, it wouldn't be relevant to this article, because I'm talking about sexual salience, which does not have a gradient relationship with any particular hormone or neurotransmitter. Fmri is my area of expertise, and the problem with fMRi is that many people do not understand how to query the instrument properly and they construct paradigms that reveal false data because of flawed study design. It would be EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to conduct sex research with fMRI because of artifact. fMRI studies have to pose very precise and simple questions to be useful..... gotta run.... and finish writing part 2 what he says...., namaste.
Aren't there ways of pre-processing data to remove artifact as well as random noise (e.g. time slicing)?
that depends on the paradigm.
I got the survey and I wasn't sure how all this was going to come together but darn it, I don't think any woman could have said it better. I know it is horrible to admit it but I forwarded your article to my husband because we were just talking about spicing things up.
"You want to whisper to her with your eyes, kiss her with your words and lick her with your full attention to what she says"
I don't know a women alive that would not soak her panties and tear them off for this type of commitment to foreplay and sex.
btw. You should copyright that quote.. Billboard it...Full page article in the New York Times.You have out done yourself. Can't wait to Part 2, when I can learn more.
Thank you again for words to live by...
You make me blush.... I was just working on it... Its much harder than I imagined because men are so much more confused about what they need than women. And its strange because I have probably only slept with a few hundred women, compared to thousands of men, yet its easier to understand how to have a heathy sexual relationship with a woman. Thanks for helping with the ceremony. Namaste
What Aimee said.
I concur, spot on... and I say that as a woman, and as veteran seducer of women.
btw, Aimee was right about that quote, too. Defintrely copywrite that... and let's hope it goes viral. What a better, more balanced, more expressive, more equanimous, and happier world that would be, should men and women begin to embrace and employ the basic tenets of your article. (I assume that men would also revel in being appreciated and seduced in a similar manner, yes?)
We'd all find ourselves in a world filled with far less rigid and constricted individuals... and far more satisfied, connected, and compassionate ones, too, I'd warrant. Here's hoping!
No wonder you've been married for so long despite all the hurdles you've alluded to! While most articles about sex keep focusing about the basics of intimacy, and most people only discuss dating rules and techniques, you are talking ART! When most people remain stuck on the ground when it comes to sex and seduction, you're flying up there with the eagles, and taking your readers with you!
I'll be honest: when I saw this article in the PT line, I didn't click on it, because, "Oh no, not another one of those tired, mechanical articles about what women supposedly want, blah!" But because I'm subscribed to your feed, I then got a mail telling me about this article, and I was, "Oh wait, if it's Billi Gordon who wrote it, it might be worth reading."
And boy, was it EVER! Right from the first paragraph, I knew this one was on a completely different level than all those other articles. The way you dismissed so easily the old story of "I bought her dinner, why can't I expect sex?" just blew me away. The way you juxtaposed those paragraphs of finding something beautiful in a woman with a picture of a male stud passionately kissing an obese woman felt like a punch straight to the heart - the good kind, the kind that steals your breath away and makes you all warm inside. Then you went into science (I love science, even when I don't understand it) and waxed poetic about seduction at the same time, and I turned into a puddle of worshipping goo.
You Dr Gordon definitely have A LOT of wisdom to offer to both men and women, and a definite flair in HOW to deliver it.
hotter than most smut. I feel like just won an Oscar. Thanks for the kind words. Namaste.
Zzzz..more pro-feminist speak (ive seen this kinda thing ad nauseum written by female bloggers)....typical per usual drivel implying that men have to do everything and women get to skate and can never be bad in the sack.Actually all women have to do is show up.Anyway,its true women fake orgasms and men fake relationships so well just call it even folks.
but this is part 1 of 2, when you see part 2 I think you will have a MUCH different opinion. Will be coming soon... hoped to post them simultaneously, but alas, that was not in the stars.... just stay tuned is all I have to say.... Namaste.
I hope I never turn into you. This was very informative. I'm a college dude. I learned a lot here to step up my game, and my game is already good, cause I play ball and Bettys are all over me, but I see sex like a football game, I want to leave it all on the field when its over, so this is interesting stuff to know. Every dude pounds a girl for 3 or 4 hours,and gets a few honey shots but you finish.. but this is stuff they like... thanks Dr.G. Oh and Dude... Fake a relationship? Why would you do that? You need to step up your game if you have to do that. And why would a woman fake an orgasm. I don't get that. I've been with about 70 girls, since high school, and it takes some of them longer, but they all eventually get there. And they all love it, why would they fake it? How could you not know it's fake. I mean, I guess they could fake the screaming and digging their nails into your back, but they can't fake the honey shot down below. This was very cool Dr. G. I'm into women, and I like making them happy.
you are mistaken, not EVERY dude pounds a girl for 3 or 4 hours... LOL. Enjoy that while it lasts.
I had a lover this good, but he was married. Oddly, his wife refused to have sex with him. Sigh. We were crazy in love, but alas, it wasn't our time.
I am so sorry for the both of you. Namaste.
I've been practicing a new technique discovered in a Taoist book about cultivating male sexual energy. The main objective is to not to ejaculate while engaged in sexual activities. Instead to harness the chi energy upwards the ought the spine and into the brain. Intitually I believed this to be a farce and impossible. But I have had the most satisfying sexual relationship with my wife by adhering to the 5000 year old principles. I'm able to satisfy my wife and maintain my chi which gives me an abundance of energy.
Granted I've had some of the worst blue balls ever. But with practicing a power clenching technique described in the book I am able to diffuse the pressure upward vs. outward with masturbation. Your article is magnificent and your assessment of communication between the sexes is spot on. But this eastern philosophy of really full present awareness and impulse control has absolutely changed the way I view sex.
Now the only time I aim to orgasam is to conceive a child. Because a mans sperm is his life force...have you explored any of the Toaist techniques? I've only been practicing for six months and in no way an expert. In fact my wife is so fulfilled is a conquest for her to make me cum. Which recently, admittedly and enjoyably, I have! But with 2 kids and our busy schedule we've never been more attracted to one another...
What a TREAT this was. Thank you so much. Please contact me by private email so we can carry this conversation on further, if you are comfortable with that. Thanks again! I REALLY liked what I read here.
Yeah it is by mantak chao.
This read like an Oprah Book Club softcore erotica story. I can't believe you actually think all women enjoy this. This whole article screams the generalized assumption that all women want to be "seduced" and "cuddled" and "smooched" by partners. Haven't you heard of hit it and quit it? Or a fuck and run? Please, give my gender more credit than needing to be "wooed" by a man. You can have plenty of good fucks without Victorian courtship and Danielle Steele excerpts.
I don't mean any offense ma'am, but do you know how unattractive that sounds. Raw nasty sex is great, but it best when mixed with Romance. I'm 20, I play college ball. And I'm good looking. Chicks fall all over me. I've had about 70 women since high school. I'm a sophomore in college now. I've had bad kitties like you, and they're just not as much fun as the girls I have to romance. Most men I know like to hunt. For me that's a bit of a problem cause most girls are so afraid that I'll lose interest they give it up right away, and that makes me lose interest. I'm guessing you're really old, like 30 or something, and I'm trying to imagine what that's like, but I just don't ever see me being attracted to a woman that's as forward as you present yourself. It's kind of masculine, and unappealing. Does being like this work well for you? Just curious.
I am sure there are many happy men because of your attitude. So go for what you know. I don't think all women enjoy anything. I do think more women enjoy this than the type of sex you described. All that really maters is when its all said and done both people are satisfied, so go on girl, do it, do it to your satisfied, whatever it is. My mamma always told me that if you hit it and its good enough you can't quit it... but maybe you haven't gotten to that level yet. Anyway, thanks for commenting. I REALLY LIKE YOU. But the what man wouldn't.
OH. MY. GOD. I want a man who understands this and can do it!! Still waiting, hope I find him some day before I'm too old to enjoy it!!! Ok, must stop drooling now.
Question, though. You said, "When you kiss, do not close your eyes. Look deep into her eyes."
I honestly hate a lot of eye contact during kissing or sex. I can manage a little, but mostly I prefer eyes closed. I do like/want intimacy, but this kind of creeps me out a little. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? Or is it just a preference/ indiosyncrasy that we all have, and this one is just mine?
ABSOLUTELY, 100% NOT. Everything is relative, and we like what we like. There is a time when staring into one's eyes during a kiss is super hot, and it can be creepy too. I TOTALLY get that. You man, when he comes, and he will, know exactly when to close and not close his eyes, because your eyes will tell him. Keep the faith.... like you know there's a sun when its raining.... know that love is coming, even though you can't see it or hear it. Namaste.
Honestly I don't identify with you, are you selling out to a type of woman who is into romantic fantasy? Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just that not all women want to be cheesed as much as you advise, although nice breath is always good.
Cute subject heading..... thanks for the chuckle. This was based on the respondents to my, admittedly, casual survey of 200 women on social media. No post could ever reflect what all women or all men feel. I agree, I know many women who approach sex the way that men stereotypically approach it and vice versa. Logic tells me there would be a gradient, as in most behaviors. Namaste.
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Billi Gordon, Ph.D., is Chair of the Advisory Committee for Collective Concerns in Medicine, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA.
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?