Like lovers, parents must always negotiate a fine line between nurturing and controlling. But many parents these days step way over the line into controlling, engineering their children’s lives from an early age. Hyperinvolvement, however, is always counterproductive, as parents transmit anxiety to their kids and create psychologically fragile creatures who, once they leave the protective cocoon of home for college, can’t handle the normal vicissitudes of life. It’s ironic that those who mean only the best for their kids wind up bringing out the worst in them. Here's how to know whether you are one of those parents:

You have an image of your child silk-screened onto a tote bag.

You have a Nannycam.

You have thought of hiring a consultant, or actually hired one, to child-proof your home.

If asked, you might describe your role as executive manager of your child’s life.

You will not seat your kid in a shopping cart unless you bring a shopping cart liner.

You have a life plan mapped out for your three-year-old.

You believe that free play is a waste of time that detracts from achievement.

You believe there are far too many sex perverts out there to let your kids play outdoors.

You have done your child’s homework or written a paper on one or more occasions.

You have emailed or called a teacher or administrator to protest a grade your child received.

You have called school demanding that your child be given a part, or a better part, in a play.

Your baby is more than three months old but you won’t leave him even with your own parents.

You’ve hired a psychologist to test your child in the hopes of finding a problem.

When your kid struggles with something, that’s your cue to take over the task.

You pay your kid every time he or his team wins a game or every time he gets a good grade.

You’ve made a trip to school just to bring a paper or homework your child left at home.

You’d feel like a failure if your kid didn’t get into Harvard, Princeton, Yale or some other Ivy.

You have GPS on your kid’s cellphone.

You’ve told your son or daughter he or she is brilliant.

You’ve told your child that second best is not good enough.

You call the dean of student affairs rather than coach your kid how to handle a roommate problem.

You suspect you might be doing too much for your child—after all, no one did so much for you and you turned out OK—but you fear that without your vigilance your child will be “left behind.”