New Chapter

A young woman charts her recovery from eating disorders.

by Adia Colar

Recovery Trumps Guilt

I honor my parents’ support by dedicating myself to recovery.

Published on November 14, 2011 by Adia Colar in New Chapter

In my last piece, I mentioned that I've been conversing with "Michelle," someone who struggles with bulimia.

Over the past few days, she's mentioned how guilty she feels about the money her parents will have to spend for her to go in inpatient treatment. I let her know that I totally understand.

God only know what my parents spent for outpatient treatment, therapists, support groups, etc. That was before I went to inpatient treatment. Inpatient cost a lot of money. Fortunately, according to my mom, they got most of it reimbursed, but wouldn't tell me how much they ended up paying. I tried a different aproach with my dad to disarm him. I spoke casually, as if it was an afterthought, asking how much they ended up paying after being reimbursed. My dad gave an estimate, and my heart dropped and wanted to cry. Holy crap, I thought, that's a nice car.

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A few months later - I can't remember when - I let my dad know how bad I felt about how much they ended up paying. He said, "Don't worry about it. The money isn't the issue. All we want you to do is stay better."

So that's my job.

Do I still feel guilty? Sometimes. Do I remember what my dad said and try to live by that? Absolutely. Feeling guilty only causes me to feel stuck. Choosing to honor my parents' financial, emotional, mental, and spiritual support by dedicating myself to recovery gives me a way to move past my guilt and take positive actions.