Mate, Relate and Communicate

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Taking on an Ideal

“Uninterrupted sex”

It’s a part of practically every journalist’s interview on better sex: “But how do you do that without interrupting sex?” Whether the topic is safer sex, using lubricant, changing sexual positions, transitioning from foreplay to a “coreplay” activity…editors and writers push, push, push to have everything proceed seamlessly during sex. Even if they don’t agree that the ebb and flow of sex should be so flawless, their readership, supposedly, expects it. It’s a major part of “ideal” sex.

And who can blame them, whether reader or writer? Sexual images everywhere promote sex sessions as a graceful, masterly dance. Sexy commercials hint at erotically entangled bodies. Hollywood flicks feature lovers who get from the door to the bed—naked and on top of each other—in record time. Well-edited porn flicks and music videos both make the sex acts look picture perfect.

The take-away: If it happens any other way, then there must be something wrong with you. To interrupt means to disrupt, and that ruins sex. But does it really?

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Almost anybody who has been sexually active can tell you that the action hasn’t always been continuously well-orchestrated, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A break in the action affords us quite a few benefits when sexually active. “Interrupted” sex allows you to:

  • Get feedback. You can ask your partner if things feel good or what is desired.
  • Re-strategize what you’re doing. Piggybacking on the last point, taking a moment to better communicate about how things are going also allows you to change course or make adjustments in doing better job.
  • Catch your breath and really take in the moment.
  • Re-hydrate. Like any cardiovascular activity, it’s important to consume water, especially if you’re keeping your heart rate elevated for a while (this can also help to counter bad breath).
  • Get more comfortable, whether it’s because you want to change positions or are experiencing pain or discomfort.
  • Add more lube. No matter what your reason for using lubricant, making things wetter enhances the sensations and experience, making things better.
  • Take care of your sexual health and practice safer sex in putting on a condom or in using a dental dam.
  • Rethink what you’re doing or rather who you’re doing it with, as people do find themselves doing people they’d ultimately rather not be doing.
  • Go pee. Having an empty bladder can make all of the difference in the world when it comes to pleasure and sexual response. But there are times a trip to the loo doesn’t precede foreplay. Taking a break for the sake of your bladder is a no-brainer, and helps gals to avoid urinary tract infections.
  • Take your time. Why the rush? You’re experiencing one of life’s greatest pleasures, so make sure that you’re giving yourselves the time to relish it!

To “interrupt” tends to indicate the negative. It means that one is being impolite or a bother, ruining one’s focus. This can certainly be the case during sex if one is checking their mobile (as 62% of women and 48% of men in the UK have), or if your kids have just walked in. But, like a break in the weather, sex interrupted can, most of the time, be a welcomed, good thing.

Both as lovers and as a society, we need to start embracing the idea of sex interrupted. We need to stop seeing it something blunder-ridden and undesirable. We need to quit foiling our greater pleasuring efforts with that kind of mentality.

Instead, try viewing interrupted sex as something that can work to your advantage. In many instances, it’ll result in sex that’s even better than what you were having.

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a certified sexuality educator, sexologist, professor, columnist and author of nine books, including The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking. more...

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