Married and Still Doing It

Wanting the One You're With

by Laurie Watson, MA, LMFT, LPC

Sexuality of Hope or Despair in Marriage

We marry with a commitment that sex will continue to make our union alive and complete. With sacred vows we commit onto sexual fidelity—an alive sexual relationship solely with our chosen partner. Over and over again, we make love and grow in secure attachment. Read More

Honeymoon Homework

If you want the honeymoon to be just the beginning of a fulfilling sex life, spend an afternoon on the beach sharing intimate secrets of what, when, where, and how you like sex! Read More

Sexual Distancers Want to Satisfy Their Partners

Sexual distancers like sex. Truly, they do. They like sex to happen when they are ready for it, when they are expecting it, when they want it. Seduction is often the elixir that awakens their sexual desire. They'd like to be tempted, coaxed, reassured, charmed and sweet-talked toward this precipice that feels slightly dangerous and out of control. Feeling safe emotionally is a prerequisite. Read More

Extra Whipped Cream and Sexual Pursuers

I asked for extra whipped cream when I bought an ice cream sundae with my family last weekend. Piles of whipped cream and mounds of fluff came out positively billowing on top of the melting soft vanilla covered in hot fudge. I was surprised. I always ask for extra whipped cream and I've never had floating clouds of it on anything I've ever ordered. I was happy but told m Read More

Is Fighting About Sex Ruining your Marriage?

What if you felt as content as this blog picture looks? Read More

Witches, Wenches, and Sexual Women

Is it a coincidence? On Halloween—the same day we are acknowledging the dark and evil side of life—the predominant costume choices available on sale for women are titillating get-ups that makes a woman look slutty? Is it possible that our society still views the sexual woman as evil? Read More

Three Steps to Getting Sexy Back

So many patients I've helped say, "I'm not attracted to my partner anymore." Hate to say it, but this is normal. When we are in disillusionment, our partner seems more toad than princess or prince. Read More

The Myth of Automatic Sexual Fulfillment

We marry our sexy true companion. In the beginning of our storybook romance, sexual chemistry is strong and we make love every chance we get. Read More

Disaster Recovery in the Bedroom

You're revved up. You're going a hundred miles an hour. You're just at that perfect moment to slide into place. Bam! for no apparent reason—flat tire! Or a dry, desert road appears where a smooth pavement mirage fooled you into riding along. How can you keep the sexual moment when things go wrong? Read More

Give me sex; I’ll give you talk. Talk to me; I’ll give you sex.

Contingent problem-solving results in lonely, sexless marriages. Power struggles in marriage impact physical intimacy every day. When the answer to "do you want to make love?" is "no" — little compromise seems to be present. When your partner cranes their neck to see the screen when you are talking, the heart freezes and often the body with it. Read More

Overwhelmed by Life, Underwhelmed by Sex

An excerpt from Laurie's forth-coming book: Wanting Sex Again!

"I never want to have sex again!" blurted out Karen, a 33-year-old willowy blonde dressed in shiny pinstripes, within two minutes of walking into my office. I wasn't surprised, really. I hear this sentiment nearly every day from women calling to make an appointment. Read More

February 15th: Falling Out of Love

It was the high holy holiday for lovers yesterday. Today, there is disillusionment everywhere. Some of us had sex. Some of us didn't get any. Some of us got some but didn't really want it to begin with. Maybe the restaurant was too crowded or our indigestion stopped our planned for romantic interlude. Read More

6 Tips for Best Sex Honeymoons

Honeymoons are sex holidays, not a mad-scramble, world-class traveling extravaganza! They are meant to give young couples private time to worship each other bodies. Before the couple sets up house, goes back to graduate school, or starts impossibly demanding careers, they need at least a week to soak up the sun and pleasure of the flesh. Read More

Silent Night: When All's Quiet in the Master Bedroom

The holiday madness is over and peace prevails in my house this snowy evening. The hush following Christmas and New Year's means friends, cozy fires and finally—relaxation. Unfortunately, in some homes the silence is more profound, neither calm nor bright, but dull and deadening. Read More

Sex at my mother-in-law’s? Are you kidding?

Our first Christmas, my husband and I made love on his mother's upstairs bathroom floor while everyone waited lunch for us downstairs. If they heard us, they didn't let on. I didn't know any better then—not about the appropriateness of having sex on bathroom floors or keeping people waiting but about the inappropriateness of unbridled lust in the Watson family home. Read More

Flash Forward -- What a Temper Does to Sex

Flash Forward was an action-packed TV series about a cataclysmic event that knocked unconscious almost every human on the planet and for those that survived, allowed them a 2-minute glimpse into the future. Some characters saw nothing—indicating that in a few short months they were to be dead; other saw huge changes in their future. Read More

Santa’s Sock

While a man would rather miss his flight than have the jewels searched for terrorist contraband, nearly every man alive desperately wants to play airport security with his wife. Read More

Nap Time

I took a nap yesterday. No, that's not a euphemism for afternoon delight. I simply ignored the world and rested. I'm supposed to bring three homemade things to three different events today ...nothing got done. Read More

Everything’s okay – as long as I give him sex

"Why does my husband act nice only when he's had sex? Why doesn't he behave sweetly and helpfully so that I will want sex?"I often ask women who say this - how long did he act sweet after you had sex? For days! their wives answer. Did those days include you initiating more sex? No! their wives answer again. Read More

Sex—the ordinary holiday

It's fall, glorious fall! The days are cooling off in North Carolina and I delight in sprays of yellow leaves fluttering to the ground. My heart is always happy when we head into the start of school, the change of seasons and the holidays. It's such a hopeful time filled with expectations of new beginnings, future surprises and warm reminisces of old good times. Read More

How to have miserable sex

• Don't even give a nod to atmosphere, don't light any candles or turn on any music, leave your bedroom spartan, spend all the real money on your children's room's decor. Keep the temp in the bedroom frigid and complain about her flannels and socks.

• Send flowers... on her birthday... only. And ask for sex... remind her you sent flowers. Romance is over-rated, ask any woman. Read More

Lovers and Partners and Facebook

My spouse wants to Facebook 'friend' a former lover?!? What should I say? ... HELL NO! Read More

Porn Not Warm

I'm a psychotherapist, not a global exploitation expert, and I don't have a huge political agenda (at least not at this time). I simply work really hard with couples to help them learn to love each other better—especially sexually. I know I will disappoint many of you for not outright condemning porn. Others of you will think I'm a stick in the mud for some of what I'm about to say. Read More

What Wives Think Up When their Husband's Penis Falls Down

Lo and behold, the children are launching themselves into the world, there's free time in the house, and ... sex is falling down. Read More

Kitty's On the Grill

Kristina is the young beleaguered mother of an autistic son and teenage daughter, in the new popular television drama/comedy called Parenthood. In a recent episode, Kristina called her husband after a sexual drought with the code words, "Kitty's on the grill!" She was hot to trot. Great line! Read More

Genital Time!

My husband asked me if we should make more fuss about our son's proms and dances. You know, go to the girl's house and take pictures and all that. I told him I can't think about adding one more focus to my life, even though my kid will probably talk to a therapist later on about his mother's lack of interest. Read More

Name That Yoni

In my house, when my three sons were growing up, we called their stuff the Boy Toy. The Stuff is so cool; it crosses the finish-line first! Little boys handle their parts every time they go to the bathroom. In fact, I think they go to the bathroom just so they can admire their Stuff. Read More

Prostate Scare

Dread news: my husband's PSA was quite elevated on a random blood test at work. Measured by a blood test, the Prostate-Specific Antigen, along with a digital rectal exam, are used conjunctively to detect cancer of the prostate. The higher the level, the more likely the presence of cancer. Read More

Risky Business—Part 2

In Part I we discussed the relational risks in marriage for each opposing side of the closeness continuum: pursuers<—>distancers. Ironically the ability to be happier lies in risking what we fear most. Pursuers must risk the fear of abandonment and losing control and distancers must risk the fear of being smothered or being controlled. Read More

Risky Business—Part 1

Maybe my smart, young colleague, fellow PT blogger, Christopher Ryan is right—monogamy is dead. Given our society's current divorce rate; the odds are against us. But what if you want it all and decide to gamble your heart and body in one place? What if you want to have sex worth having and to stay faithful? Read More

Laurie Watson is an AASECT certified sex therapist and licensed couple’s therapist. She lectures at Duke University’s Medical Schooland is the clinical director for Awakenings in Raleigh, North Carolina.

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