Mindful Sex

Tips and Techniques from the front lines of couples therapy
Dan F. Pollets, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist. He is on the faculty of the Relational Life Institute, a psychiatry staff member at Winchester Hospital and an Associate Clinical Professor of Rehabilitation Medicine at Boston University Medical School. See full bio

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Six Tips For Great Sex

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Psychologist Warns of Dangers of Erotic Hypnosis With Phone Sex!

People have long seemed to attempt new ways to explore and heighten their healthy sexual pleasures with their love partner. Generally, these natural curiosities had been limited to playful experimentation like varied positions, Tantric Sex (sexual yoga), and stimulating talk. Others have included increasingly risky sexual behaviors, such as unprotected sex with multiple partners, marital affairs, auto asphyxiation and illicit drug use.

Although hypnosis can often play a vital role in the treatment of a variety of therapeutic issues, ranging from impotence and premature ejaculation to marital discord and decreased libido, its recent misuse is creating new "safe sex" dangers. Although "Erotic Hypnosis" can be used as an adventurous exploration of one's human sexuality and pleasure, the use of hypnosis should be limited to those properly trained in its application. The proliferation of self-hypnosis programs, however, makes it impossible to fully regulate its private use.

The popularity of books and videos such as "The Sensuous Woman", "My Secret Garden", "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know", and "Better Sex" proves that there is a growing market for information that celebrate healthy sex. Peter Masters' 2001 book, "Look Into My Eyes", is one of the first to celebrate the use of hypnosis to bring out the best in one's sex life!

Hypnosis is an often-misunderstood phenomenon that is basically an exercise in deep meditation. Once in a deeply relaxed state, one's mind develops a natural, heightened focus. It is this fixed concentration that affords one the unique ability to intensify pleasure, via the guided imagery of Erotic Hypnosis, like manipulating a dream, but more absorbing.

As with any sexual experience, trust between partners is vital. By the time one's relationship may develop into something more physically intimate, there is usually an assumption that enough time has evolved to develop positive trust between partners. Earlier within the relationship, however, one may find a sense of false security in phone sex. Although it can be a safer form of increasing intimacy, it is important to understand that if Erotic Hypnosis is practiced prematurely (especially over the phone), an unscrupulous partner could potentially take advantage of the other partner, without the victim even necessarily fully realizing it.

The potential danger arises from the fact that within this form of hypnosis, one leaves one's subconscious mind open to suggestions that one desires. Although it is generally true that people do not typically accept, or act upon, suggestions that are inconsistent with their desires, a cleaver hypnotist could offer pleasurable suggestions that may seem reasonable, yet are really more self-serving. The result could be comparable to someone who may have had one too many drinks, who later wondered why they behaved so foolishly the night before. With Erotic Hypnosis, for example, a post-hypnotic suggestion could conceivably be covertly offered that might compel the victim to take the relationship to "the next level," before they might have otherwise been ready for the advance.

Similar to any intimate encounter, it is invaluable that couples, who desire to experiment with this type of hypnosis, share a deep trust, honesty and mutual respect. Although it is not advisable to use any hypnosis outside of clinically indicated settings, respectful partners who care about each other will likely find this form to be a mutually surprising and stimulating encounter.

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