- Home
- Find a Therapist
- Topic Streams
- Get Help
Mental Health
Addiction
ADHD
Anxiety
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Depression
Eating Disorders
Insomnia
OCDPersonality
Passive Aggression
Personality
ShynessPersonal Growth
Happiness
Goal Setting
Positive PsychologyRelationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
SexEmotion Management
Anger
Procrastination
StressFamily Life
Adolescents
Child Development
Elder Care
Parenting
SiblingsRecently Diagnosed?
Diagnosis Dictionary
- Magazine
- Tests
- Psych Basics
- Experts
People in romantic relationships often find themselves thinking that they are soulmates, that something "brought them together," and that their love was "meant to be." But romance and love are amazing enough without having to invoke "destiny or "fate" to make them feel magical. Read More
I love this post!
Thanks! xoxoxoxo
;)
I once pursued a relationship
I once pursued a relationship based on the idea that it was somehow sanctioned by fate or God or the Universe. When it didn't work out, I felt betrayed.... Not only by my partner, myself, my lack of judgement, but by fate itself. I had been lied to, by Destiny!
Give me a break, I was only 20, haha.
To be clear, I am optimistic, romantic, and I actually do believe in destiny. I think we rely on fate to pick our partners because we don't so much trust ourselves.... But maybe fate has better things to do than to decide who's going to mate today?
me again...
Funny, I had this subject on the brain as I was driving, and passed a church marquis that read: "Patience Means Trusting God's Timing." A few blocks down the road, I passed another. The message on this one was "God is Bigger than Your Problems."
I'm not a religious person, but I don't mean to disparage those that are... It seems to me, however, that this is a mindset that can potentially cause problems in the way one lives their life. To believe in an all-powerful being, who created all that we see, who is Bigger than Our Problems, and to then expect that being to take control over every detail of our lives, sets us up to believe we can take no responsibility for our failures and no credit for our successes. It takes away any sense of power that any of us has in our own life, & that's a scary way to feel. As mere mortals, how can we be expected to trust our own pursuits, be they romantic or otherwise?
I am not religious in the
I am not religious in the traditional sense - but I had been fortunate enough to be raised in part by an eccentric, wise soul who had shown that our individual "essence" (or will or consciousness) is part of the same continuum of what some refer to as God, the unvirsal consciousnes etc. Many dogmas have an understanding that we are made in the image of our creator - which makes us the creators in our own worlds. This is what gives us power - to follow and shape our fates - to conjure our relationship with others. These interactions and experiences help us grow, and we perhaps click with those who enable this growth or who make us see the best versions of ourselves. This may be the thing we call love.
Older and wiser
I am a realist and agree with what you are saying....Although we thirst for that element such as language or a connection that moves us closer. Coincidence, destiny or not, These things allow ourselves to feel safe to take that first drink.
Anecdote
I'm a grownup in my 50s. Plenty of relationships over the years. But the best one -- the last one, the one that's going to last the rest of my life -- happened because my partner and I each happened to be in the exact same extremely unlikely place for the exact same extremely unlikely five minutes.
Five minutes for either of us on either side of the fated/destiny/lucky window? No coupling.
Hand of the Almighty, or pure chance? Dunno. But whatever it was, thank goodness for it.
That's fantastic...
...and many of us have stories like that (I know I do!). The problem arises only if we attach too much significance to those chance meetings, staying in relationships because they're "meant to be" even if they stop being fulfilling.
Great post
It is certainly a pernicious myth to think there is a "right one" for everyone. That's pure crap. A crap we love.
It is like Cinderella. She was the right one for the prince. How could he know? Easy, as her foot fits the cristal shoe.
I hate when someone tells me "oh don't worry, she is/was not the one for you" As if there were a "one" for me. True is we made big mistakes and that's why a relationship ends.
If we consider destiny or the universe to play a significant role on our romantic love, then we can not be responsible.
I consider a certain woman to be right for me (and me right for her) when I realize we share values and interests, not as a result of some esoteric happenings.
A woman may be right for me when we share values and it is certainly hard to find a person who share your values.
That we mess up everything later doesn't mean she was not right for me. It painfully means we messed it up!
It is very different to say "she is right for me" than to say "she is the right one for me".
Hindsight makes a better story
A 22-year-old friend of my husband's and mine recently explained that she had never been in love and that she thought she would "just know" when it did finally "happen." She then asked if this was true for us. And you know what? Nope. We "knew" nothing. We felt lots of things. They were different than things we had felt for other people, but it took us a bit of time to figure that out. (You can't compare something brand new to an entire past relationship.) We can look back and point to all sorts of "signs" but I certainly didn't spot them in the moment.
My husband told our friend the truth: what we have now is amazing, and we are so blessed. But it didn't happen overnight. Failed relationships helped us know what was working and what to do to make a relationship work.
kind of depressing..i've
kind of depressing..i've always believed in leaving some things up to fate..never wanted to try too hard..
The movie Serendipity helped me make a decision, actually
It may seemed odd, but I was spurred to make a romantic decision because of the movie Serendipity. My girlfriend and I were seriously discussing marriage but, on a plane back from Europe, we both saw Serendipity, side by side. She commented that it was like us (we had met serendipitously) but I thought to myself then that, no, it was not like us, for I did not feel a magical relationship, certainly not like that in the movie. That moment, watching Kate Beckinsale walking across the ice in Serendipity, ended my own relationship. I broke up with her quickly.
A year or two later, I met someone not once but three times on the sidewalk near my apartment, the final time as she was moving her last belongings from the building. We had lived on the same floor for four years and never seen each other before. I've been married to her for seven years now, and still catch my breath or shake my head in wonder when I see her. Serendipity lives.
Post new comment