Celebrating in Difficult Times

No doubt these are tough times for everybody this year. However, the holidays are usually tough for couples and families. This year will be one of the toughest in recordable memory given the economic conditions, particularly for couples and families that are struggling financially. If you are not one of those people, then count your blessings and be grateful for the positives in your life economically and otherwise.

The message I'm conveying in this first Psychology Today blog is short and simple. That is: In difficult times, but at all times, there are certain things you can always control. One of these things, if you're a parent, is how you treat your children and being the best parent you can be. Focusing on positive connections with your children and focusing on listening to your children and giving your child messages that, no matter what, you will be there for them and care for them and love them. If you're not able to give that message, then you really need to take a look at how you can be a parent who is able to love and care for your child. Maybe getting help by talking to a clergyperson, taking a parenting class or seeing a counselor might be an avenue that is worth following.

If you're lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone who cares for you and loves you, you can maintain control over being the best possible partner you can be--in harsh times or anytime. Here are some of the ideas and suggestions we give couples in retreats and workshops:

*Invest in the relationship in ways that are meaningful to your partner and, no matter what, you should express your appreciation and initiate positive connection--fun, friendship and romance.

*Let your partner know in a voice mail, in an email, in a text message that he or she is important to you, that you're thinking about them, that you love them and care for them.

*And, perhaps most important, celebrate the holidays. Avoid the costly negatives; protect fun and friendship from the need to deal with issues and conflicts. Talk about the issues when you decide to, not in the heat of the moment or when you are celebrating.

Happy Holidays!