Women of all ages are feeling more empowered to discover who they are sexually. They are less afraid that saying “yes” means they’ll no longer be able to say “no.” Read More
I'm sure this article applies to many women, but I can't personally relate to it. My wife has never had an orgasm and has never faked one either. Which is another problem, of course. But at least I'm a man who can say with absolute certainty that my wife never faked an orgasm!
It's really reassuring to know there is a guy out there who married for love and didn't hold it against the woman he was dating that she didn't have orgasms. I have been dumped over and over again simply die to this fact and it is SO FRUSTRATING and makes me so sad! No matter how much I enjoy sex or assure the guy that he is doing a great job and me not having an orgasm is just how I am (it has nothing to do with him!) they never stay. it is always a problem and it is starting to make me hate sex. Just knowing there is a guy out there who is OK with his partner not being able to orgasm from sex makes me feel better. I could care less if I orgasm during sex-it never even occurred to me as a problem until guys kept dumping me over it. I wish I could meet a guy like you who understands that some women just CAN'T no matter how hard they try!
What an interesting comment, thanks for posting! I'm sure there are many women like you, but most probably wouldn't even think of posting. And many of them probably just get by by faking it all the time.
I'm just really curious to know if you've ever tried a vibrator? I don't mean to imply you need to or should try it -- just curious.
I am sure I am missing the point, but what I read here is that men are not only selfish, but they are the reason that women have to fake orgasm. And now they are resentful.
Can men never catch a break. Maybe if women would quit withholding sex, and using it to control, then men would slow down and be more "attentive". Maybe if they didn't feel like it was their last meal.....
I think it really isn't much fun to be a man when it comes to sex (and this is coming from a man that is considered attractive on some levels). Size matters, height matters, and not only that, we have to find a way to keep women from feeling like they have to fake an orgasm, lest they become sexually resentful.
I pretty much give up. I see so many women wanting the perfect man. They want looks and money and the perfect soul/sex mate. Me too.
"Can men never catch a break. Maybe if women would quit withholding sex, and using it to control, then men would slow down and be more "attentive". Maybe if they didn't feel like it was their last meal....."
Maybe if women didn't feel like they were being force fed spam for the hundredth time... they wouldn't be "withholding" it.
'Witholding sex' is such an awful phrase. It implies that sex is something a man or woman is entitled to that's being unjustly witheld. No-one is entitled to sex. If your partner doesn't want to have sex that's his or her right. It's up to you how you deal with it, be that going without, cheating or leaving.
That's exactly right. If your partner withholds sex, it's time to get a new partner. Life is too short.
I've never faked an orgasm in my life. If I don't come and my partner does and then falls asleep I explain that is not decent sex to me as soon as he wakes up. I am also happy to make myself come during love making if my partner is tired or has a broken arm. I attribute my non faking to masturbation from 14 to 19 so when I first had sex and no orgasm I was very disappointed and spoke up about it. I am also a pretty truthful person.
I am sure that women faking it is a typical case of "pluralistic ignorance", the "no one believes, but everyone thinks that everyone believes" effect (look up wiki). It comes into existence because women in the movies and in other forms of public communication always go off like a rocket. Well, it is not true, but no women wants to reveal that she is no rocket when in bed, believing that all other women are rockets. A man does not have to be a rocket scientist to understand this. Hollywood is the biggest liar in this case.
The most powerful illustration of pluralistic ignorance is the fairy tale "The Emperor's New Clothes" by Hans Christian Andersen where all the idiots are admiring the Emperor's New Clothes, although he is naked, only because every other idiot is doing likewise. So a women faking the big O is wearing The Emperor's New Clothes. Which in the typical instance is LITERALLY true.
I have never faked orgasm. I can have several without finger stimulation during intercourse. However, I am tired of monogamy and get board with the same routine in bed. Resentful that porn is made for men and they can get old, ugly, and fat and not be persecuted for it.But still like sex, just want to explore more!!
I believe it is bad to fake, it gives men the wrong impression and makes them sloppy, thinking they can touch you and within five minutes you come! It takes time and patience.
I'm happy to show a man how I come thru squirting or oral sex. I have no problem with masturbation either. I would not fake having an orgasm thru vaginal sex, not many women genuinely do!
...like being interested in whatever it is that you keep bleating incessantly on about.
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I've gone my entire life without faking; until now. I'm with a man whom I love and am intensely attracted to who insists that I should be satisfied with about 1-2 minutes of foreplay and 5 minutes of plowing me like he's a highschool boy who is seeing a naked woman for the first time. I've playfully asked for more stimulation, turned it on him...told him to lie back and given HIM lots of foreplay and come right out and said that i need more kissing, touching licking. Nope, every other woman liked it hard and fast with very little foreplay and there is something wrong with me he says. So now I fake it. I love him and I know he'll never change. This way we're both happy. He gets to be selfish and satisfied, I get it over with quickly and we carry on because we have a great life otherwise. Oh yes, I have a lover who enthusiastically brings me to orgasm 3-5 times when we get together and lucky me...they both have the SAME name. Problem solved!
Yes, it's sad and hilarious. I've heard several stories from men who claim that all of their girlfriends had orgasms during intercourse with them.
You know, porn might be partially responsible for this misconception, no pun intended. If you had a porn video where some wild stud pounds a woman and she doesn't have a screaming orgasm -- well, that would just seem kind of lame to clueless male porn viewers. I mean, all that pounding and she doesn't come?
Im afraid I cant allow myself to have sex without having an orgasm, You need to have a tentative partner who knows that good sex means both partners reaching orgasm. Also never be afraid to use your bedroom toys to help you on your way.
I agree with your approach unfortunately when someone's "goal" is to have an orgasm, there isn't much I can do to change their views of what great sex is. My views can't be changed because I know what I like. Some people are goal oriented and some are pleasure oriented. Sex is like a road trip; for some the destination is when the fun starts and for others the long scenery filled journey there is is what makes it exciting. I'm a journey type of girl.
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Deborah Taj Anapol, Ph.D., is the author of Polyamory in the 21st Century and other books.
It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.