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8 Reasons You’re Still Single When You Don't Want to Be

Working to find self-compassion and patience for the reasons that keep you single can help you find peace with your relationship status, or make a change. Read More

The reason

I am still single is that I haven't met anyone I am interested in.

But are you happy? Single but

But are you happy? Single but happy?


I think you may have left off, being too comfortable being single. I am an only child and learned early on that being by yourself was not a bad thing. Add to that timing being off..or not meeting the right person to share my life with and as a result I remain single.
I have a full and enjoyable life. If the right person comes along I will be happy to welcome them in and make room for them. But until then being single is not a bad thing.

I feel like I did cover that,

I feel like I did cover that, but maybe the wording is different. Being with yourself isn't a bad thing. It's hard to figure out what feelings belong to you and what feelings belong to family and society.

It *could* be because every

It *could* be because every guy that asked me out was already married.

That might have something to do with it.

Great Article!

This was a really great article! One of the best articles I've seen written about why people stay single. Usually, the reasons fall into one of those 8 categories listed in the article. And I agree with the comment above that some people are too comfortable being single, even when they're really lonely and would like to find someone. There has to be some motivation to get out there and date. Easier said than done but the motivation has to be there.

By the way, let's not judge people either because I would say most, if not all of us have fallen into one of these categories at some point in our lives and hopefully, have progressed beyond them.

More than motivation

They also have to believe it will work. A rational person makes decisions by weighing the potential costs against the potential benefits. If a person does not believe that benefits are realistically probable, there's no real reason to put forth any kind of effort, is there?

Very true.

Very true.


Thank you so much! You ARE intuitive!

I suspect people who are comfortable with being single aren't lonely

and are probably best off being single, as was discussed in the previous post on 5 reasons people are single.

I'm willing to admit that there are people who are lonely and don't want to be single, but have adjusted to the lifestyle so well that they find it hard to change.

But I also want it noted that there are people like me, who like being single and are happy to be this way.

Perfectly Stated,

Alan, thank you for your comment.

I would also add you may be

I would also add you may be too immature for a real relationship.

Right next to death

For me, being alone is right next to death; that is why it took me 31 years to leave the abuser.

.....and how is life for you

.....and how is life for you now?

Regardless of how long it

Regardless of how long it took, you did it. That's so hard and so amazing.

I can identify with many of the 8 Reasons

My childhood sucked and I was sent to Catholic School when boys and girls were separated and to have any interest in girls was sinful. I didn't have any sisters. So I was essentially clueless and didn't even know how to talk to girls. I have subsequently given up on god and am now an atheist. The sucky childhood led me to be excessively needy. So the girls who started out interested in me pulled away to keep from drowning. I crashed and burned after every breakup. They didn't have counseling back then, so I just went into huge depressions. My marriage ended 20 years ago and I was very traumatized. I have been in recovery for the last 10 or 12 years. I just never want to be that hurt again even as I realize that I need to take a chance. I am 65 years old and live in a small town. I really don't know what my goals should be. Be satisfied being alone and lonely or ... Or what?

I'm sorry that sounds really

I'm sorry that sounds really hard. I would suggest finding someone to talk to to start the process of feeling less alone in general.

Single Girls

Well...'some' of what this article says is true. However, depending on where you live, the morals of some of these guys is PARTIALLY the reason why I'm still single. I refuse to 'do' what some of the guys I've dated wanted me to do. Here is 'some' of my recent experience in dating: I'm not severely depressed or anything like that, but I'm definitely Frustrated with the whole dating process. Thanks for reading :)

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Suzanne Lachmann, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist in NYC specializing in psychotherapy.


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