Love Without Limits

Reports from the relationship frontier

Welcome to the Sisterhood of Crones

At the same time elder women's sexuality can be deeper, freer, more authentic and multi-dimensional than ever and her capacity for intimacy and love is generally much greater than in her youth. Read More

As a Crone I wholeheartedly

As a Crone I wholeheartedly agree with what Dr Anapol writes here and I believe that the perception of the Crone is changing. I am glad to be aging now not 30 or more years ago.

Many women spend their youth

Many women spend their youth depending solely on their erotic capital. Then one day hey find that it has all been spent and they have nothing else to bring to the table.

Enough with the word "empowerment"

What does that even mean?

For crying out loud, everything women do seems to "empower" them.

You'd think that every time a woman passes gas, she's empowered.

I'm sorry that old women are

I'm sorry that old women are not sexually attractive.

I'm sorry that as a women ages her sexual capital dwindles.

That's just nature and no amount of "you go girl" talk is going to change that.

Women need to just grow up and accept reality.

Thanks for Writing This

As a male, 70 years old, who is polyamorous with partners who are mostly within five years of my age, I feel that many men have a set of issues that are similar to the ones you express. I have lost several important lovers to death or illness, and men certainly loose both physical attractiveness and, as they retire, their attractiveness as competent professionals. I feel very fortunate that I have a long term life partner, otherloves, and poly friends who are addressing these issues as best we can. Thank you for bringing them up, and thank you for being candid that you don't have all the answers. That is certainly the first step in getting them.

Every year one of my partners and I do a session we call Geezer Poly at Poly Camp Northwest, large poly family gathering. Each year we explore some of these issues, and the attendees include younger and older people. It would be great if you could join us this year.

Crones and Identities

Great to hear positive feedback. If you like this blog and want to see more like it, please recommend it to your friends and share on your social networks.

Some say the word Crone is not appealing. Anyone have a better word?

"Old", "Unappealing",

"Old", "Unappealing", "Icky"....

pick one, they're all good.

I wonder who you are, there

I wonder who you are, there is great beauty as well as wisdom in age. I remember seeing photos of the painter Geargia O'Keef as a young woman and being impressed by her beauty. I had a similar feeling when I bathed my 93 year old mother. Not the lets make babies beauty of a woman of child bearing age but still beauty and a sacred sexy beauty of the Spirit. I reach out to you and say
, the erotic is with us til the end.

The C word

My sweetie who I do the Geezer Poly session with also does a workshop on loving an older woman. She first called it "Loving a Crone" but took such flack that she changed it to "Loving a Seasoned Woman." I'm happy to stick with Crone, though. As I understand it, it has an honorable history even if people have maligned it.

By the way, we take a lot flack for using the word "geezer". Even worse was the year I wrote in the session description that it was for people 55 and older, and younger people could attend but they had to sit in the back and keep quiet. :-)

At an early Poly Camp there was a session on line families. One sweet young thing raised her hand as asked, "Does that mean that the twenty somethings have to have sex with the 60 somethings? Ewwwww!" I thought, "Does that mean the 60 somethings have to talk to the 20 somthings? Ewwwww!"

I'd say "eeeewww" to the

I'd say "eeeewww" to the whole thing.

The word Crone is perfect!

What a great article, thank you for sharing it.

I vote for the title Crone! its perfect.

As I have attempted to negotiate the trial of life through girlhood, young woman/mother/wife, I have often keenly felt the lack of guidance and wisdom from older women, but oddly enough have begun to feel wisdom settle in. I often warn younger women that they may have to ask me to stop talking once the subject of life comes around.

Your article brought to mind the book Women Who Run with the Wolves,by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, that was the first book I read that felt like real, useful guidance from other women.

Thanks again and I would love to see more articles on this topic.

Great post! Yay older women

Great post! Yay older women aren't invisible after all! At least we see each other :)

I LOVE the word crone. And it's those wearing the label who should choose it. If we're self-validating then we don't need or want to grovel under any less of a word than the one we choose for ourselves.

I like hag too btw. I've had my fairy-tale-princess phase and my queen of the castle phase. I'm so ready for the next step!

Yes, it's almost crone time for me!

Deborah, thank you for laying out some of the issues our culture has about Elders. When I was younger, and still bleeding, I didn't understand Crone, and did not like the word. I associated it with wicked witches and stepmothers (both of which I now adore). Then as suddenly as I realized my menopause was completing, I began to grow into the title, and I hope the wisdom, of Crone. And I have every intention of being sexy and sexier till I shed this body!

The word crone just doesn't do it for me.

I'm sorry but as a woman of a certain age, I don't appreciate being labeled a crone. To me that is akin of calling me an old hag or witch. It is right up there with old geezer and old fart for older men. I think we elders deserve a more dignified nomiker. How about grand dame? That is sophisticated and even sexy.

Crone

I like elder, Grand Dame would be great in a Femdom play scene but otherwise it's seems a bit pretentious.
I am a Pagan witch and still have some trouble with the word Crone. Almost all words for females are tainted by a couple of thousand years of women negative culture...many folks are working to reclaim whore, cunt, slut, and other words about sex or a sexual woman. While being a sexual woman is looked down on being older or unattractive is too. Traditionally, as women we couldn't win. Things are changing!

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Deborah Taj Anapol, Ph.D., is the author of Polyamory in the 21st Century and other books.

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