Why do we often maintain such a strong grip on our old, unwanted ways?
What blocks many of us from being able to tap well-researched, sound advice?
How can the average person know which self-help book, or therapist, is most likely to help them?
How can I, as a psychologist, know which ways of approaching a problem will be most effective?
These are just a few of the questions that I have asked myself. And, though I have over 20 years of experience in helping people, my questions about creating change persist. I am particularly curious about those who have failed to change despite repeated attempts. So, about a year ago, I decided to dive headlong into addressing these questions-hopeful that I would gain some wisdom that I could pass along in the form of a book.
This blog will chronicle my continued journey into making sense of the diverse (and sometimes seemingly conflicting) psychological research, theory, and wisdom that relates to personal change. My core goals have emerged as:
Explain what motivates people to continue on an unhealthy path
Explain what makes it so hard to change
Identify the various elements that facilitate change
Identify when people need which particular elements
Explore and clarify what helps people who repeatedly fail to change
"Change" can mean eating healthier, maintaining an exercise routine, or overcoming depression or anxiety. It can also mean choosing a new style of clothing, getting organized, or deciding on a new career. Sometimes we get lucky and happen quickly upon an approach to change that works-the right self-help book, a yoga class, or psychodynamic therapy. But, more often than not, change takes persistence. In either case, we usually rely on luck in choosing our method of change.
When picking self-help books, people either peruse the bookshelves or listen to a recommendation from a friend (or Oprah). While both methods are certainly better than flipping a coin, they don't provide any assurance that the book is good for them. And, when people reach out for professional help, they are often in the same dilemma-how do they know that a particular therapist and his or her approach is right for them? Although well-trained therapists have a better idea of what a particular person needs, they are also often at a loss. For example, I once attended a workshop for psychologists that addressed cognitive-behavioral therapies (generally well-researched treatments). Afterward, I asked the presenter, whom I respect, how to know which approaches to try first. His answer; "trial and error."
I don't believe that we can ever determine the "right" approach with the same precision that comes from blood tests, but I also don't think we need to rely on trial and error. With this in mind, I am exploring how to integrate and organize the psychological literature (filling gaps, if necessary).
I know that existing research and theories have already addressed many of these things. But I have not seen them laid out in an accessible (not just for psychologists) way; nor have I seen them integrated into a coherent perspective. Such a perspective can serve as a kind of "user's guide to change."
So, although the journey of personal change is different for us all, I believe that we don't have to guess at which path to take. Even those whose repeated efforts have sent them in circles can do better than just hope against hope that, this time, they haven't chosen another dead end. And it's my hope that my search will result in a user's guide to give this direction; to help us identify what path or paths we each need to follow.
Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps is a clinical psychologist in private practice and is on the medical staff at Somerset Medical Center in Somerville, NJ.
