When in a difficult relationship it’s all too easy to “lose yourself.” As couples struggle to find what will “fix” things, they stop remembering to nurture themselves and make sure that they remain healthy as individuals.
You know this has happened when one day you realize that you don’t like yourself, don’t like your partner, don’t like your life and are just plain unhappy.
To those couples I say this - find yourself again and be someone whom you like – find who it is you were when you liked yourself the best, and start being that person again. Act in a way that reinforces your own cherished characteristics and you will, once again, be that person. When you do this, it is likely that you will also strengthen the boundaries between you and your spouse – moving away from any negative co-dependent behaviors you might have had.
This advice has helped many couples begin to navigate difficult relationships and often comes with a wonderful surprise. One note I just received puts it this way. “Daily, I am implementing your advice to ‘be someone whom you like.’ It has been a life-changer. Now, in the absence of my passive-aggressive, shamey outbursts, I have become someone I like…and (my husband) has said he adores the new me, too.”