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The film "He's Just Not That Into You" (HJNTIY), released in June on DVD, is a romantic comedy filled with the combination of genuine human insights and annoying clichés that makes Hollywood's account of relationships so confusing to the dating public, and so vexing to behavioral researchers.
There are five half-truths in HJNTIY. The first one is that men have a hard time expressing rejection, and would rather be politely ambiguous than hurt a girl's feelings. The second half truth is that women are prone to look for exceptions to the rule, in order to believe that a man is moving toward interest or commitment. Yet, researchers have determined that men and women are equally likely to display the "MUM effect", which is the reluctance to communicate bad news, and a "confirmation bias", which is the tendency look for information that confirms one's prejudices and hopes.
The third half-truth in HJNTITY is that men's actions are influenced by the level of sexual attraction that they feel for a woman, causing them to pursue a relationship if they are strongly attracted, and procrastinating otherwise. Yet, while research has shown that men are somewhat more influenced than women by a potential partner's physical attractiveness, they are also are influenced by her kindness, sense of humor, and the similarity of interests, all of which can take time to evaluate.
After emphasizing that women should not waste their time on men who are "Just Not That Into You", the film suggests an inconsistent fourth half-truth, which is that confrontation with a balky male can move a relationship forward. Yet, there is no research demonstrating that ultimatums and confrontations are usually effective.
Mercifully, HJNTIT s not a typical male-bashing chick flick; there are even hints that males and females are really not so very different. Unfortunately, the film embodies a fifth Hollywood half-truth: the happy ending. Six of nine characters end up with someone who is into them. Because HYNTIY has most everyone living happily ever after, it may create unrealistic expectations for the audience.
Real romantic relationships are built on talk that takes place across time. Romantic comedies, which thrive on snappy banter, miscommunication, fast pacing, and happy endings can illustrate the ups and downs of relationship initiation, but are much less effective in showing how to do relationships right.
References
Baumeister, R.F. & Wotman, S.R. (1994) Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love. New York : Guilford Press.
Cunningham, M.R.. & Barbee, A.P. (2008). Prelude to a Kiss: Nonverbal Flirting, Opening Gambits, and Other Communication Dynamics in the Initiation of Romantic Relationships. Ch. 5, p. 97-120. In Susan Sprecher, John Harvey & Amy Wenzel (Eds.). Handbook of Relationship Initiation. New York: Psychology Press.
Galician, M. L. (2004) Sex, love & romance in the mass media: Analysis & criticism of unrealistic portrayals and their influence. Mahwah, NY: Erlbaum.
http://www.hesjustnotthatintoyoumovie.com/
Lord, C. G., Ross, L., & Lepper, M. R. (1979). Biased assimilation and attitude polarization: The effects of prior theories on subsequently considered evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37, 2098-2109.
Patterson, B. R; & O'Hair, H. D. (1992). Relational reconciliation: Toward a more comprehensive model of relational development. Communication Research Reports. Vol 9(2), 119-129.
Rosen,S & Tesser, A. (1970). On Reluctance to Communicate Undesirable Information: The MUM Effect. . Sociometry, Vol. 33, No. 3 (Sep., 1970), pp. 253-263.
