While you choose the kind of person we want to be, you are also greatly affected by others. And, much like Michelangelo chiseled beautiful forms from stone, the right partner can help shape you into the person you'd like to be. This Michelangelo phenomenon not only feels intuitively accurate, but there is empirical support for it.

The researchers Drigotas, Rusbult, Wieselquist, & Whitton (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1999) explain that this phenomenon includes a three-step process. First, an individual's perceptions of their partner must fit with their partner's "ideal self" (how he or should would ideally like to be). For instance, Mary would like to be a kinder person, and John sees her as loving. Next, because of these perceptions, the individual acts in ways that bring out those behaviors in their partner. In our example, John asks Mary questions at social functions that bring out her warm, caring nature with others. Finally, the partner becomes increasingly like the ideal self that he or she would like to be. Back to our example, Mary becomes increasingly closer to her ideal self-a more loving person.