If you fake it at the beginning, you increase the odds that it will be harder for you to have an authentic orgasm moving forward. Read More
"... Honesty allows the man to get to know over time what it takes for his partner to achieve orgasm..."
Yes, because that old lay there without giving any hints and if you're asked saying "you're the man, you should just KNOW!" is a super-enjoyable learning curve and so very exciting for your partner.
Total honesty from the beginning is the best approach. A small but significant percentage of women have never had an orgasm, even by age 40, and some of them are still with their first husbands. So I have no sympathy for the approach of coddling men about female orgasms, as if men are so fragile their egos will disintegrate if they can't make a woman orgasm.
On the other hand, I've heard far too many times from men stories like, "Every woman I've been with has had an orgasm with intercourse", which is painfully obviously BS. Unfortunately, there are plenty of men who are THAT CLUELESS.
Yes, if only some of these guys knew some statistics and could do some math. I've heard that about 30% of women can have orgasms with intercourse. So let's say some guy said he's been with six women and they all had orgasms with intercourse. So purely on a random basis, the likelihood of that would be 30% raised to the 6th power, or (.3)^6 = .000729 = .0729%! In other words, the chances that he's telling the truth is just one in 1,372. In other words, you can safely call him a BS'er, unless he's the strong, beer-drinking, insecure kind who'll beat you up for pointing out the painful truth.
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Suzanne Lachmann, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist in NYC specializing in psychotherapy.
It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.