There is a curious American statistic.  It starts with the fact that most Americans only get two weeks (or less, or none) paid vacation a year. This is bizarre in and of itself. (For example, all French citizens have a guaranteed six weeks time off). However, the weirdest part of that fact is the next part: that only half of Americans who have them, take their vacation at all. This strange behavior has to be revisited.

I understand that for some people the income is crucial. It's a matter of eating and having a place to sleep.  That's a larger and more difficult subject. But let's talk about the people for whom the difference is not having another TV set, or having to get lower priced jeans. That is the greater population affected. It is to you that I speak--and in some ways, to all of us.

Vacations are not a luxury. Our health, mental and physical, requires down time. And not just a day's unscheduled relaxation--but enough time so that your heart rate slows, your mind has time to consider the future as well as the present, and your relationship gets a firm and happy foundation upon which to grow or heal. Since my primary professional expertise is in relationships, I am going to concentrate on that last fact--but of course the issue of your mental and physical health is not a small item.

Relationship stability and happiness however, is a big enough topic all by itself. I believe even the longest relationships need time to rediscover why they exist. The centrifugal force of everyday life is enormous. It is easy to be thrown away from each other by work, by children, by everyday tasks and by the losses and challenges of the lives of friends and family.  It is easy to get into perfunctory kisses, efficient handling of daily necessities and skimming along the surface of who you are, or could be, together. Months and months of this kind of life make it seem like the only kind of life possible--and that isn't so. Sure, people who have gotten into a long distance relationship even while living together can go see a therapist--but sometimes that only exacerbates the situation.  A relationship needs the strength earned by pleasure and play and intimacy if it is going to tackle its weak points.  Often people go see a therapist when they are at their lowest point--and when they try and rebuild it is hard because it has been so long since they have had rewarding, passionate and joyful moments together.

Honestly, I think that the easiest and best step to rebuilding that bond is time together that is unscripted and away from the usual activities that make life busy with everything but each other. Instead of staying home and "catching up with chores" for the holidays, a three day hike, a car trip, 
or an adventure of some kind can have a more romantic and emotionally enriching effect than you might think. I was just in DC, for work, and I was right across from the National Portrait Gallery-a place I had always wanted to see- but never had taken the time to actually go inside. I had a few hours to myself and I was astonished to discover what a fantastic place the Portrait Museum was. Even someone who is not crazy about art would love the hall of the Presidents where famous and unknown portraits and photographs of all of our Presidents bring history alive in the most entertaining way. I thought to myself- what a great long weekend it would be to come with my partner and see a few of the great places like this one that our capital has to offer. Summer rates on hotels are attractive--and there are very reasonable flight, hotel and museum packages. What fun it would be!

But it's more than fun. It's experiencing something engaging together. It is having a new set of interesting topics to discuss. It is time for holding hands and making plans.

I am firmly convinced that if we took more of these times for each other that the divorce rate would be lower. Even day trips would make a difference--but a few days or more are the best tonic I can think of for an affection starved relationship or one that just needs a small shot of romance to feel reinvigorated. The best conversations happen under happy, enjoyable and open, unstressed, unhurried time. Take a vacation this summer. It's not a matter of whether you need it or not--believe me, you need it.