That isn't a line in a dance song (although it certainly could be). Instead, it's a motto that has helped me countless times, and one that you can use as well.
I had this concept reiterated to me recently. At that time, I was on my computer, in a funk. After a couple minutes trying to determine what I was feeling, I recognized a few emotions, including self-pity. Since I didn't want to wallow in it, I decided to tackle it head-on. There is a book that I sometimes refer to in my recovery and since I didn’t even feel like getting my copy, I pulled up the text online and began reading every page that dealt with self-pity. I was starting to feel a little better - just a little bit - and I said, "I wonder if there's a meeting I can go to right now."
Almost ten years ago, when I got out of an eating disorder treatment facility, I started attending support group meetings. Occasionally I will attend online support group meetings. As it happens, sometimes the eating disorder meetings are scarce, yet there are plenty of support group meetings targeted to people who deal with alcoholism. While I do not necessarily share the specific challenges these people are experiencing, I have found that because we share the commonality of addiction, these meetings can still be very beneficial for me.
Guess what: when I ended up attending a meeting just a few minutes later, I found that to be just the case. I was in a better place when I left it than when I arrived. By the time I got home, that feeling of self-pity had subsided.
To incorporate this concept into your own life, answer the following questions:
• What is an area in your life in which you need some help?
No one should come up blank on this. We all need help in some area.
• What conventional methods are available to you to deal with this?
Think of all the tools that can help you with this area of your life. List whatever you think of instinctively.
• What unconventional methods are available for you to deal with this challenge?
Now really think out of the box. Identify tools, people, places, activities, etc. that might not necessarily seem relevant but that nonetheless help you when you're struggling. These can be options you might find yourself grabbing when conventional methods are either not working at the moment or you're not willing to use them. List everything that comes to mind - regardless of how silly you might think it seems.
• Keep the list where you can easily access it.
I have a list on one of my walls at home and entered into my phone.
• Repeat this exercise for other areas of your life in which you could use some help.
Tools are there to be used. It doesn't matter if they're conventional or unconventional. I can't tell you the number of times a readily available non-eating disorder meeting, for example, has helped this recovering compulsive overeater/ bulimic keep some sense of sanity. If something works for me, I'll use it.
Likewise, if something works for you, use it!
* NOTE *
I have received a strong response to this piece. People have mentioned one of the tenets of the group of programs, which says, "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and other public media of communication."
I have studied the tenets, including the one in question, and I was once a member of a public information committee. Over the years, I have heard a number of views about what respects, as well as what violates, anonymity. My understanding is that a person is allowed to share his/her experience as long as the person does not expose other people who attend the meetings and does not promote the programs as something others should practice.
My goal in the post above is to encourage people to find and use whatever tools help them deal with their challenges. It was not by any means to promote a particular program as a tool they should adopt. I mentioned the programs to share my experience and what inspired me to write this post. It is one of many tools I use in my own recovery. In fact, on my website, I included a list of alternatives to bingeing and purging (which can be used for a variety of areas) to inspire people to incorporate whatever works for them.
I was able to find the tenet online for the alcoholic support group, just re-read the version for the eating disorder program I participate in, and also spoke to some people who attend the same support group meetings with me. While I took the first source into account, I used the latter two to alter some of my post.
I appreciate all of the feedback I have received on this piece, even those with which I don't agree, and encourage more. It is important to receive more perspectives and insight than just my own.
