How does one go from overdrive to baseline without losing his or her sanity?
Last week, I discussed five methods I use to recalibrate my life and regain a sense of normality. You may want to review Part One before moving on to Part Two. The first five methods are listed below.
(1) Establish a Transition Mode
(2) Focus your Energy on a Passion
(3) Motivate Yourself
(4) Assess from 30,000 Feet
(5) Be Positive
Now, let's discuss the final five methods!
(6) Mistakes Will be Made
A great nation is like a great man: When he makes a mistake, he realizes it. Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it. He considers those who point out his faults as his most benevolent teachers.
- Stephen Mitchell's modern translation of the Tao Te Ching, in homage to Lao Tzu (ca. 500 B.C.)
When working in overdrive, we can make mistakes. They can be little ones, such as "Oops...I spent too little time on that project," or they can be a bit more significant. But regardless of their size, these mistakes can make us a bit upset. We often dwell on them and scrutinize them systematically, and in doing so torture ourselves for having done something wrong despite working so intensely. Unfortunately, this cognitive state is rather similar to mental quicksand; it can make any kind of transition seem impossible. It's easier said than done, of course, but recognizing that we made a mistake can be the perfect escape route.
Why?
Because even though we know that people make mistakes, we hold ourselves to different standards: "mistakes" = "bad." But remember, mistakes are an element of human nature and they provide one of the greatest methods of learning. So it's okay to admit, "I did this wrong." It will get you moving forward much quicker.
Need some inspiration? Read the book, Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson. It was a major eye opener for me recently.
Take Action:
→ Learn to Let Go
(7) It's Okay to Ask for Help
We all need cheerleaders. We all need supporters who look at us and exclaim, 'Yeah You!' Going crazy when we score a victory, whatever that victory may be. Supporters who feel deep in their hearts that when you win, they win. And if you lose, they'll keep on cheering, because the most fundamental truth is that you're worth your own cheering squad simply by being yourself.
- Ordinary Sparkling Moments by Christine Mason Miller
You have a support system for a very good reason: to give you support. When you need extra time to find your way through a transition, don't be afraid to ask for help. A good exercise to try is that if your good friend were in this situation, what would you tell him or her to do? Is that what you're doing for yourself? Usually, we're much kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves, so think carefully about your answer. If you're not doing the same for yourself, then you should be asking why. You don't need to be the "strong" supporter every moment of every day. Understand that you can still be "strong" even while receiving some support. Just ask! It's often during these brief periods that we are able to forge closer bonds with our friends as we learn from one another and support each other in different ways. But never be afraid that you'll appear weak if you ask for help. It's actually quite the opposite.
Take Action:
→ Ask for Help
(8) Notes to Self
Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily.
- Arthur Brisbane
I think a lot about how our words change when we speak them to ourselves compared to when we speak them to others, such as tweeting our thoughts, blogging, e-books, podcasts, instant messages, and the list goes on. Do our thoughts evolve differently when we formulate them for ourselves as opposed to when we assemble them knowing that others will be evaluating them? I have to assume that the answer is yes—it's basic social psychology.
For some people, thoughts may be more powerful when delivered to an audience while for others, it may be just the opposite. As an individual, I'm probably somewhere in between. However, it can be tricky to realize when our thoughts are meant for us or for an audience. When I am in that "transition" mode, I tend to journal more and write down thoughts that are also in transition. They are meant for me, and simply writing them on paper is tremendously powerful. Often, that’s exactly what I need in order to work through a certain thought or problem so I can move forward. Just because your words aren't published doesn't mean they aren't just as valuable—if not more so. It's important to value our self as a member of the wider audience and to realize that our thoughts don't need to be made public before they become meaningful. Great notes can be contained within your journal without guilt or worry. You are worthy of them.
I emphasize this point because you don't want to block thoughts from being released due to your perceived need for them to be ready (and thus perfect) for publication. Remember, your thoughts don't need to be published so that everyone can critique them. Realizing this allows us to untie that extra weight attached to such thoughts; it allows us to worry less about the output while we focus more on the process of change.
Take Action:
→ Document Your Story
(9) Focus on the Essentials
It isn't the great big pleasures that count the most, it's making a great deal out of the little ones. - Jean Webster
Focus on the essentials by filtering your ideas. For example, I generate about 50 pieces of scrap paper a day with ideas jotted down on them. I often leave these ideas scattered all over my office, which fills me with negative energy. Soon enough, I'm overwhelmed and unsure about where to start, much less about what I'm actually doing! It's as if the ideas are all competing for my attention.
Instead, put your ideas together and go through them.
a) Throw away those you no longer like or that aren't really applicable at this point. After you finish this exercise, you'll probably be left with about 20% of your original ideas.
b) Ask yourself which ideas are necessary or have utility for you today. Sure, writing a novel about shoes sounds fun, but can I do it anytime in the near future? No! So, off that scrap goes into the garbage! Don't let "fun" cloud your judgment! Then the second step is to filter your ideas and lose those that may seem great but will not be realistic anytime soon. At this point, you'll likely be left with 10-15% of your original ideas.
c) Go through the remaining ideas and look for any that might overlap. Do two of the ideas say the same thing but in different words? Do two of the ideas relate to the same project? Put similar ideas together and toss out any duplicates that pop up-it happens!
d) Now, decide what you will do with the remaining ideas. You can create a document on your computer for "ideas" and organize them by category, thus creating your own "idea database." Alternatively, you might want to include the idea in a project on which you are already working (e.g., research on animal communication).
The Result:
Your ideas are now under control and should create much less mental noise!
Take Action:
→ Follow the steps above to filter your ideas.
→ Do it Tomorrow
(10) Ordinary Moments can be Quite Extraordinary
Despise not small things.... A spark is a little thing, yet it may kindle the world. - Martin Farquhar Tupper
It's somewhere within the ordinary that we usually find "sparkling moments" or the trigger that gives us that "beautiful ripple effect."
