This chapter is both far from new while also one that's new everyday. Every morning I have the privilege of beginning another day in recovery.
My name is Adia and I am recovering from bulimia, bulimarexia, overeating, overexercising - in essence, a dysfunctional relationship with food and my weight. Here are the cliff notes and a few questions I've been asked before:
• around age 11, I began eating disorder behaviors in an effort to manage my weight
• my eating disorder (which I will refer to interchangeably as "ed" and "e.d.") became much worse by the time I was 13
• I went through a number of different treatment programs - two outpatient e.d. hospitals, one inpatient hospital, psychologists, psychiatrists, nutritionists, support groups, and more. Some were very effective while others were not, but I learned something from each of them.
"What's the deal now?"
I am in recovery, "abstinent" (as I refer to it), by the grace of God, one day at a time.
"Why do you refer to yourself as 'recovering' and not 'recovered'?"
Simple. I began my eating disordered behaviors at such a young age that it was how I learned to deal with life. And while I did things that other pre-teens, teens, and young adults would do, ed was still a pervasive force. So for the past few years, I've worked not only at recovering, but also learning how to live life without leaning on ed.
It's a job - one that doesn't end. Don't get me wrong - that doesn't mean it's bad. What it does mean, though, is that recovery takes work. It's not the kind of work where I get paid and make a living. It's the kind where I say, "Wow, I have to live life and act and respond as an adult - sanely, soberly, maturely, and not lean on my crutches of disordered eating and other addictive behaviors."
When I'm working my job-job, I'm also trying to work my recovery. When I'm done with my job for the day, I'm still trying to live in recovery. It's probably more challenging than any paid job I've ever had, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.
"So why write this blog?"
I believe I've learned - and am still learning - too much to keep it to myself. Many lessons I've learned have been specific to eating disorder recovery, but they can be applied to everyday life of people who have no experiences with purging, starving, bingeing, etc.
I want to share things I've learned with you, and I look forward to learning from you as well.
Welcome to this journey!
