I was truly saddened to read the recent findings that showed more adolescent males are dying than ever. Most of the adolescent deaths stem from reckless behavior, whether car accidents or violence.
Suicide was another major factor, accounting for a quarter to a third of all deaths in 10-24 year-old young men. Of course, there are many reasons-socio-economic,
education, etc.-that contribute to these facts, but both high-income and low-income youths are affected.
I think of the student from Rutgers University, Tyler Clementi, who jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after a video was posted online of him reportedly having sex with another man.
How can we keep young men from dying, whether from drugs or violence or reckless driving or from suicide?
And why is the rate of death rising for this population?
There are a number of reasons young men are in such crisis, such as the prolongation of adolescence. Only two generations ago, work began when a boy was 14 years old. A generation later, it was age 16. Now a male is lucky to have a job that allows him financial independence in his mid-20s. Unemployment and other stresses lead to more alcohol and drug abuse. But to me, one of the outstanding reasons boils down to "big boys don't cry."
Many different cultures believe in the stereotype of the "strong, silent" types-the heroes of movie Westerns, the never-ruffled spies, the valiant Samurai, the swaggering gang members and flush drug dealers.
Fear, sadness, disappointment, regret, envy-what is a boy taught to do with his emotions? Is he allowed to cry when he's hurt or does he have to buck up and take it like a man? Can a teenager admit to his peers that drinking/drugs/fast driving aren't safe and thank you very much but I don't want to go there? Can a twenty-year-old say "I'm depressed and I really need help," before he turns to thoughts of suicide?
Depression can be treated. Suicide can be prevented. But our young men have to be taught that it's okay to ask for help. Less than 20 percent of men under the age of 25 have sought assistance before they commit suicide; the great majority suffer in silence. It's okay, and completely necessary, to find someone, anyone, a young man can entrust with his fragile heart, his emotional pain.
If there are young men in your life-your sons, or brothers, or friends-who are acting out, living on the edge of danger, sunk into depression, or just seem a little "off," talk to them. Ask them, privately, what's going on. Go with them to a doctor, recommend a therapist, speak to a guidance counselor. Follow up.
Should one of these young men mention suicide, no matter how casually, pay attention. Take action.
Most of all, teach them, preferably by example, that it's okay to release their emotional burden. It's okay to cry when you're sad, when you're hurt.
There are some very simple and inexpensive ways to process and release toxic emotions, such as journaling, for example. Greg Louganis, known as the greatest Olympic diver of all time, used journaling as a way to get through the difficult time he experienced after hitting his head on a diving board during the games. He was gay, and HIV-positive; he agonized over whether the light bleeding was dangerous for his fellow competitors (it was not). Journaling helped him learn how to talk openly about his depression, dyslexia, and his HIV status. Now he is a coach and mentor to other young divers.
Our young men are far too precious to be dying. Who knows who they could be, how many they could help, if they themselves are helped through their dark times.
