Nurturing Resilience

Thank you Michael for your very interesting and timely article.

I think in our modern society’s focus on equity and harmony we have assumed that the exact same activities must be done equality or else something is wrong. Equity is important but a key part of it is understanding.

I remember as a kid my dad worked long hours while my mom stayed home with us. I do not remember my dad spending much money on himself, it was all on us. I never felt neglected by my father even though I spent most of my time with my mom. I guess the key was that (1) he spent a lot of quality time with us when we he was around, (2) he could tell tons of details about us and new us very well, and (3) my mom appreciated his contribution.

I think the last point in the previous paragraph is a growing problem. I think men are put down constantly for not contributing as much as women do to their families and it is increasingly becoming a major issue for younger men my age as we feel our contribution (which is there) is not recognized. It is like you are isolated from your own family and regardless of what you do you must be judged as a second class parent.

Worse men, like you mentioned at the beginning, who end up doing the primary day to day care at home are actually looked down on! Instead of being celebrated as great care givers they are viewed as under achievers relative to their wives! So regardless of what role men play they are looked down upon.

Unfortunately in the pursuit of equity as a society we have become fixated on a zero sum game. A competition that leaves neither side happy and kids with a poor example of team work. We should pursue those true ideals with logic and understanding.