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Do You Want A Piece of Me? Psychology Blog Comment Boards
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me
Posted December 26, 2011
What do Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, *NSYNC, Faith Hill, Jessie James, and Jennifer Lopez all have in common? Aside from pop notoriety, they've all released their version of a song about the perils of celebrity, and the admission that at the end of the day, they are ordinary individuals. JLo wants us to know that she's still just Jenny from the block, and Faith is a Mississippi girl who won't change her ways just because everyone knows her name. *NSYNC asks if they weren't celebrities, would you still be nice to them? Lindsay is sick of rumors starting, and Britney being called everything from shameless to too thin, asks bluntly, "do you want a piece of me?" Many often feel little sympathy for celebrities. By being in the public eye, some may ask, "what do you expect?" This is used to justify disparaging comments, attacks, and just plain rudeness toward them. Yet the question is, who deserves such unkindness, regardless of celebrity status?
I was intrigued a while back when I read fellow blogger Donna Flagg's article on the psychology of comment boards found here. As bloggers, we are ostensibly galaxies away from celebritydom, and yet given our work is in the public domain, we often face similar comment maelstroms. Further, while I cannot speak for bloggers on the whole, I'd say it is a safe bet to say few of us are professional bloggers. Most of us probably have a day job, and we love psychology. So much in fact, that we wish to share it with the public. If there is a teaching moment in something we write, we are the better for it. Those of us who practice therapy are often "super feelers" and our empathy button is illuminated with the softest touch, which makes the sting of comments sometimes worse.
Having found that writing lighter articles is applauded by the masses and that making an unpopular but accurate statement brings out the ritualistic stoning proponents among us, I often find myself in a standstill. Do I write to please, or do I write to tell the truth? And how in the world do I address the comments from left field, right field, and outer space? Having pestered many a colleague in the halls of my department at Berkeley, many thoughts about the nature of comment boards have been discussed. Here, I address what I deduce to be some of the challenges with comment boards.
Personalization: You Talkin' to Me?!
Why do we comment? We may read hundreds of articles in a given year, but what determines whether or not we will give any time, energy, and effort to providing a comment? Usually, the pleased will offer a "tweet" or a Facebook "Like." It is the displeased and angry which are often quickest to make their extreme displeasure known. Clearly, a chord has been struck. Psychodynamic theorists may argue that some major transference and projection issues are being brought to the forefront. For example, as one famous study showed, heterosexual men who endorsed the most homophobic views were the most likely to be physiologically aroused by male homosexual stimuli (fellow blogger Nathan Heflick discusses it further here). As such, if you did not believe yourself to be racist, sexist, and so forth on a deeper level, then why would you so adamantly claim that you are not racist, sexist, etc.? Essentially, you are throwing yourself under the bus on this one! The mirror is being held up for you to see yourself clearly, and you may not like the reflection that is looking back at you.
Perceptions of Authority: Who Do You Think YOU Are?
What is one of the first things I do after reading an article? I look up the author. I examine their picture, read their biography, and form what is basically my judgment of them. Of course this is not fair. But as humans, we are quick to make snap judgments. Evoluntionarily, heuristics and stereotypes were helpful in ensuring our survival. But now that we are off of the ancestral plain, such stereotyping often aids in short-circuiting our ability to see beyond the surface level. Imagine if every job you ever applied for required a mug shot and an application, with no opportunity for a phone conversation or personal interview. Do you really feel your merits, personality, and likeability would truly shine when based exclusively off of paper documents? As bloggers, are we only as good as our pictures and educational background? I would hope not!
But I do wonder what types of comments would come forth if I were named George Wellington and looked to be in my late 50s with blue eyes and blonde hair, with just the right amount of slight gray streaks in it. Would I still be judged for being a PhD "candidate" and asked to prove my point further, because of my youth? Would I be called a "feminist" because I am female? Would my "cultural upbringing" still be up for debate? Would I be an "arrogant" woman, or a self-assured and confident man, standing up for what he believes in? Would my racial ambiguity matter, since according to some commentors I am White, while others believe me to possibly fit in the "exotic" category? We will never know, but it is food for thought nonetheless. We do not ask for the bodies and looks with which we are born. So should we judge each other for the parts of ourselves that were never in our control in the first place?
Anonymity: Between Arguments and Bullies, Where Did the Dialogue Go?
The film V for Vendetta creeped me out. So much so that I don't even exactly remember the storyline. It was the masks. Not just one, but thousands of them. It was difficult to make out who was who, whether they were villains or rebels. What I do recall was the power they garnered from their sense of anonymity. As such, posting on blog comment boards is typically an anonymous act. There are no real ground rules, and comments can take shape any number of ways. There are certainly the appreciative, and they should not be ruled out by any means. But there are also the angry, those who want a forum for their personal agendas, and those who seem to have read part of the article and hone in one an individual sentence that scratches at them like a bad rash.
There is an opportunity for open dialogue, which I would believe is what most writers are happy to engage in. Respectful inquiry is almost a guaranteed way of a reply. Yet, couching an argument in name-calling and personal attacks and then demanding a reply back is hardly playing by the assumed rules of the game. That's what we call taunting, and is reminiscent of child's play. The reality is that just as often as we misread and misinterpret, we bloggers also miswrite or have a miscommunication. We are all flawed, and we all have opinions, some of which we may not agree with. If variety is the spice of life, and a lack of cookie cutter society is what breeds interest, excitement, ingenuity and innovation, then let us respect all of it. Operative word being respect.
If Roller Coasters Make you Ill, Then....
We often click on an article knowing we're not going to like it. But something about the title just draws us in. "Those ______," we think to ourselves, always trying to promote "_________" when we know full well that is so "___________". No, the blanks do not denote spaces for profanity, but do indicate some level of displeasure due to our own personal belief system which differs from those of many others. But when displeased or coming to find a particular author that just rubs us the wrong way, the solution is pretty clear. Stop reading! That includes my articles, no offense taken. I can definitely appreciate someone with a low Legally Blonde and Kardashian reference tolerance level. I really do get it. In effect, it is not unlike torturing ourselves. What would make us want to handle ourselves so carelessly? Why not instead nurture, take a warm bath, read a good book, or one of my personal favorites, have a nice cup of tea? It's sort of like watching political debates. When you're irritated, keeping the television on while your blood pressure raises isn't doing yourself any favors. Practice kindness toward yourself.
As we approach the new year, let us all practice kindness and respect. Let us forgive others and ourselves, and embrace a new form of diversity with which we may struggle. Remember that we are all human, and we are all flawed. But at the end of the day, we are fortunate to have been blessed with the ability for self-reflection and improvement. Happy new year to all!
