Musings on the complicated business of thinking

Forget the Myths about Sex and Aging: Libidos Rage at Any Age

It’s time to officially throw out the myth that getting older means having less sex. Maybe that was true once (and that’s a big maybe), but in the age of sexual performance enhancement and increasing life expectancies, it couldn’t be less true now. Read More

Not oner size fits all

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While what you say is true for a certain proportion of older people, there are a growing population where this may not be the case. With more than half the nation of married couples sleeping in separate beds or even rooms not everyone is jumping and jiving to the same tune.


This may be true, however, the article didn't say whom the older people were having sexual relations with. It did not specify they were having it necessarily with spouses, so maybe some are having it outside of their marriages or with other peoples spouses.

Viagra maintains erections, not desire

Viagra increases blood flow to the genitals, both for men and women. However, Viagra's mechanical boost does not increase desire. Low desire, not some mechanical issue, is the primary cause of female sexual "dysfunction." I would bet that the main reason why more men than women age 75 to 85 are having sex is that men have a lower life expectancy than do women. There are many more widows than widowers in the 75 to 85 age cohort, and surely an elderly person who has no spouse is far less likely to be having sex than someone with a living spouse.

True Normal Male Sexual Decline is not discussed.

Psychology Today contribution 5 October 2013.
Commentary based on Research.

True Normal Male Sexual Decline is not discussed. There is never any mention of what a normal male can expect to occur over the course of his life and how his sexual response capacity will decline outside his control.
Articles say that his enjoyment will increase and it stops there. This is not an honest depiction of sexual aging. There is never any mention of at what age his greatest orgasmic potential is and its decline in specific terms.
There is not one word about the length of Refractory Period and when it begins to lengthen.
There is not one word about when the volume of blood diminishing during penile engorgement and the resulting change in angle of erection as a sign of aging or lessening function.
No mention is made of the peak of testosterone production and its ability to be used by his body and the resulting diminishing of sexual function related to a slowing of this testosterone production.
There is no mention of the decreasing ability to sexually respond and ceasing of male multiple orgasm possibility as representative of natural male sexual decline.
Nothing is said of the psychological toll this denial/ignorance/hiding of these truths.
These types of realities are hidden and denied by purposefully using words such as "may" or "enjoyment increases" or "libido continues". There is also the reality of that when a man seeks some type of therapy for his ED, he is treated as a singular entity as if it is only happening to him, his concern and that no note is taken of natural sexual decline since the age of 18 and that his enjoyment will return once he can achieve erection, totally denying all of the above.
The time has come to discuss all of the above from the age of 14 years so that males will know when, how, the level of decline and how it is shown and what to expect from his declining orgasmic response capability as of maturity (18 years approximately).
That's when honesty begins. Solly.

This is more Popular Media Nonsense

I am so tired of people in the media and quacks trying to convince us that men do not naturally experience a decline in libido and the ability to perform sexually as we age. The real myth is that elderly men are just as interested in sex at 60 as they were at 30. It just isn't true for the vast majority of men. Oh, we still have desire, but it more of a slow burn than a passionate flame. We just don't want sex like we used to and, even if we did, we would not be able to perform regularly as we did in our youths. Myths cannot overcome biology regardless of how often they are repeated by supposed "experts." I don't know many elderly men who regularly have sex or even want to. For most, it is an occasional to rare occurrence, since their wives gave up on sex years before.

Another myth that needs to be dispelled is that we enjoy sex more as we age. We enjoy it differently, but not necessarily more. Sex for older men is more about emotional intimacy than being the super-stud performer we once were (or thought we were). Because of this, the actual sex act is less important than the emotional gratification derived from intimate contact.

So "experts," how about teaching middle-aged men the truth so that in just a few years, when that flame begins to die down, they won't believe that there is something wrong with them. Teach them that sometime in their mid-40s to mid-50s they are going to experience something similar to the climacteric that women go through, at which time their libido is going to fluctuate quite a bit and then slowly ebb. Teach then that they aren't going to lose all interest in sex, but that the nature of that interest is going to be remarkably different than is now. Teach them that such factors as general health, the natural decline in testosterone production, medications, diet and stress can and probably will diminish their interest in sex and their ability to perform. In other words, stop treating men like horny teenagers who are supposed to be the same sexual male in their later years that they were in college.

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David DiSalvo is a science and technology writer working at the intersection of cognition and culture.


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