Media Spotlight

A psychological twist on the news.

Psychology, Law, and Same-Sex Parenting

There seem to be few debates more hotly argued these days than whether same-sex couples should be allowed to raise children. Whether involving foster care or formal adoption, those for and against lesbians, gays, and transsexuals raising children often raise religious or legal arguments highlighting many of the misconceptions that still surround same-sex parenting. Read More


I am not religious I am however adopted. It is bad enough to be taken from your birth family and be given to strangers who adopt you because they are grieving the child that died or miscarried, you can never replace this child and your personality often doesn't match your adoptive family's. No matter how dysfuctional your adoptive family were you're expected to be grateful and loyal. At least as an adopted child last century you got a male and female role model. But that was the bad old days now in the twenty first century we give children or sell our eggs and sperm to be raised by strangers who don't want to be bothered copulating with the opposite sex to have babies of their own. This is meant to be healthy and normal and the children who will be adopted will be expected to be loyal and grateful.
I am just gobsmacked by this wonderful progress.

Rachael: I have no idea on


I have no idea on your background or how you have been raised, but i will give you some information on mine. I hope you can help me understand where you are coming from as you can now understand where i came from.

My brother is adopted, and he was not "taken from his birth family and given to some strangers". He was born by a crack addicted prostitute in Russia, where they kick you out of an orphanage at sixteen years of age in one of the harshest environments in the world. He was one of the last adoptions into the USA before Russia closed their borders to adoption here. The way you speak about adoption is so condemning. You have no idea the years it took to adopt him, and he is the light of my family's life. Adoptions aren't just a spark of the moment "hey lets go take someone's child" kind-of thing. Open your eyes child.

And on the subject of donating eggs and sperm. One day you may try to conceive a child. You may be in a heterosexual, holy, and loyal relationship, but might not be able to conceive. You might need an egg donation because your eggs are not very good, or even a sperm donation because your husband's sperm are not viable. Should you then in-staid, go out and have sex with strangers to conceive, as long it it heterosexual sex? I feel that same sex couple who go through the long and rigorous process of adoption or sperm/egg donation to conceive a precious child will most likely raise that child with much more love and compassion then most "oops" children born from a one night stand, or a short fling. This is not a fact all of the time obviously.

But then again, this might be over your head.Being raised in an area surround with racist and homophobic origins, i was able to overcome the harsh hateful way in which i was raised. I can look past what i have been fed to believe and embrace my own views and understanding. I only hope that you can overcome your ignorant bigotry one day and be your own person.

The mental health of one male raised by a lesbian

This article was partly about the psychologically effect of being brought up by gay parents. Let me give my perspective of being bought up by a quasi-seperatist lesbian mum.

My parents are male and female, but they divorced when I was 11, and me and my older sister went to live in a new house with my mum. My mum had recently decided that she was a lesbian (hence the split with my dad) and she had always been a feminist.

The house I was now to grow up in was very much a feminist/lesbian stronghold. As well as my mum's lovers, we had a lesbian lodger. Although my mum loves me very much, the atmosphere in our house was borderline seperatist, and I often felt uncomfortable in my own house.

I wanted to ask my mum why she had no male friends anymore. While my sister was getting constant messages of female strength and empowerment, all I heard about maleness was what was wrong with it. Apart from my dad who i saw once a week, i had no male role models in my life.

As I grew up, I was awkward around girls and always anxious not to be seen as sexist, and doubting my own intentions and the sexual 'threat' that was supposedly inherent in me.

I have suffered serious anxiety all my life and I can trace it back partly to my parent's divorce, but also to the fundamental doubt and guilt that was placed in my psyche about my masculinity.

I would be interested to hear any responses to this.

I can see how that would be

I can see how that would be difficult, and I am truly sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you are able to find healing and some sense of normalcy in your life. My personal belief is that boys and girls need both a mother and a father to develop to their full potential. One without the other (or 2 of the same) is just unbalanced, as Tom has expressed. The fact is, homosexual partnerships as parents are such a newly accepted idea in our society, that no really good research has been done on the effects of it on children long-term. Most ( I believe all, actually) of the studies that have been done have been biased (both for and against same sex parents) and not scientifically sound. It is a shame. Hopefully more studies will be done in the future without political or personal agendas as the driving force behind them. In the mean time, it looks like same sex marriage is now law, for better or for worse.

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Romeo Vitelli, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in Toronto, Canada.


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