Love Lessons

Everything you need to know about love and sex.

Pepper Schwartz is Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. See full bio

August 25, 2009, Media

Did Madoff’s Penis Punish the Public?

In what ways does size matter?

Madoff's mistress has a new book out detailing her affair with everyone's most hated financial advisor. In her text she notes that he has a small penis, and while that didn't seem to inhibit their sexual pleasure, she mentions it partially, I assume, in revenge for his treatment (emotional and financial) of her, and partly because she thinks it may somewhat explain his personality.

What do you think? Did Madoff's grandiosity emanate at all as compensation for his small penis? Did he know that his wealth would help women overlook the fact that he was under endowed? She seems to think so. Or, was he naturally arrogant, insidious and pathologically unconcerned with the welfare of others? Would he have behaved exactly as he did if he had a very large penis?

I know this seems ridiculous- but like many exaggerations, there is an interesting particle of truth in this. The truth is that no matter how many times we can say a more elegant version of "it's not the meat, it's the motion", only a few men will buy it. If there is a person out there who has not received a penis enlargement ad on the internet, please let me know. You must be very special or have a better spam guard than I do. That is, however, not my only piece of data on this subject. As a person who has answered people's sex questions for over thirty years, I can tell you that one of the most common ones from men, is some variation of "how do I enlarge my penis?". I have met men who have tried operations, weights (I'm not kidding) and various kinds or worthless herbs and creams. I have talked to men who are totally miserable because they believe their penis does not measure up.

Is this all in their head? Well, not entirely. When we watch porn movies, at least here in the United States, there is an emphasis on bigness. Women's breasts are often gigantic and the men who are picked to be their partners are, I assume, chosen for being well endowed as well as highly disciplined and controlled. Men often take their cue from these pictures and compare themselves to these porn stars (which is a bit like judging one's singing ability to an opera star). And of course both men and women eroticize what their culture eroticizes. So while most women don't care about size, some women do. And if a man with a small penis meets one of those women, it can be a deflating experience.

So, could a penis inferiority complex cause a man to pillage small cities or rape an entire economy? I don't think so-at least I hope not. But people do obsess about what they perceive as their sexual inadequacies, which is a damn shame. There are so many ways to be a great lover-and having a big penis is not required. Maybe if we could get away from bragging about body parts and think about all the ways we can make love, we'd all be better lovers-and maybe, just maybe, not turn our shame or insecurity into a difficult to dangerous personality profile.