A Matter of Personality

From borderline to narcissism

by David M. Allen, M.D.

Debating Tricks in Intimate Conversations

When people try to talk about problematic family dynamics with one another and become defensive, they often choose to confuse the picture and invalidate the other participants in the conversation by using fallacious arguments. One of the most common fallacies used is the allegation that one event caused another merely because it occurred right afterwards. Read More

Your Spouse's Secret Mission

A newlywed hates to visit his or her parents because of family discord. A recently divorced and remarried man avoids his children because he can't deal with his ex. Neither has the guts to tell the truth about his or her feelings. Spouses of such folks may come to the rescue by acting as if they are villains who keep them away from their family. Read More

You Can't Change the Past - Why Talk About it?

This post is the 4th in a series of posts describing strategies for overcoming family avoidance strategies in order to persist in fruitful efforts to stop repetitive dysfunctional interactions. Part IV shows how family members use hopelessness and logical fallacies as reasons to stop talking to each other about solving family problems.. Read More

Mad, Bad, Blind, or Stupid?

Members of dysfunctional families are often mystified by the self-destructive or hostile behavior that they exhibit to one another, and try to make sense out of it. Usually, such explanations are that the other person is just crazy, incredibly stupid, inherently evil, or just oblivious to their effects on others. But are any of these answers correct? Read More

Family Communication Part III: The Blame Game

This post is the third in a long series of posts describing strategies for overcoming family avoidance strategies in order to persist in fruitful efforts to stop repetitive dysfunctional interactions. Part III shows how family members use the issue of who's to blame for a problem to initimate potential problem solvers,and what they can do to counter this maneuver. Read More

How Children Read Mixed Messages From Parents

Parents who are confused over their own roles in life often give out mixed messages to their children about what is expected from them. If children try to point out the contradictions, they are often faced with very negative reactions, so they have to figure this out for themselves I find that they use three rules to heirarchically rank the elements of a double message. Read More

Why Psychotherapy Efficacy Studies Are Nearly Impossible

Unlike drug studies, studies of the outcomes of various psychotherapy techniques face a unique problem: human beings can choose how they will respond to any technique a therapist uses to try to change their behavior. There are also a nearly infinite number of variables which cannot be controlled. The many unique issues facing therapy researchers are described Read More

Leave Me Alone – I’m Lonely

Many parents seem to go out of their way to annoy, irritate, and/or verbally abuse their adult children on a regular basis. This post describes some of the reasons for this bizarre behavior. Read More

Win-Win Strategies in Family Communication: Part 2

When discussing and changing repetitive dysfunctional family communication and behavior patterns, the use of illustrative examples can be a minefield. Here's how to maneuver around them. Read More

Why Don't Child Sex Abuse Victims Tell?

Only 30 percent of incest victims reveal their situations, and in almost half of these cases, the revelation is accidental. Read More

How to Talk to Relatives about Family Dysfunction

How to recognize and counter the traps that derail constructive problem solving with recalcitrant relatives. Read More

Disease Mongering in a Top Psychiatry Journal

Counting symptoms that don't count for fun and profit. Read More

Why Do Some Siblings From Troubled Families Turn Out Fine, While Others Flounder?

Siblings Are Affected Differently in Dysfunctional Families Read More

Stop Running Away From Your Family Problems!

It's time to learn how to stop dysfunctional family interactions. Read More

Why Is It So Hard for Families to Change Repetitive Dysfunctional Patterns?

Why is it so damn difficult for family members to stop engaging in repetitive behavior that is clearly driving them all nuts? Read More

Borderline Personality Disorder: Meet the Parents, Part II

How parents become conflicted about their own children. Read More

Borderline Personality Disorder: Meet the Parents, Part I

What Parental Behavior May Lead Children to Develop Borderline Traits? Read More

Finding a Good Psychotherapist

How to find the best psychotherapist for you. Read More

How to Recognize a Bad Psychiatrist

A horrible trend has been taking off for the last two decades in psychiatric offices across the country. As fees for psychiatrists were ratcheted down by managed care insurance companies—especially for doing psychotherapy—psychiatrists have tried to keep their incomes up by becoming primarily prescription writers, and seeing as many patients per hour as they possibly can. Read More

Does One Need to Forgive Abusive Parents to Heal?

One of the most frequent questions I get when I start working with patients with previously abusive parents or other primary caretakers is, "Do I have to forgive them?" Read More

Scientific Fraud in the Nature Versus Nurture Debate

Biological psychiatrists purposely use misleading statistics. Read More

Why Does the Predominant Treatment Paradigm for Borderline Personality Disorder Neglect Family Dynamics?

What is invalidation and what role does it play? Read More

You're Asking For It?

"You're just asking for it!" Just a figure of speech? Read More

Commitment Phobics

Some commitment phobic adults are playing a dysfunctional family role Read More

Bipolar or Borderline?

A rampant case of diagnonsense Read More

The Limits of Cognitive Psychotherapy

Are people really as stupid as they seem? Read More

The Family Dynamics of Severe Child Abuse

How can abused children grow up to be abusive parents? Read More

The Family Dynamics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and of Psychosomatic Illnesses

Grandiosity and Low Self Esteem Read More

Living Vicariously through Children with a Twist

Why do some people create havoc in their relationships? Read More

David M. Allen, M.D., is a Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Tennessee and author of the book How Dysfunctional Families Spur Mental Disorders.

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About A Matter of Personality

This blog covers mental health, drugs and psychotherapy with an emphasis on the role of family dysfunction in personality problems. It discusses how family systems issues have been denigrated in psychiatry in favor of a disease model for everything by a combination of greedy pharmaceutical and managed care insurance companies, naïve and corrupt experts, twisted science, and desperate parents who want to believe that their children have a brain disease to avoid an overwhelming sense of guilt.