The Two Parts of Responsibility

Responsibility can be broken down into two parts. The first part is genetics, DNA; we don't choose these things, rather they're given to us at birth. How greatly genetic influence is involved in who we are is debatable. Most scientists agree it's somewhere between 25% and 50%, with some factors as low as 10% or some as high as 100% for such things as whether we are male or female (unless we do something drastic to change ourselves). However, whether we like chocolate or love Shakespearean plays is influenced more by our conditioning. Conditioning is the second half of responsibility. 

Let's explore conditioning. We don't choose our parents and we don't choose the environment in which we are raised. As we get older, we start making what seem to be our own choices, but these choices are immensely or even perhaps totally conditioned by our genetics and our earlier years.  There's still debate out there, of course, but brilliant scientists and philosophers around the world mostly agree that we are products of our environment. Let's suspend talk of the mentally ill and the psychopaths, studying instead regular people like you and I who DO care when we mess up and hurt people. Why do we do things that we don't want to do? Who is at fault? It is mainly our conditioning's fault, along with a small contribution from our genetics. Our conditioning truly shapes us.

We Are the Product of Our Conditioning

When we do something wrong, in every instance, there is always a reason to be found, if we take the time to look for it. This process may seem cumbersome, but you can begin by asking, "What in my conditioning caused me to do this?"  For instance, if I cheated on my wife, did I come from a culture where it was acceptable to do so? If that's true, it may be harder for you to be faithful to your spouse. The conditioning we experience early in life shapes us in profound ways. 

In the same way, when we succeed in life, it's because of our conditioning. If our parents put a lot of pressure on us to succeed, then most likely, we did. So here's the good news: when we fail in life, it's really not our fault. It's the conditioning's fault. Conversely, when we succeed, it's also due to the conditioning. We don't have to worry about what people think about us. What we have to do is simply change the conditioning. If we grew up in an environment where men cheated, then we're going to have to realize that infidelity isn't an acceptable act. We have to start socializing with others who don't believe in cheating and who consider fidelity very important and healthy in having a relationship. 

We Can Achieve Happiness by Changing Our Conditioning

Changing our lives is really pretty basic: it's simply a matter of changing the conditioning. It takes work, but it is entirely possible. If we truly understand that it's the conditioning's fault for the way we are, then we won't be so hard on ourselves and others.  When we beat ourselves up, we continue to do the same things that we hate doing. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I say "I'm fat," then guess what? I'm going to be fat. If instead I say, "My conditioning caused this. I need to change my conditioning," then I'm going to eat better and get healthier. Let us remember that we can change our conditioning and change ourselves for the better.