Now is Everything

Designing a Life You Love

Carolyn Rubenstein — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:03:47 +0000

While designing a life you love sounds incredible, doing so may not seem very practical. That certainly would have been my reaction before I embarked on my journey of self-growth through authenticity. Stated otherwise, I am learning to live a life that is aligned with my values.

The inspiration I gained from others served as the genesis for my new perspective. Yet the journey has indeed provided its fair share of stumbling blocks. Along the way, I learned that I often need to trick myself or use a meaningful trigger to remain on track and focused. If not, my to-do list far exceeds my ability to make time for "self-growth."

A few months ago, while working on a creative project, the trigger became a "start here" arrow on the project's cover (read more: start here). I was fascinated that such a seemingly insignificant symbol could become the catalyst for such powerful change in my life. During this crucial personal time – away from any safety nets (such as the internet, to-do lists, etc.) – I really learned the importance of living each day mindfully. Along the way, I remembered that life truly is a verb.

Now, months later, I am excited to introduce a new project, Spring, that serves as a reminder (an inspiration trigger) to focus on designing and living a life you love, every day of your life. Spring is a collaborative project that involves Jess Constable, Jess Gonacha Swift, Michelle Ward, and me. Through lively conversation with four creative and passionate individuals, Spring explores the methods of designing a life you love from very unique perspectives. It inspires individuals to focus on the journey rather than concentrate exclusively on the final destination.

Spring’s primary mission is to infuse inspiration into the lives of other creative and passionate individuals. It seeks to bring together like-minded individuals within a space that is focused on the journey involved with bringing dreams to life, and the reality that accompanies following a unique vision.

On the other hand, Spring is definitely not about sugarcoating the experience. Disappointment often interrupts success and frequently causes those important journeys to become stalled. As your advocate, Spring will provide inspiration intended to help you push forward to discover your next steps. You will realize that disappointments or setbacks are often disguised as rare gifts that have the potential to lead you in a direction you had not even considered. With that in mind, when seeking to live a life with inspiration in full bloom, it is critical to recognize that there is no box into which you must fit perfectly, no right way or method, and never just a single path that you must follow.

Each individual carries a quiet seed of passion waiting to sprout, but it is all too easy to become hobbled by the "hows," the "whens," and the "whys" that will eventually cause you to neglect the passion for so long that it seems to dissipate. Fortunately, it's never lost, and the time to take action is today – right now, to be exact! It is indeed time to begin living your life wholeheartedly. Learn to dance in the rain – never wait until the flowers begin to grow. You can spring forth your own flowers and live inspired.

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Learn all the details about the project, Spring: Inspiration in Bloom, on the website: www.SpringInspiration.com.

I am so grateful for your support and look forward to sharing this journey with the readers of Psychology Today.

Are your friends really there for you?

Carolyn Rubenstein — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:10:16 +0000

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. –Henri Nouwen

The happiest and most successful people I know seem to have a secret weapon: they get an incredible amount of support from their friends and family. Their friends and family really are there for them! They champion and stand by them during the best and hardest of times. This observation made me think about my own life and friendships. Are my friends true? Am I a true friend? In evaluating these conditions, I came up with a friendship “test.” Essentially, it’s a list of questions I try to answer when I evaluate whether a relationship is worth continuing.

1. Does the person help me feel good about myself?

2. Is this person there for me during my hardest times?

3. Is that person willing to be around me even when I am not my best self?

4. Does this individual allow me to believe in the impossible?

5. Does he or she offer help and support in a way that does not make me feel guilty or obligated?

6. Does this person allow me to be me, without expecting me to reflect a predetermined label or expectation?

I hope you were able to answer “yes” to all six questions, but what happens if none of your friends are true friends? What if you had to answer “no” to (almost) every question? Does this mean that everyone in your life is somehow toxic?

Well, if that’s the case, then your best choice is simply to start over. I know people who have done this; it really is possible. You can jettison those toxic relationships and replace them with new, supportive friendships. By exploring new interests, hobbies, and pursuits, you’ll meet other people who are more mature, positive, and supportive.

So what questions do you ask yourself when you evaluate whether someone is a true friend? How would you start over and seek a new set of friends? Please leave a comment.

To read the incredible stories of cancer survivors who forged new friendships after realizing their current relationships weren’t working, get a copy of PERSEVERANCE today.

Other Articles You May Like:

How to Awaken Your Inner Child

Carolyn Rubenstein — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:40:07 +0000

Do you remember how wonderfully carefree you were as a child? Children are typically honest, innocent, and sources of steady outpourings of love. They are naturally curious and ask questions; they're mystified by objects and experiences we have long since chosen to take for granted. I certainly miss that outlook on life and every once in a while, letting a childlike mentality take control is exactly the springboard I need to help me feel refreshed.

Jump back into those adorably small, yet ridiculously patterned outfits, and let your inner child emerge once again.

Jump for joy. Today, getting excited may involve a gasp or a fist-pump, but remember when you literally jumped for joy? We should learn to employ that vigorous enthusiasm to our lives a bit more often. And if you find the act of jumping too embarrassing (a very adult outlook), then at least allow your soul to jump for joy. Do something that you know will give you that sensation of happiness. I'm sure you won't regret it.
Believe in miracles. In a world where research is the basis for drawing conclusions and reason is rewarded, allow yourself to believe the unbelievable in life. The word itself, miracle, often seems magical or childish. But don't let the unexplainable just slip by without at least a nod of recognition. Believing in miracles allows these experiences to be much more valuable. Help them along by allowing your imagination to get involved.
Play. Nourish your inner child by being completely silly with friends or by enjoying an activity you wouldn't normally do. Taking that step to simply play and expend energy will produce a newfound sense of awe. The feeling of wonder that comes with peeling back the layers of thought and assessment is lost all too often in adulthood. With that in mind, play before you give it a second thought, and let the thrill of life take over.
Draw outside the lines. It seems so simple, but we spend our days caged in by boundaries and consequences. While these concepts define our comfort zone, sometimes tearing down those walls and exposing our imperfections takes us to a place of greater learning. A child's uninhibited attitude toward tasks and challenges is admirable, and certainly something to learn from.
Love unconditionally. Why do we tie strings to our love? And when did we learn to do that? One of the most beautiful things about children is their ability to love. They love unconditionally their families, their neighbors, their everyday experiences, and people from all walks of life-they love questioning the world itself! It's amazing (and disappointing) that we can lose this ability as we grow. Reclaim your ability to love unconditionally-even if it's just for an hour.

I hope that some of these tips bring back old memories and attitudes that you're willing to rely on once more. It's amazing how simple and positive a child's outlook is. I suppose that with time and experience, our perspective becomes convoluted and much less naive (with both positive and negative influences). Nevertheless, relish your inner child, and enjoy the simplicity and beauty of living all over again.

How do you awaken your inner child? Post your thoughts in the comment section!

- - - - -

For daily inspiration and quick tips on how to transform your life through small actions, be sure to visit my website, www.carolynrubenstein.com.

Learn about my recently published book (yay!), Perseverance, which is filled with inspiration for personal transformation. Read the comments from readers and learn how their lives are already changing!

- - - - -

"Everyone has in them something precious that is in no one else."
- Martin Buber

"I Have Lived a Blessed Time" - Senator Ted Kennedy

Carolyn Rubenstein — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 09:29:42 +0000

Senator Ted Kennedy has passed away after battling a horrific form of brain cancer. I heard the announcement just minutes ago as I was shutting down my computer to go to sleep, and I knew I had to write something. Yet I stared at the screen with that all too familiar feeling of horrific loss and uncertainty. My hands were trembling as I began to type. This is not just another headline, this is reality, and for the past 10 years (ages 14 to 24), I have faced the loss of young children and young adults after their own battles with cancer. Many of these individuals were very close to me.

Over the past two days, I have been talking about hope and perseverance in interviews about Perseverance. These interviews represent the first time I have been asked publicly about the most raw and personal aspects of my life, and it has taken every ounce of strength I have to respond to questions that probe into moments that I would prefer never to relive. The only way to get through these questions was to apply an emotional Band-aid. But when I heard about Senator Ted Kennedy passing away from brain cancer, that bandage was ripped off quickly.

We all watched as Senator Kennedy battled, with great dignity and strength, one of the most horrible forms of brain cancer. While enduring debilitating treatments, he was still seen with a smile or his now famous thumbs up. He was giving us hope, hope that even though he had something as horrible as cancer, he would live each and every day to the fullest. He was not going to let cancer take him down, and he never did. He is a warrior in every sense of the word.

While I never knew Senator Kennedy personally, our lives intertwined in many ways, which makes this news particularly difficult for me to digest.

The New York Times writes:

In December [2008], Harvard granted Mr. Kennedy a special honorary degree. He referred to Mr. Obama's election as "not just a culmination, but a new beginning."
He then spoke of his own life, and perhaps his legacy.
"We know the future will outlast all of us, but I believe that all of us will live on in the future we make," he said. "I have lived a blessed time."

Truly reflect upon that statement:
"I have lived a blessed time."

The news coverage will end soon enough, and the headlines will be replaced by the next story. But the lives of individuals who have made an impact upon us, famous or not, are never just removed from memory.

Indeed, this situation represents a new beginning. The news has broken, and now, like any tragic loss, we must begin to move forward. Each day, we'll place one foot in front of the other. But today, it's our responsibility to turn what we have learned from Senator Kennedy into real action, deeds that will create a beautiful ripple effect of inspiration.

A Profound Statement from the Kennedy Family:
"We've lost the irreplaceable center of our family and joyous light in our lives, but the inspiration of his faith, optimism, and perseverance will live on in our hearts forever."

Nothing can change the past - we only have right now.

No words can minimize the pain felt by the Kennedy family. Nevertheless, we must remain supportive and embody the positive perspective that Senator Kennedy taught us is so very necessary in times of great struggle.

Take care of yourself during this time. Clearly, we all have emotional wounds that may become exposed as a result. Remain proactive.

Never Forget The Importance of Today.

Faith. Optimism. Perseverance.

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{Article Cross-Posted on Huffington Post}

{Image via New York Times}

Why Not You? Why Not Now?

Carolyn Rubenstein — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 06:23:32 +0000

“True forgiveness, true healing, and true freedom are all about seeing that the past isn’t here anymore. Now really is a new beginning.”
- Robert Holden, Ph.D.

My motto for life: “Now is Everything.”

I didn’t just wake up with this motto; in fact, it took a great deal of pain to realize that all each one of us truly has is our right now. Nothing else is guaranteed—nothing.

Unfortunately, this motto is hard to put into action. Overall, it’s probably one of the toughest pieces of knowledge to utilize in our daily lives. That is why I connected immediately with Michelle Ward. We share this motto. However, Michelle has taken its wisdom a step further as a life coach and through her incredibly popular blog, When I Grow Up. Each week, Michelle hosts Tough (Question) Tuesdays, during which she poses a tough question for readers to reflect upon and then answer. These questions truly stimulate your personal growth in new directions each week. I’ve become completely addicted to this weekly exercise and was fortunate enough to ask Michelle some questions about those Tough Questions for Psychology Today. In essence, I turned the table around a bit! Michelle is fully committed to making the process as transparent as possible while she retains her focus on “now is everything.” But that’s not easy, and she will be the first to admit that.

Carolyn: How did you decide to begin the Tough (Question) Tuesday series? Did the idea just pop into your head one day? I think it’s pure genius!

Michelle: Simply enough, I thought of Tough (Question) Tuesday when I was trying to find ideas for a weekly series on my blog. I realized that one of my favorite posts thus far was a super short one where I just asked a simple question: "What's the decision that you need to be making that you're not making now?" There was barely anything else that was written, and yet it made a huge impact on me, just asking that question to myself. I realized that having a short post every week that contained just one question without lots of "fluff," and invited my readers (and myself!) to comment, could be a very powerful thing.

Carolyn: How do you come up with these TOUGH questions?

Michelle: Inspiration comes from everywhere! Sometimes it would come from my coaching classes, where I would hear a question that would resonate with me, and I'd write it down with big bold stars around it. Other times, I take it from the work I do with my clients, reflecting on what I asked them in the past week that seemed to have clicked. And yet other times, I pull from my own life by asking myself what question might help me jump over the hurdle that I'm facing.

Carolyn: What are your three “toughest” questions to date? Which three questions have people really identified with the most?

Michelle: I've done 41 Tough (Question) Tuesdays to date, so this is one tough question for me, Carolyn! The three questions that have generated the most comments:

What's the worst thing that could happen?

What would Opposite (Your Name Here) do?

What's the smallest step you can take?

I don't think I can say that these—or any of my questions, really—are The Toughest, because I think that's a matter of opinion based on what you're uniquely going through. I honestly think the questions have been getting tougher, especially these last three weeks, but I think that can be easily contested, especially since there was such a small response! But one of my readers noted that there was little to no response because the question was too tough!

Carolyn: Do you find these tough questions personally beneficial since you answer them as well?

Michelle: Yes! When I asked, "What's a goal that you've walked away from that you want back," I commented that while I don't want to make my living as a musical theater performer any more, I really missed the singing that I used to do a few times a week. This question allowed me to figure out how I could get the singing back into my life on my new terms—without auditioning or paying for lessons—and I have, since then, belted it out in my bedroom more than once. I think, too, that these comments make you (and me!) publicly accountable, and that'll make you (and me!) more apt to follow through.

Carolyn: In general, how do you think people benefit from asking themselves questions and/or answering tough questions about their lives?

Michelle: Any life coach worth their salt will say that questions are like keys that unlock doors you've never walked through before. I feel like a great life coach is there to listen, ask questions, and support. All the other stuff (encouraging clients to celebrate, having fun, holding them accountable, etc.) is icing. I feel strongly that asking questions is the best way to put things into focus, to get clarity as to what it is you want (not your spouse or your mother or your best friend), to figure out how to fit the pieces of the puzzle together, and to actually make things happen. I can almost hear an audible "click" when a client answers a powerful question, and when that happens, I can guarantee you that the client is coming back to me the following week with a big win and an extra dose of pep, optimism, and excitement.

Carolyn: Okay, final question, and it’s totally for my personal benefit! What would you ask someone to think about when they’ve accomplished something big, like, just for example, published their first book? [Note: PERSEVERANCE was released nationwide on Tuesday!]

Michelle: "How are you gonna celebrate this big, fat, major accomplishment?" There would be a second part, too—actually implementing it! Figure out how you (not your mom, not your publisher, not your fiancé...) want to honor this win, and set it up. You're worth it!

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I hope you enjoyed this little Q and A with Michelle Ward! She is a truly wonderful person! Be sure to visit her blog and check out her extremely tough questions! For information about Michelle’s life coaching services, you can visit her website. Thank you, Michelle!

* Do you have a tough question you want to ask? Post one in the comment section!
* How do you celebrate your personal accomplishments?

: : :

Celebrate the Release of PERSEVERANCE: TWEET to win a Kindle! Read the details here and get started by tweeting #perseverance!!

To Smile or Not To Smile?

Carolyn Rubenstein — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 03:40:31 +0000

After writing that question, I noticed that I was smiling—and it's that awareness that makes me sparkle. It reminds me that I am indeed living in the moment. To me, nothing else matters, well, except for writing this post, of course.

So, To Smile or Not To Smile?

Just knowing that the choice is ours to make is empowering.

Not too long ago, I thought everything had to be perfect. In fact, I didn't even realize that I had a choice in the matter. The lack of a smile indicated imperfection and clearly, imperfection meant failure. For me, wiggle room seemed incredibly scarce.

Yet I know that utilizing an all-or-nothing mentality to define success is a one-way ticket to Doomsville. While you may end up with a “perfect” life on the outside, you’ll likely sacrifice yourself in the process. Yes, you’ll have a life, but you won’t be living it.

When I saw that I was falling into that trap, I decided to become proactive. So while I smile a lot and strive to achieve my dreams, I am still a regular person with myriad flaws and bad days.

With less than a week until PERSEVERANCE is published, I am asked repeatedly if this is the most exciting time of my life. Everyone expects me to have a permanent smile on my face but instead, I'm really both nervous and excited. I don’t smile constantly and actually cry sometimes because of the pressure I feel (I know, Doomsville here I come). But if I wear a smile for others, I would only be suppressing my actual feelings. Not very authentic of me, right? But if I fail to smile, then I’m perceived as being either 1) terribly ungrateful for this incredible opportunity or 2) a garden variety, negative person. In fact, I'm neither of those. So to smile or not to smile—that is the question.

I've decided that above all else, I will respect myself. That means I'm going to smile naturally and share my joy and feelings of glee. Yes, indeed, I'm excited and proud! But it also means that I'm not going to smile every moment of every day just to sidestep others' reactions. I'm going to ride the waves and let my smile appear—or not—without force.

When it comes to intentions related to my current endeavors, it is very important for me to remain honest (to myself and others). I want to provide an authentic portrayal of this experience. So while I won’t sugarcoat the experience, I won’t downplay the positives, either. There are pros and cons to everything in life, and I wish more people were willing to share both sides rather than focus on one extreme or the other.

To Smile or Not To Smile? It’s now your question to answer.

: : :

* PERSEVERANCE will be released August 18th! Pre-order PERSEVERANCE today! I sincerely appreciate your support.

* Each day, I post inspiring tips focused on turning knowledge into action and action into change. You can read these tips and much more on carolynrubenstein.com!

Recession-Proof Your Mind

Carolyn Rubenstein — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:05:39 +0000

When you hear the word "economy," your initial thoughts are probably not overwhelmingly positive. Certainly, the current economic situation is neither ideal nor trivial. Yet when faced with grim circumstances or an unexpected detour, we are given an incredibly rare opportunity to view our lives from a unique perspective. This perspective filters the extraneous components that can often cloud our vision. From there, we can obtain greater clarity about our authentic selves and what we truly value. 

With less to hold on to, we can embrace these values and let them steer us in new directions. Additionally, with less to lose, we are more likely to diverge from status quo—the risks are far fewer.

By simply accepting some of life's bumps, we can achieve feelings of empowerment. You indeed have the power to shift your attention from what could have been to what might be.

-> Empower Yourself. Be Your Own Leader.

The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.
- John Maxwell

You have the ability to weather life’s storms even while you continue on the path of your own choosing.

Being the leader of your life means that you can adjust your attitude, behavior, and perspective to whatever new realities you’ll face. It’s okay to mourn defeats and have hope for the future; but ultimately, you must lead yourself forward. Remember, if you are not the leader in your life, then you are allowing events to lead you to a destination that you haven’t chosen. Above all, you should always be the one responsible for charting your course.

Take stock of your new reality and lead yourself onward!

Take Action:
Be the Leader in Your Life

-> Redefine the Possibilities. Create Unconventional Success.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
-Herman Cain

Redefine what you consider possible. Create unconventional success by paving a way through uncharted territory.

The first step in achieving anything is defining your vision. As a start, begin with this powerful question: “What do I want?” Right now, the “how” doesn’t matter since worrying about it only weakens your resolve. Sometimes, the question of “what” is easy to answer, while at other times doing so seems downright impossible. After all, the answer can be hidden in guilt and other rationalizations that center on what you think you should be doing. Therefore, it’s critical to focus on your inner knowledge and filter through the extrinsic variety.

Take Action:
3 Essential Ingredients for Creating Unconventional Success

-> Know What You Want. Own Your Dreams.

No person has the right to rain on your dreams.
- Marian Wright Edelman

You're the leader in your life, and you are certainly on your way to creating unconventional success. But in order to remain on this path, you must maintain ownership of your dreams!

Honor your dreams by realizing that you deserve them. You deserve happiness. Protect that knowledge within your heart. You are that important.

Take Action:
Own Your Dreams

* Decide who chooses your life’s direction. Is it you or the economy?

Read much more about resilience and how to turn fear into hope in my book, Perseverance.

10 Techniques to Successfully Overcome Procrastination

Carolyn Rubenstein — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:20:30 +0000

I am an information addict. My nemesis: blogs full of productivity systems that claim to make you do more today than ever before. Of course, I fall right into the trap and read these articles for hours at a time (and feel quite studious because I’m “learning”), but then I look at the clock and realize that there is no way that today will be my most productive. It’s a vicious cycle for an information addict.

I recently realized that what has helped me to be most productive has never really changed. In particular, there are 10 key methods that work for me and have been working all along. I just like the fancy productivity system names and thought something better may exist in the internet abyss.

1. Link Filtering
Don’t click on the links! Once you start clicking and digging deeper into a topic, you lose focus and energy. If you feel a link is incredibly valuable, bookmark it. I find that I rarely go back to most of the links that I bookmark, which means lots of time saved!

2. E-Mail Naps
Take care of your e-mail program — turn off its constant buzzing and even the number that appears on your desktop of unread messages. Let your email rest. When I am working, I quit my e-mail program and write e-mails that I would like to send in plain text documents saved with the subject of the e-mail. Then, I send the e-mails all at once when I complete a chunk of my work.

3. Focus
Focus on one task at a time. If the task you are working on is part of a larger project, define a specific goal for that period of time (e.g., read 10 pages or brainstorm ideas for book title). I write the goal on a post-it note and leave it next to me while I’m working.

4. Clear your Desktop
Clearing your desktop allows you to focus on one project without distraction from piles of papers or other nicknacks.

5. Take Mini-Breaks
When you begin to lose focus, take a 5-15 minute break away from your work area. Do something totally unrelated to work (e.g., take a quick walk, create a cute label, eat some fruit, listen to music, stretch).

6. Do what you DON’T want to do FIRST
It’s yucky — I know. But afterwards the feeling of success is enough to energize you through the rest of your day.

7. Be Enthusiastic
When you were in school, did you learn the most from teachers who were enthusiastic about the subject matter or the teachers who fell asleep while talking about the same math concept for the 4th time that day? Even if you are counting pennies, bring positive energy to the task. Use positive self-talk and convince yourself that what you are doing is fun. If you’re writing, use a favorite pen. I use a bright colored sharpie when I’m writing and it does the trick! The key is to cognitively trick yourself into thinking what you’re doing is just wonderful. (Now you can see why I want to go into psychology!)

8. Reward Yourself
Sounds wonderful, but most of us probably don’t do it on a consistent basis. It’s a great incentive to push forward with a project. Create a reward system and you’ll be a bit more motivated to put one foot in front of the other.

9. Relabel “Procrastination”
We all find ourselves procrastinating and it makes most people pretty upset with themselves. It’s important to switch your mindset to something more positive. For example, you’ve been surfing the internet and browsing different online bookstores. You went online to find one book and then an hour later you haven’t found the book and feel as if you’ve been roaming aimlessly. You can get upset with yourself OR you can label that time as a break that you needed so that you can reenergize and move forward. You have the power to take control of the negative emotions you feel brewing and re-assess the situation from a positive mindset.

10. Let go of Perfection
Embracing imperfection is a struggle. We often delay acting on something because we want to do it perfectly. Rationally, we know nothing is perfect; however, it’s difficult to find the balance between doing something perfectly and not doing something at all. We need to leave our comfort zone and be okay doing something “good enough.” That in of itself is probably the largest hurdle to overcome.

What techniques work for you? Do you have difficulty doing something that you know is not going to be “perfect?” Or…. do you never procrastinate and do everything perfectly– oh goodness I hope no one like that exists!

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Perseverance will be released in just 4 weeks! In Perseverance, you will find powerful life lessons that will change your perspective forever. All of my proceeds will be donated to CCC and the Chordoma Foundation.

Pre-order your book today to make sure it arrives by August 18th!

--> P.S. The links above do not count towards link filtering :)! Please click away on those links!!

How to Take Action on a Daunting Project

Carolyn Rubenstein — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:50:38 +0000

As children, projects were usually fun, creative activities that allowed us to explore ourselves and the world around us. As adults, our projects become a bit more complex-and often downright frightening.

Personally, I seem to commit subconsciously to daunting projects on a regular basis. I enjoy the fear and excitement that accompanies projects that are not predefined.

Yet when faced with a project that seems completely overwhelming and practically impossible, it's easy to become paralyzed by fear and resist engaging with it altogether.

So how do we move past feeling powerless in order to begin taking action? Below are some of the methods I rely on to turn fear into action.

-> Recognize the Daunting Project.

What projects are you resisting? Write down one project that you would particularly like to begin working on. Now that you have formally recognized that the project is a bit daunting, you have taken the first (and often the most difficult) step towards taking action.

-> Define Completion.

It's very hard to take a trip when you don't know your destination, and the same goes for an action about which you are unsure. So define a specific, measurable, and exciting goal for the completion of that project. Of course, that daunting project may have specific milestones or goals defined by a boss or team, but redefine that goal into one that will motivate you personally. Steve Chandler, the author of 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself, explains why he believes goals are often not reached. He writes,

Usually, a goal is just a goal. But a power goal is a goal that takes on a huge reality. It lives and breathes. It provides motivational energy. It gets you up in the morning. You can taste it, smell it, and feel it. You've got it clearly pictured in your mind. You've got it written down. And you love writing it down because every time you do it fills you with clarity of purpose.

In essence, you want to define completion objectively so that you know exactly what you're working towards. You need to define it subjectively as well so that you are motivated and excited to take action. This combination taps into the strengths of both your left and right brain.

-> Cross-Examine Your Fears.

Knowledge is power; however, some knowledge can reduce our personal power if it remains out of sight. With that in mind, write down all of the fears you've associated with the project. Then, take all of these fears and cross-examine them. Be ruthless. Determine how you can turn these strength-sapping thoughts into powerful, positive motivators for action. Yes, it sounds a bit far-fetched, but redefining your perspective to enable you to focus on creating-rather than worrying-is essential for personal success. For example, how often do you fear failure, imperfection, or the judgment of others? These fears are draining and really don't do much to help you feel powerful and ready to tackle a daunting project. When I fear failure, I find it helpful to flip the switch and think about what I will do to create success. In essence, I define what will make me feel successful with regard to a specific project. What can I do to be proud of my work? I acknowledge the fears I have and then remove the power I've attached to them. It's important to remember that we always have the ability to choose our personal perspective.

-> Create a Personal Road Map.

As we start our trip, we must know at least two key points on the map: our place of departure and our destination. The area in between these two points represents the land of uncertainty. In order to take action, we must first plan a successful strategy. To do that, we need to divide our completion goal into more manageable sub-goals. Not sure how to begin? Research some ideas by looking online, offline, and asking others. But don't let "research" overwhelm you. Create limits on how much time you're willing to spend on that research and when the time is up, stop! Then, explore what you found by creating mind maps, outlines, charts, or any other method that allows you to be creative and put the pieces together in a way that makes sense to you. Next, use all of this knowledge to determine mini-goals that you'll use as benchmarks for your completion goal. Typically, I create 5 to 10 mini-goals for complex projects. A mini-goal may be to write the outline for a novel (main goal: write a novel) or determine the right project management system for your business (main goal: create a virtual business). Then, focus on one mini-goal at a time and break it down into specific, daily action items. These action items and mini-goals will help you create a personal road map for the project. The key is to ensure that you create a map that is capable of changing. As obstacles arise, you must be able to modify your map. With this map, you should be able to see the details of the project and the big picture-both perspectives are critical when working on a complex project.

-> Track your Progress.

Keep a daily action log so that you recognize that you are indeed taking action. Clearly, it's sometimes difficult to understand that we're taking action when the results are not immediate; after all, we're very accustomed to instant gratification. A daily action log will also help you see what's working and what still needs some tweaking. It's helpful to be able to understand when something seems to be preventing you from moving forward. Most importantly, track your progress so that you can reward yourself for taking action. Positive reinforcement is essential to overall success both personally and professionally.

How do you take action on daunting projects? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section!

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Each day, I post inspiring tips focused on turning knowledge into action and action into change. You can read these tips and much more on carolynrubenstein.com.

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10 Methods to Use When Returning to Normal: Part Two

Carolyn Rubenstein — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:33:13 +0000

How does one go from overdrive to baseline without losing his or her sanity?

Last week, I discussed five methods I use to recalibrate my life and regain a sense of normality. You may want to review Part One before moving on to Part Two. The first five methods are listed below.

(1) Establish a Transition Mode
(2) Focus your Energy on a Passion
(3) Motivate Yourself
(4) Assess from 30,000 Feet
(5) Be Positive

Now, let's discuss the final five methods!

(6) Mistakes Will be Made

A great nation is like a great man: When he makes a mistake, he realizes it. Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it. He considers those who point out his faults as his most benevolent teachers.
- Stephen Mitchell's modern translation of the Tao Te Ching, in homage to Lao Tzu (ca. 500 B.C.)

When working in overdrive, we can make mistakes. They can be little ones, such as "Oops...I spent too little time on that project," or they can be a bit more significant. But regardless of their size, these mistakes can make us a bit upset. We often dwell on them and scrutinize them systematically, and in doing so torture ourselves for having done something wrong despite working so intensely. Unfortunately, this cognitive state is rather similar to mental quicksand; it can make any kind of transition seem impossible. It's easier said than done, of course, but recognizing that we made a mistake can be the perfect escape route.

Why?

Because even though we know that people make mistakes, we hold ourselves to different standards: "mistakes" = "bad." But remember, mistakes are an element of human nature and they provide one of the greatest methods of learning. So it's okay to admit, "I did this wrong." It will get you moving forward much quicker.

Need some inspiration? Read the book, Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson. It was a major eye opener for me recently.

Take Action:
→ Learn to Let Go

(7) It's Okay to Ask for Help

We all need cheerleaders. We all need supporters who look at us and exclaim, 'Yeah You!' Going crazy when we score a victory, whatever that victory may be. Supporters who feel deep in their hearts that when you win, they win. And if you lose, they'll keep on cheering, because the most fundamental truth is that you're worth your own cheering squad simply by being yourself.
- Ordinary Sparkling Moments by Christine Mason Miller

You have a support system for a very good reason: to give you support. When you need extra time to find your way through a transition, don't be afraid to ask for help. A good exercise to try is that if your good friend were in this situation, what would you tell him or her to do? Is that what you're doing for yourself? Usually, we're much kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves, so think carefully about your answer. If you're not doing the same for yourself, then you should be asking why. You don't need to be the "strong" supporter every moment of every day. Understand that you can still be "strong" even while receiving some support. Just ask! It's often during these brief periods that we are able to forge closer bonds with our friends as we learn from one another and support each other in different ways. But never be afraid that you'll appear weak if you ask for help. It's actually quite the opposite.

Take Action:
→ Ask for Help

(8) Notes to Self

Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily.
- Arthur Brisbane

I think a lot about how our words change when we speak them to ourselves compared to when we speak them to others, such as tweeting our thoughts, blogging, e-books, podcasts, instant messages, and the list goes on. Do our thoughts evolve differently when we formulate them for ourselves as opposed to when we assemble them knowing that others will be evaluating them? I have to assume that the answer is yes—it's basic social psychology.

For some people, thoughts may be more powerful when delivered to an audience while for others, it may be just the opposite. As an individual, I'm probably somewhere in between. However, it can be tricky to realize when our thoughts are meant for us or for an audience. When I am in that "transition" mode, I tend to journal more and write down thoughts that are also in transition. They are meant for me, and simply writing them on paper is tremendously powerful. Often, that’s exactly what I need in order to work through a certain thought or problem so I can move forward. Just because your words aren't published doesn't mean they aren't just as valuable—if not more so. It's important to value our self as a member of the wider audience and to realize that our thoughts don't need to be made public before they become meaningful. Great notes can be contained within your journal without guilt or worry. You are worthy of them.

I emphasize this point because you don't want to block thoughts from being released due to your perceived need for them to be ready (and thus perfect) for publication. Remember, your thoughts don't need to be published so that everyone can critique them. Realizing this allows us to untie that extra weight attached to such thoughts; it allows us to worry less about the output while we focus more on the process of change.

Take Action:
→ Document Your Story

(9) Focus on the Essentials

It isn't the great big pleasures that count the most, it's making a great deal out of the little ones. - Jean Webster

Focus on the essentials by filtering your ideas. For example, I generate about 50 pieces of scrap paper a day with ideas jotted down on them. I often leave these ideas scattered all over my office, which fills me with negative energy. Soon enough, I'm overwhelmed and unsure about where to start, much less about what I'm actually doing! It's as if the ideas are all competing for my attention.

Instead, put your ideas together and go through them.

a) Throw away those you no longer like or that aren't really applicable at this point. After you finish this exercise, you'll probably be left with about 20% of your original ideas.

b) Ask yourself which ideas are necessary or have utility for you today. Sure, writing a novel about shoes sounds fun, but can I do it anytime in the near future? No! So, off that scrap goes into the garbage! Don't let "fun" cloud your judgment! Then the second step is to filter your ideas and lose those that may seem great but will not be realistic anytime soon. At this point, you'll likely be left with 10-15% of your original ideas.

c) Go through the remaining ideas and look for any that might overlap. Do two of the ideas say the same thing but in different words? Do two of the ideas relate to the same project? Put similar ideas together and toss out any duplicates that pop up-it happens!

d) Now, decide what you will do with the remaining ideas. You can create a document on your computer for "ideas" and organize them by category, thus creating your own "idea database." Alternatively, you might want to include the idea in a project on which you are already working (e.g., research on animal communication).

The Result:
Your ideas are now under control and should create much less mental noise!

Take Action:
→ Follow the steps above to filter your ideas.
→ Do it Tomorrow

(10) Ordinary Moments can be Quite Extraordinary

Despise not small things.... A spark is a little thing, yet it may kindle the world. - Martin Farquhar Tupper

It's somewhere within the ordinary that we usually find "sparkling moments" or the trigger that gives us that "beautiful ripple effect."

What does that mean?

Don't underestimate what will actually occur when you are transitioning back to your daily routine. I read an incredible essay that really reminded me of this sentiment. It was called, A Witness to Grace by Aldra Robinson, the Real Simple Magazine Life Lesson Essay Winner.

Here is a tiny excerpt:

Working in that intensive care unit gave me countless sad tales, and some unfortunate memories are burned into my brain. But it wasn't some catastrophic moment that taught me one of the most powerful lessons of my life. I learned that unbelievably awful things can and do happen. In truth, they are not such rare, isolated events. Each of us has a story that would break someone's heart. Despite the grief and the unfairness of it all, we keep going. There are chores to be done. There are people who still need our care. There is a life to be led.

The three most powerful words: we keep going.

True and simple.

Take Action:
→ Experience Ordinary Moments

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What are your thoughts about the five methods mentioned in part two? What would you add? Or more generally, how do you create a sense of calm in your day-to-day life?

Each day, I post inspiring tips focused on turning knowledge into action and action into change. You can read these tips and much more on carolynrubenstein.com.