Making Change

A psychologist provides guidelines to help individuals define their best pathways to change

by Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps

Stop Your Anxiety Now!

If you struggle with worry and anxiety, you know all too well the toll it takes on your life. So, to ease your struggles, learn square breathing. It can help you to relax, refocus, and move forward. Read More

Guest House to Your Emotions

So many emotions occupy all of us each and every day that being fully aware of them can be a challenge – and certainly not always pleasant. However, emotional self-awareness also offers great benefits. It is essential in helping you to feel alive, understand and empathize with others, and make effective decisions in your daily life. Read More

Overcoming Obstacles to Happiness and Success

Nobody gets through life without falling at least sometimes. So, it’s important to be able to handle those setbacks well. By being self-accepting and having compassion for your struggles, you can remain calm during difficult times and be resilient when you fall. Read More

Navigating Your Way to Success

To succeed in life, it's not enough to set a path to your personal goals. You must also know how to negotiate this path, including avoiding pitfalls and obstacles. This requires that you develop self-awareness so that you can attend to, and consciously choose, every step you make. Read More

Four Steps to Happiness and Success

Because emotions come straight from the heart, rejecting them is rejecting a part of you. Running away from them means running away from you. This is a flight without end because you can’t escape yourself. Instead, learn to face and accept your emotions to find peace within yourself, harmony in your relationships, and be engaged and productive at work. Read More

Discouraged Again? Help Yourself Out of the Familiar Hole

Do you have trouble with feeling repeatedly discouraged or depressed? It can feel like being in the bottom of a pit that you can’t climb out of. Then, somehow, you do get out… but only to find yourself there again; and again. It’s a pattern that gets old fast. Fortunately, there is a solution – and it’s in you. Read More

Escaping the Grip of Emotional Pain

If trying to boost your mood leaves you unhappy – or you just keep sinking back into unhappiness – it’s not working. Don’t give up, but do consider an alternative approach. To feel happy, sometimes you first need to embrace being upset. Read More

Formulate an Unbreakable New Year's Resolution

Preparing to make your New Year’s resolution? Get yourself in the right frame of mind. Then use these questions to help ensure that it is a success. Read More

Stop Self-Doubt in Its Tracks and Build Self-Confidence

If you often question yourself and your abilities – personally, professionally, or in other areas in life – then you are holding yourself back from happiness and success. Learn to identify how you do this; and how to build your confidence. Read More

Underappreciated Advice on How To Succeed

Chew your food 32 times before swallowing. This tidbit of advice is a wonderful metaphor for almost any goal; from overcoming anxiety or depression to advancing your career. Read More

The Key to Genuine Success

You know you have attained genuine success when you have achieved your goals and enjoy life. If what you do in your career or other aspects of life leave you feeling empty or uncomfortable with yourself, then it's time to make a change. Read More

Start Today: Feel More Satisfied with Life

Caring, kindness and generosity are the sunshine that can nurture beauty and well-being in yourself and those around you. Commit to them and commit to a happier future. It's simple; and here's how... Read More

When Guilt is Good... and When It's Misplaced

Guilt can be good and appropriate. However, too frequently, people have a misplaced and unnecessary sense of guilt; a feeling they can end, freeing up more energy to help themselves and others. Read More

Personal Change: Realistic Expectations With Positive Thinking

If there were a real psychological mirror you could look into as you assess your personal abilities (much like your car’s side mirror), it would likely have the following message etched in small letters at the bottom: Caution: You may not be as capable as you appear. Read More

Nurture Happiness With Four Life-Changing Considerations

Self-awareness and compassion are often what’s needed for people to make personal changes within themselves and to lead a happy life. People naturally respond to their personal struggles with caring; and with a desire to come through them and to heal. Read More

See Your Imperfect Self As Precious

Do you experience your struggles, mistakes, and imperfections as proof that you are lesser as a person? If so, consider learning to see your flawed self as wonderful. Read More

Your Pay Raise: Does It Feel Like A Good Thing?

Some people are made less happy by a raise in pay. If you are one of those people, here are five paths to happiness. Read More

Stand Up To Self-Bullying

Do you think of yourself as a nice and caring person to others; yet simultaneously criticize and push yourself mercilessly? Instead of continuing this self-destructive behavior, consider learning to treat yourself as well as you treat others; particularly when you are struggling or distressed. Read More

The Right Questions Can Increase Life Satisfaction

"That’s just the way I am." This one belief is responsible for preventing innumerable people from feeling fulfilled. It imprisons them in lives where happiness is dictated by circumstance. But you can challenge this and create a more satisfying life by asking yourself the right questions. Read More

Move Past Your Distress to a Happier Future

With desperation, new patients often ask: "How can I get out of this pain?" Or, sometimes: "Can I get out of this pain?" In finally acquiescing to getting help, they learn what is true for us all—that the only way past chronic emotional pain is to go through it. Here's how to do it. Read More

How to Feel Good When Things Go Bad

Life’s twists and turns can be scarier than any rollercoaster ride out there. Whether you are faced with a lost job, failed health, or personal rejection, such a blow can knock you off your feet. And you might find it almost impossible to get up, never mind feel good about moving on. But, you can get yourself up and back on a good path with self-affirmation. Read More

Surviving And Thriving Through Adversity

The toe of my boot caught the door jam. SLAM. And, that was all it took to turn my immediate future upside down, in so many ways... Through it all, I have been reminded of, and have learned, some important lessons. Read More

The One Word That Can Spur You On to Success

This past weekend, I attended a children’s orchestral program during which the conductor – Thomas Wilkins – emoted in a lively way about music. He also shared one of his favorite words, “yet.” As he explained it, this word can turn any struggle into hope. Read More

The Power of Positive Thinking Revisited

People who view the world through rose-colored glasses are wonderfully optimistic, but their look-only-at-the-positive attitude sometimes sets them up for painful failure. A better way of using positive thinking is to focus on yourself – not your abilities or accomplishments – and to work toward an appreciation of you for just being who you are. Read More

Dr. King and Inner Healing

As Dr. King said, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” This is just as true when that enemy is harbored within. Read More

Make Your New Year's Resolutions Stick

Each time we change to a new calendar, people resolve to do all sorts of things. Unfortunately, these promises inevitably involve setbacks along the way; and so require perseverance. As the Japanese proverb says, “Fall seven times, get up eight.” While this sounds great – very motivational – it does not tell you how to do it. Read More

The Best Gift Ever

The best gift you can ever give those who love you is a healthy you. Sounds hokey (and selfish), right? Well, consider this: If your friends really are your friends, they will want you to be at your best and to be able to enjoy your company when you are at your best; and you will want to be fully there for them when they need you. Read More

Preparing for Thanksgiving... And a Healthier, Happier You

Both personal experience and science tell you that being truly appreciative of the blessings or good fortune in your life is good for you. Here's exactly how it benefits you, and how you can increase your gratitude. Read More

The First Step to Meeting Your Personal Goal

No matter your goal, personal change must include being able to manage your feelings; something psychologists often call affect regulation. Learn to manage your feelings, and you can achieve the "new you" that you strive for. Read More

Quieting Fears of Personal Rejection

Social relationships can bring a sense of connection, happiness, and meaning to our lives. Unfortunately, for many people, they bring anxiety and worry; not to mention loneliness. Though it might feel out of reach, there are ways for them to nurture happy, healthy relationships. Read More

Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in private practice and is on the medical staff at Somerset Medical Center in Somerville, New Jersey.

more...