For much of my life, people have attributed extremely negative meanings to my innocent Aspergian eccentricities. My discomfort at looking people in the eye was a sure sign of deception and trickery. My problems with inappropriate facial expressions were a sure sign of a sociopath, and we all know how many killers are sociopaths. My discomfort around other people was often a sign I was up to something. Who wouldn't be uncomfortable around people if you just robbed them blind? Well, sociopaths wouldn't be uncomfortable, but no one figured that out.
That's a lot of bad stuff for a nice Aspergian to swallow. It's no wonder many of us grow up with poor self image. But the fact is, those are the preconceived notions of many people in our society. And by "many people" I am talking about good, well-meaning people. When I get to know them, they are sweet, and considerate. That goes a long way to help my self image, but it does not change the fact of their original reaction to me and others like me. Those reactions come from deep within, and they've evolved over thousands of years.
Yet I am 51 years old and I never did any of that bad stuff people attributed to me. Clearly, if those reactions are indeed something that's evolved in neurotypical humans, peole like me are not their correct target. We just get hurt anyway.
It's hard to change such an ingrained thing. And then you add race. Quick now . . . tell me what a typical mugger looks like. Many studies have shown that - for a majority of Americans - crime wears a black or other minority face.
So what do you have in a black Aspergian? A dangerous criminal, in many people's eyes. Look how bad I was, to listen to those critics from my teenage years. Imagine what they'd have said if I was big and black, instead of big and white?
What an ugly scenario. It's no wonder the black male Asperger population is mostly invisible. Interestingly, it's only the black Asperger population that's invisible. There are plenty of black kids who are disabled with autism in our schools. What's the difference? When a kid has severe autism, it's obvious that he's disabled. So other humans feel an instinct to help. There's no need for kids with autism to hide.
An Asperger kid who looks normal, but laughs and says "You look like a pig today!" is in a whole different situation. I experienced that firsthand as a white kid. I can only imagine the reaction to some of the stuff I did, had I been black.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post asking where the black Aspergians are. With all the Asperger people I meet, black males are almost invisible. Some people responded to my post publicly, and many more wrote private emails. Today, I have a better sense of where they may be hiding. Thanks to those of you who wrote in, I have two possible answers to offer:
1 Jail
For a variety of reasons, a disproportionate share of our prison population consists of black males. In some cities, a full third of the potential young black male population is in jail or under correctional supervision.
Asperger's causes all manner of social problems. I've seen many, many disaffected and alienated Aspergians. What happens when someone is disaffected and alienated, and black and poor? There are several possibilities, but I'm afraid jail is pretty high on the list.
2 Hidden in plain sight
To paraphrase what several people wrote: It's hard enough being black, let alone being black and different. I think that may well be true. I suspect some black Aspergians learned how to fit in - just as I did - because they were not offered the "gentler special needs accommodations" afforded to middle class white kids.
It is this second group that interests me. If it's true that a good many young black Aspergians manage to blend in, wouldn't the rest of us benefit from knowing how they did it? I think so. I suspect they learned many of the same techniques that I and other middle aged Aspergians had to figure out, because there was no Asperger diagnosis when we grew up and it was sink-or-swim in the social pool for us, with no special accommodation.
Those of us with Asperger's are always less than 1% of the population. In my opinion, we in the 1% are fools if we expect the other 99% to change their behavior to accommodate us. Sure, we deserve better treatment. But so do many other marginalized groups. The reality is that life will go smoother if we can fit in smoothly with the 99% instead of sticking out all the time.
That's not to say we shouldn't celebrate our uniqueness - I'm all for that. I just think we need to always recognize the difference between being dangerously weird and pleasantly eccentric. My life sure got better when I started to figure that out.
I deplore the environment that forces young black people with Asperger's to blend in to survive. But at the same time, I admire their doing so, and I believe the successful moves they make can stand as a life lesson for all of us, as we all - yes, even you neurotypicals - struggle to fit in as we grow up.
