For some, "healthy, wealthy and single" has become a mantra for the 21st century. Read More
Playing devils advocate, single women don't have someone to make repairs around the house??? Oh hello 1950's. I didn't realize we had arrived.
See my reply, below, about how much has (or has not) changed since the 1950's. Sorry this got out of sequence!
I do my own home improvement projects and repairs. I even do routine maintenance on my car and god forbid I was born a woman. I did recently have to call a male friend over to help lift my washing machine so I could repair it. I called him though not because he was a man but because he was another human being. I just happened to know a guy who was single therefore was more likely to have free time to lend me a hand and he lives a couple streets over. A female friend could have also helped me I just don't have any female friends because they are all too busy taking care of their spouse and kids to have time for friendship.
I admire you for all that, I really do. To tell you the truth, I think I can do some of the same things better than a man. I had a husband who could not change a lightbulb without breaking it! I'm not knocking him, or men in general; it's just that people have different aptitudes. I was always good at fixing things (and take pride in it). But my point remains: married women have help-mates -- and therefore an advantage -- that single women don't have.
Thanks for commenting.
Some things haven't changed as much as you might think (from the 1950's). I often tell my married friends how lucky they are to have a man around the house! I have to do everything myself, from changing the beeping batteries in the smoke alarms (one of these days I'll fall off the ladder), to being my own carpenter and electrician for small jobs that don't warrant calling a professional.
Thanks for an interesting comment.
Gee, another sexism to undo.
So you assume guys are handy because
they're guys? That is a very sexist stereotype holding back both genders.
When we are "free to be, you and me",
neither gender will feel pressured to be married just to fill an emotional or functional hole in their lives.
See my reply, below, beginning "You obviously didn't read ..." Sorry this got out of sequence.
Over the years my boyfriends have done more damage to my home and cars. Because they are men they feel like they should be the ones doing the home repairs, but the men in my life don't read manuals, don't seek out instruction, they just get right to the "repairs".
I've had my house destroyed by paint (no drop cloths). I've had a tire blow out on the highway because it had too much air in it. I've had air conditioners stay in windows well into the winter because boyfriend was way too busy to remove it. Yet, boyfriends would feel insulted if I had taken on these tasks myself.
I'm so glad I've quit dating. I am able to manage my own repairs safely, without and argument and without hurting anyone's feelings.
I know exactly what you're saying -- and you say it so WELL! (Made me laugh. Are you a writer?) I have known men (friends of friends) like your boyfriends, but fortunately the men in my life knew their limitations and didn't try to "fix" anything. The one thing common to all men, in my experience, is the absolute refusal to ask for directions when they don't know where they're going. It's like refusing to read manuals, as you have described. (The old joke, "when all else fails, read the directions!")
Thanks for a great comment! It's a "keeper."
You obviously didn't read my earlier comment, or you wouldn't say that I assume guys are handy just because they are guys. I wrote: "I had a husband who couldn't change a lightbulb without breaking it." I was always the "handy" one in that marriage. I also said that we all have different aptitudes. Does that sound like a sexist remark? Sexism is in the eye of the beholder, maybe.
I already feel "free to be me." How about you?
Thanks for commenting.
I don't envy single women. I wouldn't trade my guy in for the world.
Good for you! Not all single women are single by choice. And many would envy you. I certainly do. Thanks for weighing in on the subject.
but you also have some assumptions about single women.
Single women aren't necessarily left forgotten and alone when they're not well, as many have family and good friends who care about them, and who will make certain that their needs are met during these times.
Single women may feel like fifth wheels when attending couples types of events, but some might bring dates, while others may no longer be interested in these types of activities. Single women often can be found in other types of situations where it doesn't matter if they arrive solo, with someone, or with a group.
A single woman often has a different type of lifestyle than one who's married and/or has a family, and some aspects of this would differ or would change if her circumstances did.
Some single women might face serious difficulties on their own, but then, so do some married women. Not all married women have it 'made in the shade.'
There's positive and negative aspects to both lifestyles, but mainly what matters is what suits that woman best. :-)
You make some good points, as did the article I was quoting. But I also said many of them were "largely debatable." I guess it just depends on one's personal point of view. I have been in both sides of the boat: married for a long time, widowed for a long time. Of course not all married women have it "made in the shade." I certainly didn't think I did, when I was married. (Now I wish I had done many things differently, but that's another story.)
As you say, there are both positive and negative aspects to both lifestyles. When playing devil's advocate, I was trying to be fair by telling a bit more of the story than the article expressed, which was all positives, and no negatives, about being single.
The funny thing is, my married friends envy my freedom, and I envy what they have in a loving relationship.
Thanks for a very interesting comment.
When I was married, I had a "spouse", and when I was sick or injured, I was still on my own because he wouldn't help. He'd go to his friend's house and wait until I was able to take care of him again. When I'm on my own, I know that if I get sick, I have no one to rely on, and it doesn't cause any resentment because I wasn't expecting any help. And yes, I do tune up my own lawnmower. :-)
However, I'm one of those "single by circumstance" rather than choice. I really did assume that I'd find someone else to be with, and it never happened. I wasn't assuming I'd be single the rest of my life.
I'm sorry to say that your "spouse" wasn't much of a bargain. But men aren't nurturers by nature, are they? We are the caregivers, so what do we expect? I don't have anyone to rely on when I'm sick, either -- and that's when I would love to have a cup of tea or a bowl of soup that I didn't have to make for myself.
I understand perfectly what you say about being "single by circumstance," not by choice. It's hard, I know. I never thought I would end up alone, either.
But "alone" doesn't necessarily mean "lonely." I have friends of both sexes, and I keep busy. I hope you do, too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Oh, I think many men ARE nurturers, but they have to be mature enough to care about the relationship, and some folks of both genders just can't get there. I find singlehood to be superior to bad relationships, but I'd give it up for a good relationship.
And you're correct, I don't get 'lonely'. :-)
You're right, of course. Although maybe not caregivers by nature, many men have become nurturers in their relationships, and I admire them for it. My late husband was one.
Being single is certainly better than being in a bad relationship. It's good that you don't get lonely. And who knows what the future holds? I still believe in happy endings.
My happy ending is that I am single. I get to do what I want when I want. I am wildly successful at what I do because I don't have nurture anyone else or be responsible to anyone else, which will take me away from my efforts. Consequently I am able to help thousands of people, not just one spouse, and enjoy myself while I do what I do.
You are in an enviable position. "Happy ending" means something different to everyone. I'm glad you've found yours.
I am involved in my community association and when I am among a group of members in the 40-60 age bracket I can pick out the single women effortlessly. The single women weigh less than the married women. The single women will have more to say about controversial topics like crime and parking, and will ask more questions. Single women are more likely to approach people at the meetings and introduce themselves. The married women tend to socialize with each other. The married women gravitate toward the social committees.
I believe you're right. I have observed many of the same things myself. It would be interesting to study the men in those same circumstances. Can you pick out the single men as effortlessly, I wonder?
Thanks for a thoughtful comment.
Single men are often better dressers and weigh less than their married counterparts, more neatly groomed. The married men lean toward teeshirts, cargo shorts and flip flops. And when it comes to Facebook, I've noticed the married men often use Avatars that contain weird pictures of both their face and the face of either their wife or their kid. What I have found the most disconcerting about married men is that they tend to use email addresses such as "TedandSueSmith@email.com". What happens with these emails is that one might be emailing Ted, but Sue will get the message first, call Ted on the phone and give him just a piece of the message along with her opinion, and the spread the content of the message with everybody else in the community.
I really wish married men could operate more independently.
This is wonderful! I had no idea that picking out the men (married, unmarried) was that easy. I've been out of the social scene so long there's a whole world out there I know nothing about.
I agree. Married men should operate more independently -- or not at all!
Thanks for a delightful comment.
There are many of us men that really hate being single, and many of us are having a very difficult time meeting a good woman to settle down with which would change our life completely. Well the ones that were Very Blessed By God to have met the love of their life have every reason to be Very Thankful, Don't They?
You mention that meeting a good woman will change both your lives completely. I would like to know what do you think is going to change, and how it is going to change.
If I may answer your question for Anonymous, above, I would say that he thinks (or hopes) that his life will be less lonely, that having someone to do things with, go places with, will add a dimension that he feels it lacks at the present time.
Do you remember the movie, The Apartment, with Jack Lemmon as a lonely bachelor who suddenly finds himself in a situation (it's complicated) with a woman in his apartment? As he is serving the spaghetti ("I made the sauce myself!") he says, "You know, it's a wonderful thing -- dinner for two!"
My point is that some people don't even know they are lonely until there is someone in their lives. But Anonymous knows it. And I'll bet he would like to be having "dinner for two."
I feel for him, and hope he finds that good woman soon!
I sympathize wholeheartedly, believe me! Not many of us can say that we were Blessed by God to have met the love of our lives, and fewer can say that we still have them. My husband (the love of my life) died thirty years ago, at the age of 51. I have never found another.
But I suspect that there is still time -- and hope! -- for you. I know it's difficult, but keep looking. You may be surprised to know that not all women like being single, either, and many would love to find a good man to settle down with. Joining clubs, gyms, churches, and participating in activities where men and women share an interest is the best way to find a soul mate, I've heard. Try it, and let me know if it works!
Thanks for commenting.
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E. E. Smith is a playwright and book author. Her new series of murder mysteries debuted in 2013. The first is titled Death by Misadventure.
When and how should we open up to loved ones?