No One Has to Be Alone

Navigating the challenging transitions of illness, death, and bereavement

by Lani Leary, Ph.D.

We Can Help the Dying to Feel Held

Hospice care offers hope, reduces fears, and supports people to live right up to their last breath. We can be prepared and design our "best death" based on our values and wishes. With the hospice philosophy and team, no one has to die alone, and no one has to grieve alone. Read More

Listening Is a Ministry and Discipline

To listen to another asks that we create a safe place; hold their truth; and behold their highest nature. Read More

We Can Discover As Well As Recover From Grief

Grief is information and we must bring it out into the light in order to discover how to soften our despair. Read More

Dying gives as well as takes away.

I am sitting with Shelley, a 62-year old woman riddled with cancer. She tells me the doctors have told her there is no treatment left to fight her illness. She has made peace with her family, her past, and her God. “So why is it taking so long to die?” she pleads. Read More

Death Is Not a Dial Tone

In my last post, I mentioned that there is a body of research about the continuing presence of deceased loved ones, termed After Death Communication (ADC). The consensus of the literature is that the different forms of communication and contact are profoundly comforting and reassuring to the bereaved. Read More

Death Does Not End a Relationship

Death changes our physical relationship with one another, but dying well can enhance our emotional bond to our beloved. Death changes a relationship, but it need not end it. Read More

The Power of Permission

When was the last time you asked a patient's permission to touch, talk, or enter their room? Read More

The Double-Bind of Masculine Grief

Men often report feeling in a “double bind” in which they are expected to “act like a man”, but judged for not sharing “like a woman”. Men feel their grief, but are more likely to manage it through activities and time alone to cognitively, rather than emotionally, process their understanding of the death. Read More

Role Models of Resiliency

Susan is a 40-year old mother of two sons and she is at a loss about how to help her 9 and 7-year olds understand that their father will never play ball with them again. She has to tell them that they will never see him again, because he died suddenly and unexpectedly of a massive heart attack. Read More

No One Has to Grieve Alone

Grief does not end, but grief can be transformed. Grief can soften. We can learn to accept our grief. Read More

No One Has to Die Alone

In the 25 years I have worked as a psychotherapist and hospice worker, I have had the privilege of being at the bedside of more than 500 people as they died. They taught me that how they die matters. They taught me the attitudes, skills, and competencies so that I could be of service and make a difference. You can too. Read More