Another way to look at it is that the people who like your writing tend towards abstract thinking. Perhaps over time, the people who love abstract thinking develop filters for each other, like "gay-dar" or "jew-dar" - Aspergians have "nerd-dar" and you are simply attracted to other people who share your appreciation for abstraction.

Is there a standardized test for nerdiness? Maybe you could find out if there is a correlation between people you find attractive and people who love abstraction.

Jerry
Click here to read my essay about John Robison's Look Me in the Eye

Excellent!

Well, I have to admit, you had me going with that $232,000 grant. I was feeling kinda bad about myself until I read your reversal. Why bad? because I am bright, hard-working, around your age group and it made me feel like "what have I done with my life?" lol

Interesting article and question. Of course, I seem to enjoy your blogs whatever topic. :-)

first, thanks, i'll take this article as a compliment, oh friend on fb.

secondly, in my sped background, and in my son and other aspies and autism people i know, i have observed there is less an identifiable feature per se, as there is an identifiable expression which lends itself to good looks. it isn't a devoid expression but a rather blank play across the features. i refer to it with my son as "he's watching a movie behind his eyes, again." the blankness has a lack of tension in the face that reads as innocence, and frankly, innocence is an attractive trait. and i imagine, it keeps one looking youthful as adult, too.

loved ur post... ok so i m one of those who like ur writing... a geeky aspie gal... and i do agreee with cathy c that i hv observed a similar expression on faces of fellow aspies (or others with some kind of adhd or geeky inclination lurking somewhere)... so does that make me attractive? i'd say YES i m attracted to myself... the naive narcissus... are aspies narcissists?... perhaps... and we are happy to be... :-)

If I may John, I like Just ADD. If your a child that's hyper active and distracted you have depression. ADHD is a fictional term for depressed mothers that refuse to acknowledge their children have depression. Wonderfully creative thoughts. Sincerely,David

John, whether you realize this or not, you're showering many ladies out here in cyber-world with flattery. Not bad for an Aspie! Those of us who are mothers, spouses, teachers, etc. of those on the autism spectrum DO enjoy your insightful writing.

I absolutely find a connection with and attraction to people on the spectrum or those with ASD/Aspergian traits. And it has been that way since I was a child, before I was aware of autism. Now as an aware adult, married to an Aspie, mother to a daughter with Autism, and a special ed teacher, I often see the "look", the expression of ASD, in others.

So as a "geek fancier" and "strong sympathizer", I found this to be an entertaining article.

The picture of the bovine-type creature was a nice touch!

Lynne, I met him while walking through a field in the Chiapas highlands in Mexico. Luckily he did not get up and chase me.

“Robison derives enormous enjoyment from humiliating people.”

They probably wrote that because of the stuff about the pranks, while not considering the wider perspective of what your everyday life was like for you and your subsequent general emotional state.

John says some of the women who like him have Aspergian husbands - in that case they have been pre-selected by someone who has some similar traits to him - like having a personal shopper who shares your taste.

This idea needs more testing and I suggest that photographs of a number of women who have not yet read the book be dispatched to Robison's house for him to rate, and the women should read the book and give it a mark out of 10, and then see how well it matches up. John, if you have an identifiable physical type (blondes, brunettes) that you go for, maybe we should try to match that so that as much of the judgement as possible is done on whatever it is you're detecting.

John, IMO you have an attractive facial structure, but I have also seen many photos of Aspergians that do not, again IMO.

So I was already laughing, but I outright snorted at "Non-supporters do things like leave anonymous reviews on Amazon, so I can’t see them. I can only read their words and imagine. But if my imagination is a guide, boy, their situation does not look good"

You certainly continue to blow the doors off the absurdly inacurate stereotype that folks on the spectrum lack humor!

I'd have to agree that we all have a natural propensity toward those who offer their support and approval. From an evolutionary standpoint, it would certainly make sense (and save us all a whole lot of time!) to be attracted to those who find us attractive in return. However, it would be terrible for pubs, bars, nightclubs and 'Plenty of Fish' so I suppose it's good that evolution is imperfect.

Thanks for the laugh!!

I'm hoping that bit about your control group being from Plenty of Fish was a subtle joke to go with your grant prank! If not, I'd better point out that the women you referred to as being mostly married with kids have clearly been chosen as a "keeper" by someone (quite likely a fellow Aspergian), but the women on Plenty of Fish are all the leftovers - sorry, no offence meant to the women who I'm talking about but it's hardly a control group, is it? They are the fish that John West rejected!! Oops, I think I'm getting a bit rude here, better hold back.... but do you get my point?

It would be pretty hard to find a fair representation of those who don't care for your writing - mind you, I have never met a single person who DIDN'T like your book - but I do quite like the idea of grabbing some kind of random sample of women who haven't read the book, making your judgement on their attractiveness, THEN getting them to read the book, so that you are not influenced by hearing their opinion first. Don't know that anyone would pay you $2,320 to do it though, let alone $232,000!! LOL! Still, very interesting ideas, John.

Fiona, that seems like a good point about the "keepers" and the "leftovers," but it has been refuted in numerous relationship studies over the years.

If I had not read the studies I'd have agreed with you, but remember that top shelf wives still lose husbands to death, serious illness, prison, relocation out of the country, the Foreign Legion and a host of other causes.

And there's still plain old divorce. I have seen some highly desireable females whose husbands just up and left. Once again proving beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

So I don't think that alone would be an explanation.

It would be interesting to expand the study and see if Aspergian females saw the situation the same as me.

I have considered other explanations for my finding. Jerry Waxler had an excellent thought at the beginning of this thread . . . perhaps abstract thinkers as a group are both attacted to my writing and attractive to me.

Woof!

Fiona - don't be too sure that nobody would pay him, somebody paid for that study into what female waist/hip ratio is considered most attractive by fathers of autistic children. http://www.bath.ac.uk/news/archive/2009/1/6/autism-whr.html

Migraine or not, when you told me about how you were inspired to write this....I kept my cranky self motivated to read it before I nap again. Anyway, I do believe there is a certain "look" to Aspergers. It stands to reason that the attraction levels are going to be substantially higher between individuals who share a unique connection which stems from a primal factor.

LIKE attracts LIKE ~ POLARITY compliments POLARITY ....these primal mating rituals are what keeps mankind moving forward in evolution. I am of the belief that all of this takes place on a subconscious level as it is part of our "coding" - does that make sense?

btw: I was so excited at the onset of this article when you mentioned the grant - was that a pay back from last week's show when Yvonne got you good? - LOL:-)

I'll take the compliment! And furthermore, my own 6yo son, diagnosed HFA/Aspie, is so good-looking we know he'll break numerous hearts!

I may be biased.

And I have to say that your test vs. control was terrifically biased.

You look at images of your obvious fans, and THEN a big ol' set of others? I could see a quick study if you mixed 'em up and did a blind test. No grant needed, just get an intern from Psychology Today!

Entertaining as usual. I am a fan, and I thank you for this column.

Hello from another Facebook friend and admirer. I have a son with autism and twins, one with autism and one neurotypical. I've heard the anecdotal stuff about autistic kids being attractive - my own kids are adorable and every diagnostic report on them begins by saying how cute/adorable they are. I also think that your book is so powerful for so many of us and both a heartbreaking and heartwarming story that you naturally get a lot of females interested in your work. (Plus I was a private first class in the KISS Army in the 70s and LOVE Ace!) - further - I think that it takes two good looking people to make a cute kid - so the chances of us fans of yours being attractive is pretty high! Lastly, I think that women who read a lot of non-fiction are smart and usually plenty attractive (I'm a librarian). So there you go!

As a mother of a 10-year-old aspie son, i see him as attractive and overall extremely endearing. He's had teachers in the past who have requested to move up a grade just so they could be with my son again. At 10 he has his own utube account where he shows his animations and is teaching himself Japanese and can now write the symbols well enough that other Japanese children can read them (although his handwriting is terrible and he does most of his work on an Alphasmart). He's starting to develop crushes on girls and I don't want him to be hurt. I know ultimately he'll find a good match. And I can always spot anther child on the spectrum. There is a kinship and understanding. If you think about it genetically, our bodies are but shells. It's what's inside that counts.

Being the Aspie mom of an Autie child and the daughter of two people most likely on the spectrum, I often look around my daughter's Special Ed classes and wonder which children share our diagnoses, in hopes of connecting with other parents for both companionship with people who understand our world and people with whom to share parenting tips. I have noticed a "look" to those on the spectrum, but have never been able to define what the look is...

I have also noticed that a disproportionate number of my friends from past school days (all of us "nerds") have children on the spectrum. When looking at photos, it seems that all of us and our children could somehow be related, which leads me to believe that the "look" is real. It also seems that most of us have unusually symmetrical faces, which may be why the perception of attractiveness would be there. Many people have told me that I am crazy for thinking this, and it is nice to know that at least in part someone else shares my theory.

I understand that the supportive women of whom you speak are not necessarily on the spectrum, but it would make sense if a large number were, whether diagnosed or not, because they would naturally share your point of view.

I also often laughingly wonder if ASDs are not an evolutionary process, geared toward our world's technological advances and the subsequent need for people who are geeky enough to run it.

I think my current fb profile pic is pretty good, but now I'm a little nervous at the thought you might be judging it.
My son on the spectrum is(was) adopted and we didn't meet him until adoption day in China. He was not diagnosed until over a year later when he was almost five. No one else in my extended family has this kind of diagnosis, but we are a family of academically inclined folks and former band nerds.
People do often mention how cute he is. As far as a characteristic facial expression - well he definitely has one but I think it's unique to him. I have been known to imitate his expression (bad Mom) and, even when he isn't present, people who know him well will immediately chuckle and say, "You look just like him!"
But actually, his expression is similar to the one on your book cover; except he puckers his lips out when he squeezes his eyes shut.

Going by your criteria here I think you would find me devastatingly attractive. ;) I have always been attracted to the geeky bookworm type of guys. I didn't even know I was an Aspie until last weekend. I was researching the subject thinking my long-term platonic boyfriend has it. Still think he does but he tests NT. I on the other hand test way way into Aspie land.

As far as looks, I know as a young child my head seemed too big for my body. I have that vacant stare everyone talks about. But it doesn't feel vacant from the inside. It feels like I'm absorbing info through my eyeballs. I do have a thin athletic build and I am very pale so if that's "the look" then I fit.

I thnk what stands out most is that I seem childlike. Even though I'm 49 I dress like a kindergartner. Hey I'm 5'2 and 100 lbs. You try getting clothes in America anywhere but the children's dept that fit. I love rabbits so a lot of my socks have bunnies on them. I know how it comes across to others. Very uncool. But hey, I like to have a laugh when I look down at my feet so for me, it works. I find them amusing. But I have actually been fired from my job for how I dress. Whatever. I hated that job anyway.

I remember an old movie star friend told me that he used to get the pupils of his eyes painted larger in all his headshots because when you like someone your pupils enlarge and the casting agents would pick up on that subconsciously and would like him more. Made sense to me. I wonder if this is related. We can't see each others' pupils on-line so our words have to serve. Interesting subject though.

This topic reminds me of those situations where a man approaches a woman for a date, but she turns him down, so he then declares that she was ugly anyway, and probably a lesbian too!

Without the normal social cues to determine how to connect to another human, we have to find our own ways to evaluate other people's intent and their position in our personal social circle. Positive and negative social experiences build up a set of reference points that, when combined, create a pretty accurate indicator of how a new person will react to key situations.

The easiest way to translate this to social norms is to relate this to attractiveness, but I think it should be very clear that this reference to attractiveness probably has little to do with any overt sexual desire or the platonic ideal of a woman. It's more like saying you're attracted to cookies because they taste great and you have many fond memories of eating cookies.

I'm sure that there is a great deal of overlap between what different people with Aspergers/Autism find attractive. I think that is because two of the most important traits that an A/A person looks for in others is honesty and kindness. These traits aren't easy to spot in a photograph, but it's easy to see the effects on someone's face who does not have these traits. People without these traits "wear" their faces differently and people who can't read social cues look to these wear marks to quickly categorize someone else.

I agree people with Aspergers look alike and I think it has more to do with genetics than "blank looks", although that might play a part. I have a feeling we all share some sort of ancestor that probably played an important part in human evolution, but as we kept evolving more and more changes happened to the point where the only thing left are people with Aspergers.

About Aspergers being good looking I have to concur. I'm a very attractive bastard. I almost wish I was not so good looking because its almost like an invitation for people to want to socialize with me.