In the business of doing for others what they can do for themselves? Welcome to the reality of Enabler/Disabler (they are one and the same). Read More
This is really an important point that may help people see why enabling is really not only a misnomer, but a dangerous practice.
Helping others feels so good but I can see how it is also a bad habit, or perhaps a controlling habit, which cheats others out of doing for themselves. Great topic.
Good valid points. It's so tempting sometimes to reach out to help someone, but really what we're doing is taking away their power and giving ourselves more in so many circumstances.
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So, by NOT helping someone do something they can feasibly do on their own - on a regular basis - we're actually enabling them to be more functional people... think I've got it! I need to remember this with my kids.
This is very true. I have realized that I do this with my husband, who is nine years older. I don't mean to, but the reality is that I end up doing more and more for him when he is perfectly capable of doing stuff himself, albeit more slowly. Thanks for this reminder!
I also need to remember this with my adult children. Thank you for a well thought out opinion.
A friend of mine who is visually impaired often talks about this ... about how sighted people assume she needs / wants help ... rather than asking or allowing her to handle things herself. She finds it really frustrating.
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Meredith Resnick, L.C.S.W., is a health writer and licensed social worker. She is also the mother of two adopted daughters.
When and how should we open up to loved ones?