New Chapter

A young woman charts her recovery from eating disorders.

by Adia Colar

It Gets Better

Recovery helps repair family relationships - It Gets Better.

Published on June 16, 2011 by Adia Colar in New Chapter

I've been talking with this girl, "Michelle", who is struggling with an eating disorder. Chatting with her reminds me of the horrific struggle, both internally and externally, that people who have eating disorders deal with.

Today, I asked her how she was and she replied, "horrible." After a little prodding, she said her family told her she is killing herself and she is unhealthy.

Ah, the endless fights with the family. Anyone who's had an eating disorder and has a family that is aware of it - and cares - will fight about it sometime. I know I did. I can clearly remember some of the devastating fights my parents and I had regarding my eating disorder. I told Michelle that the fights, tears, and constant tension between them and me were possibly worse than the physical disease was. Even after all these years later, I try not to think too deeply about it because I feel guilty again.

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As bad as the fights were - and they were bad - the talking, reconciling, understanding, and healing was beautiful.

I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna - recovering and growing with my family was definitely rough. There were a lot of disagreements, hurt feelings, tears, and it was the only time I got away with screaming and cursing at my parents (and I let loose). But through the tears, laughs, and myriad of other emotions and experiences, we did a lot of healing.

In fact, I think my relationship with my parents is better now than it was before I developed an eating disorder.

I'm not alone with this. I've known dozens of people who've said that their relationships with their family became better after treatment and recovery than it was before.

But the thing is first we needed treatment. If we were still ruled by our eating disorders, we - nor our families - would've been in the space to heal. The clarity that comes from freedom from the disease helps to deal with family rifts. Also, when family members see the person with the eating disorder recovering, it can motivate them to work on their underlying issues.

It's hard to believe it gets better when someone is in the depths of their disease. That is why I encourage Michelle and others to see the example of those of us before them and have a little faith that if those relationships can get better for us, it can get better for them too.