John, what an honest and insightful piece of writing. You are not alone in this.

You wrote: "I realize that what positive self-image I possess is founded on the things I've done. I am, to a large degree, my work and my accomplishments."

I experience this acutely. And, in fact, I had an e-mail exchange this week (with a fellow Aspie blogger) about the "human being vs human doing" advice. It doesn't work for me, either. I am intimately identified with the skills I possess, my gifts, and what I can produce. My work. It is my source of self value. And more and more precarious as the economy stumbles.

Thank you for articulating what I am going through. And if it is any consolation at all (and I hope it is), your book- Look Me In the Eye- and this article have helped me feel less alone in the world. And understood by one more person. Even as I feel isolated.

John,

I really appreciate your honesty and openness in this article - I'll be saving it to show some of the students and adults that I work with, both on and off the Spectrum.

My heart truly goes out to you and to others who feel this way more often than not.

I have not read your book, but am now planning on doing so. Thank you for contributing to the education of neurotypicals. Maybe once more people get it - people will be more direct with each other, using plain-spoken words to show their support and appreciation of you and others on the Spectrum.

Sincerely,
Rachel

John,

Thank You for your honesty about Asperger's. Your writings really help me, and are very insightful, to understand the feelings and mind of Aspergian's. My brother and my father are, I feel, undiagnosed Aspergian's. I also have one son, age 7, diagnosed with Asperger's and another son, age 6, who I feel is also an Aspergian. I read your book "Look Me in the Eye" and I found it to be very helpful in understanding my son and how to reach him. Your book has enabled me to also help his teachers in understanding Asperger's. I am happy to say that this year he is in a blended classroom with other neurotypical children and he is meeting and exceeding expectations. I owe this in part to you and your writing's. I enjoy your writings and I find them to be extremely helpful. My goal is to help fill the void between Neurotypical and Neurodifferent individuals. As I was reading your article, I just wanted to reach out and give you a big bear hug. You were able to articulate very clearly how my father feels. He has said the exact same ideas to me in so many words. Your article really hit home, and even at age 7 I hear my son's voice in your writing.

Your friend,

Laura

Woof!

Reading your article made me sad.

What machines do you fix?

I have ADHD and am married to a man with Asperger's. He is sad all the time. Reading what you wrote may help me to understand him a little better.

Thank you for sharing.

as the mother of a 5 1/2 year old boy who has autism...high functioning as he is...the sentence which really taught me something i haven't witnessed or come across somewhere else is the bit about how 'human being' to those who live with neurological differentness often means less than 'human doing'....i hope i will be able to find more such illuminating concepts when i finally buy and read the book...look me in the eye

John,
I am the parent of an 8 year old boy diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I have met other parents of children with AS who received their own diagnosis after their child was diagnosed. I never thought I might be one of them until I read what you wrote this November. I have always felt isolated, even during periods of time rich with friendships. The friendships fade away, and I am lonely again. I have felt like the forgotten family member most of my life as well, and it's highlighted during the holidays when family members make plans with others, and not mine. Lately I have been focused on this issue for my son, terrified that he will grow up feeling as lonely and isolated as I do. My efforts to help him establish friendships and form connections among family members are not successful. We have joined all of the groups, organizations, etc. I have entertained other children for playdates without reciprocity. School is more painful for him than anything. Do you have suggestions for other ways to try? What might have helped you as a boy? How do I help so that my son does not continue in isolation?

Thank you for sharing your experiences through the blog and your book. Reading them helps me sort through the issues.
M. Langan

Interesting. I am a diagnosed Aspie and a mother and I have raised my children with the refrains "you are your actions" and "happiness comes from accomplishments".

That "human-being" vs. "human-doing" business is dumb. I am not an internal stew of feelings and self-image. I am my actions.

Beautiful honesty is always just beauty.

How good it is to read someone else's thoughts and to recognize them.
I only found out a week ago what is wrong with me, by pure coincidence.
I am 48 now and I have the impression that everything is getting worse, but finally knowing the underlying cause gives me hope .
Thanks for the article.

Patrick-belgium

I do not have Asperger's but I did grow up in a home with two alcoholic parents. Shool was hell for me until 5th grade and I found a teacher who realized my potential. It changed everything for me. Anyway, I identified with a lot of things that you spoke about. I wonder how much of your family life could have contributed to those feelings.
I was good at reading facial expressions but never trusted them because at home a facial expression didn't always represent what would come my way. So I excelled in one area which often put me in the spotlight which is tha last place I wanted to be. I have struggled all of my adult life with depression and trying to figure out how to distinguish between those people that are great actors and those that are great friends.
Thanks for your honesty.

I am mother to a 6 year old Asperger who has begun to feel isolated and sad. It hurts me to see him internalizing his sadness at such a young age. I don't as yet have any means of helping him. However I do believe that loneliness doesn't necessarily have to be sadness. I'm not an Aspie, but I have some underlying spectrum tendencies. I had a lonely childhood, so I know how it feels.

I've understood one thing - people find happiness in accomplishments or through relationships. But what I'm trying to teach my son is that outside of these too, there is enough beauty in this world and finding it is a good reason for living. Finding truth, beauty, knowledge, understanding - the pleasure that comes from these can be legitimately turned into joy.

It's also a powerful feeling to know that we are not alone, even in our loneliness.

Something I have noticed about myself is that, although I am a writer, I am typically clueless when it comes to reading my own feelings. They come out through my characters, it seems, for I read about my characters' experiences and I think, 'Hey, I think that might be how I feel, too.' John, when I read your blogs, especially this one, I might as well be reading something that I've written. Although I have a loving husband and two spectacular children, sadness, isolation, and a lack of self-worth pervade my existence if I am not happy with my writing or do not feel that I am being productive in a way that only I can be. Not that those in my life don't provide love and joy, but it certainly isn't enough. Thank you for your insights. They help me put a finger on what goes on within me.

much of what you wrote here, i could really relate to.

Wel, let me see... i think i have dyssemia (or at least some mild dyssemia). But I hope and pray that God would heal me from it.

i could relate to some of what you said. I hope you send me an email.

I have two sons (out of four) diagnosed on the spectrum. It is so helpful for me to read your thoughts as they may very well be the thoughts of my boys. Thoughts which they can not express. There is more value in that alone than you can understand.

I think that what you are saying is that you derive so much of your value out of what you do that you feel empty when you can not do what you love. And people can not fill your void.

Everyone goes through seasons of loss and grief and worry. When you feel like you've lost everything what is there left to hold onto? For me that is the hope I find in Jesus Christ and the promises found in God's Word. The Life Applications Study Bible has really helped me to understand how to apply it's lessons to me today and to find comfort in hard times. And I am willing to bet it could help you in your journey as well.

Another book which I think would speak to you is called Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Be encouraged!

Your book will be helping people for many decades to come.

Being an aspie myself, and having been abandoned on the playground as well, this article really hit close to home. I congratulate you on putting this up - this is one of the few times where I've seen people actually directly say specific instances like that on how it effected their childhood, instead of a bunch of symptoms and side effects written in a very general manner.