Kristina is the young beleaguered mother of an autistic son and teenage daughter, in the new popular television drama/comedy called Parenthood. In a recent episode, Kristina called her husband after a sexual drought with the code words, "Kitty's on the grill!" She was hot to trot. Great line!

My clients and friends frequently complain that their partner would never call with a line like that. He/she doesn't initiate or initiates so subtly that sexual cues seem absent altogether. A prime reason for this confusion is that "touchers" are often married to "askers." Their partner's verbal suggestions leave them cold. A toucher might find jokes and innuendo crass or childlike. Such a man wants you to slip a hand onto his inner thigh at dinner and drag him upstairs afterwards. A touch-preferring woman wants to be carried up those same stairs a la Scarlett after you've nibbled and nipped and nuzzled and nudged.

Askers, however, feel nearly invaded when their touching spouse reaches for their breast or kisses their neck. Grab her ass, lose your hand. Instead, askers long for clever words or a diabolical come-on to make them want to hop in the sack. (Hint: "You wanna do it?" is probably too mind-numbing for askers!) Repartee keeps the day light and filled with anticipation. Why did my spouse stop flirting after we got married, they wonder; it used to be such a turn-on. Look this lover in the eyes and tell him he's smokin' hot! Smile at her and remind her you think she has the most beautiful legs in the room. Engage him or her with ever-increasingly intense words of love throughout the evening. Shower them with words about their desirability. Bow to their favorite love words most of the time. Advice? Gentlemen — use salt sparingly for impact and flavor. Women — it's okay to play in the mud sometimes.