2. If you don't have ADHD, be humble. It's human nature to look to your ADHD spouse as the reason why you are having difficulties, particularly when he or she doesn't seem to be holding up their end of the marital bargain. However, it is 100% guaranteed that your behavior is contributing to the downward spiral of your relationship, as well. It always takes two, and your responses to what's going on are just as important as any ADHD symptoms your spouse may have. Acknowledge your complicity, and figure out what you are doing that irritates your partner. Ask your partner to do the same (but in a nice way, of course!)

3. If you do have ADHD, be humble! You may resent the things your spouse is saying about how your behavior is affecting your relationship...but your spouse is right - it is. Denial and resentment don't get you anywhere - the only way to create a happy marriage out of a disintegrating one is to figure out what your role is and then work with your spouse to make it better (see #5 below!)

4. Never, ever, assign blame. Blaming one person for difficulties is never productive. Rather, it builds resentment and defensiveness on both sides - destructive emotions that are hard to overcome. So what if your spouse left the door open and the cat got out again? The immediate issue is that the cat is outside and needs to come back in. Neither anger nor blame will bring "Fifi" home. At another time, if leaving the door open is a frequent problem, develop a plan (together) to help keep it from happening - perhaps hanging up a sign, or perhaps locking the door so that it has to be opened with a key to remind you both that the door needs to be closed when you go in and out.

5. Thoroughly educate yourselves about ADHD. The more you both know about ADHD and its symptoms, the easier it will be for you to understand what is going on and where the naturally occurring, ADHD-induced disconnects are going to be in your relationship. A solid ADHD education will help you both be empathetic towards each others' foibles and concerns, as well as help you understand tactics and strategies that are effective in managing ADHD.

6. Always "think positive". When you're mad, this can be hard to do. But ADHD symptoms are very frequently misinterpreted in negative ways and this misinterpretation causes great damage. Thinking positively and trying first to determine whether or not the behavior is a symptom, rather than the person's ill will, will create an atmosphere that will improve communication between you.

7. Keep yourselves, and your conversations, "in the present" - People with ADHD have two time zones - "now", and "not now". Spending a lot of time hashing over past events isn't as productive as accepting you did the best you could, setting up specific strategies for doing better, and forgiving yourselves.  If you are building a better future, rather than rehashing a bad past, you'll be much more likely to genuinely love each other again.   On the way (while doing the hard work of setting up new ways to do things), do some fun stuff, too!  Wake up in the morning and spend 10 minutes holding each other and telling each other why you fell in love. Give yourself the leeway to be silly when the mood strikes you. Hold hands. Pretty soon, your string of happy "in the present" days will start to create a foundation for a new beginning.