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Dad's Day is upon us and an issue in the press bears heavily on the question of: What is a Dad? The famous case before us is the sad legal battle of the American Dad whose wife kidnapped their child on the pretext of visiting her parents and took him to Brazil. When she died in childbirth, an ironic twist if there ever was one, her husband refused to let his stepchild go home to his biological father. All of America, as far as I can tell, was incensed and even Congress and Hillary Clinton got involved to protect the Dad's rights. The whole affair turned into an international incident, calmed but not solved, by the supreme court of Brazil's unanimous decision to return the child. The child and father will be reunited, as it should be, but unpopular as this sentiment might be, there is also the question of the step father- will he ever be allowed to see his step son again?
He has fought for custody of this child- and has certainly tried to stop the biological father from vesting his rightful relationship with his child. On the other hand, his only possible motivation for doing so was because he loved this child and had assumed a father relationship with him. While I am not excusing his behavior, I must say that no one proposed a solution wherein the step father could have visiting rights- in fact, not one commentator talked about his loss.
We give lip service to the idea that biological, adoptive and step parent relationships have equal emotional legitimacy and perhaps, in some cases, legal equality. But in this case, there was no sympathy for the man who previously parented this child to be owed any further contact with the child. I don't think we should let the unfortunate facts of this case obscure the larger issue: step Dads and adoptive Dads have important parenting roles and develop deep commitments and passionate love for their children. They need recognition on Dad's Day just as much as biological Dads do. There are many adopted children or children of step Dads who thank a higher power that a step dad or adoptive dad (or sometimes a foster Dad) came into their life and blotted out the imprint of a destructive or absent biological father or added to an already good family. Biology is important- but sometimes it is not enough to create a good enough bond between father and child.
So as we celebrate this holiday-and I think we should- lets think about all those men who love and care for children. Some of them are coaches, teachers, ministers and counselors. Others are Dads and step Dads who participate fully in a child's life. Let's support all the men, just as we celebrate all the women, who try and give children love, guidance, support and a better life. We need every man who has good will, generosity and loyalty to children. No one who loves a child in a positive and constructive way should be considered expendable.
