Paying attention to difference is important in relationships. Read More
typo in the subtitle
what pulled you together *MAY BE* pulling you apart
Would you say then that we are drawn to traits we've experienced growing up? Or if we have a poor relationship with a parent that we're going to find someone the parent dislikes? Ex: bratty rich girl dates poor bad boy.
I'm just curious. :-)
Is Psychology about being judgemental rather than insightful? That Matt was such a gold digger that he didn't even bother going for the alimony he was entitled to, you say? And such a dreamer that he would instead choose rejection over and over again? And you call him a "friend" of yours - lucky guy, who wouldn't want a true friend like you?
My guess is that "Matt" wanted someone to give his life purpose and structure while loving him for what he was. And his ex-wives wanted someone charming and poetic in their stressful lives, but also pragmatic, hard working and useful at the same time. The oppositions were most likely between each person's own wishes.
It is fun for us amateur psychologist to conjure up theory about people's behavior.
However, I think it is absolutely wrong for psychologist to do so, simply because you can never know a full picture to make that judgement.
A theory on a specific person only shows the creativity of the thinker, but often not reflecting the truth.
I've never heard of a relationship yet where the woe-man wasn't dissapointed in the man, so Matt sounds like he's fully up to specifications. What's the problem? Wife is like being a razor: you're always either in hot water or a scrape.
I was just going to reply something like this. Everybody on the planet has been disappointed by one or both parents at some time or another, and everyone has been a disappointment to someone close to them, at least a time or two, or 20.
Whenever a woman is an ambitious high achiever perfectionist, she is going to be disappointed .. Especially in her husbands. Not to mention, a relationship between this same type of woman and man with the same personality and traits? Marital disaster in most cases. SOMEBODY has to be the easy going unambitious sensitive one.
my name is mccart i never believe in spell casting, until when i was was tempted to try it. i and my husband have been having a lot of problem living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more he makes me fell sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me and my husband again. this spell caster who was a woman told me that my husband is really under a great spell that he have been charm by some magic, so she told me that she was going to make all things normal back. she did the spell on my husband and after 5 days my husband changed completely he even apologize with the way he treated me that he was not him self, i really thank this woman her name is Dr Aluta she have bring back my husband back to me i want you all to contact her who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem she will solve it for you. her email is firstname.lastname@example.org, she is a woman and she is great. wish you good time.
From another paradigm, relationships are often used as a means to find wholeness. To become "whole" a easygoing surfer idealizes someone ambitious and successful, traits he lacks or hasn't developed, and in a driven workaholic has unfulfilled needs to relax and be carefree, and idealizes someone like Matt. The problem is that sooner or later the very thing we admire and idealize in someone irritates us when it conflicts with our primary values and personality. The only way to achieve wholeness is to integrate all those parts of ourselves. Then we can bond with a partner based on real mutuality, not clouded by idealization or to make up for our deficits.
Darlene Lancer, LMFT
Author Codependency for Dummies
I am introverted, widely read retired scientist: she is a social
butterfly and the only thing we really agree on is politics.
We celebrated our 49th anniversary this week.
More information about formatting options
Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W., is the author of the book Magnetic Partners.
When and how should we open up to loved ones?