Its 10:25 and according to MTV's hit reality show the Jersey Shore, the guys in the house are making sure they look "fresh" for an evening of triple kissing and trying to get girls to come home with them. If you have never seen the show, it is highly entertaining, because producers set up this world where "characters" get drunk and try to "hook-up" with as many people as possible. It's all fun and games until you realize that MTV's highest age demographic for primetime television shows like Jersey Shore, Real World, The Challenge and other reality programming consisting of sex, alcohol and aggression are 12-24 year olds.
The danger with reality television programming is that it promotes something that is an accurate depiction of life. Research shows that the more people perceive television to be real, the more they take and apply what they have seen. Adolescents are particularly vulnerable because of their developmental level. They are still searching for who they are and who they want to be. Many still have not fully developed problem-solving or moral reasoning skills, the very skills which allow adults to watch these programs and say, "that's ridiculous! That's not what happens in real life!" Therefore, when boys are watching these highly sexualized "reality" programs they are more likely to believe that what they are seeing is an actual depiction of life and then apply it.
Adolescent sex education comes mostly from media sources like television, movies, magazines and video games. It would be great if by sex education I meant safe sex or how to respect relationships, but alas that is not what goes on in the current world we live in. The sex educators your adolescent boys are looking to are on television shows, especially reality television programs, which promote the idea that dating is a game and that they are supposed to be sex-driven without seemingly any consequences. Moreover, these shows depict many girls as liking the player behavior. Is this the modern gentleman?
Research suggests that boys and their parents rarely have meaningful conversations about sex. Think about the last time you tried to bring it up or maybe you haven't. Either way your sons are learning it from somewhere and most likely it is from Mike ‘the situation' Sorrentino or Pauly D from the Jersey Shore or from one of the "gentleman" on The Real World.
So the question is "What can I do"?
If you're a parent: Find out what shows your kids are watching and watch them with your teen. Find out what it is that they are learning about from the show and how realistic they think it is. It's a good time to share your experiences but try not to lecture; this shouldn't be a painful experience.
If you're a teen: Seriously consider that what you are watching is not reality. A lot of money goes into making these shows entertaining. The people that are picked to be on reality television shows are picked for a reason, most likely because they are going to cause some sort of drama and engage in activities that the people watching will find entertaining.
Reality television is made to be entertaining and was not developed to be a sex education tool; however, by default that is just what is has become. Have no fear though, the things that boys are learning from television CAN be mediated by someone who has good information and is willing to listen. That can be you.
