Ok, so a recent Gallup poll says that over 90 per cent of people disapprove of marital non-monogamy. That makes sense: none of us like the idea of someone we love flirting with someone else much less having sex with them. It hurts to even think about it.
But let's face an awkward fact: depending on which study you read, over a lifetime approximately 25 to 50 per cent of married men and women are going to cheat on their partner. Make that 50% plus of cohabiters. Same sex couples are not exempt, either.
But what do we do about it? We make it our number one immorality in polls even though we know that the flesh is weak-and especially weak among those who crave adoration, fame and have the advantages of power and money-in other words, most politicians and world leaders.
We not only try and deny this reality- even this thought, but we have historically tried to criminalize this behavior. I suppose we figure if we can't change human nature we can at least jail it. A case in point, the state of South Carolina makes "habitual carnal intercourse:" outside of marriage a crime potentially punishable with incarceration.
Adultery used to be one of the few legal ways to get a divorce in the United States (though not in every state) and a lot of states have, like South Carolina, laws on the books that haven't been invoked for quite some time.
Still, the legislators fondness for showing that they know which road is the morally high one, has kept them from extinguishing these inactive laws. No one seems to want to show that they voted against criminal consequences for Sexual Tresspass.
It might also be true that laws against " habitual carnal intercourse" are one of those laws that would be used so selectively as to be always, on the face of it, well, immoral. Because according to inferences from research, and certainly according to appearances, we'd have to incarcerate most of the politicians and about half the state. It seems like an unwise use of taxpayer money.'
Still, no one wants to accept the truth: our sexual and emotional backstage is not the same as our performances up front. Husbands and wives and conjugal partners of all kinds will have these ruptures and they will be hurtful and sometimes unravel the relationship. Other times however, they will happen and never be discovered, or happen and make the partners live with a new kind of honesty that might lead to long term preservation of the couple.
No one thinks the discovery of what is almost always perceived as a betrayal is easy or desirable. Still, it happens. And to pretend it doesn't or to try and demonize it as a criminal act, is ridiculous. In fact, most couples now say that discovery of a partner's affair would not be an automatic end to the marriage. There is more to marriage or commitment in a couple than sexual fidelity--important as it is. If spouses have the fortitude, they can go to counseling or communicate on their own about how and why an affair happened, and eventually, survive it.
In any case, the issue should be out of the courts, and out of the public eye. Governor Sanford made it our business by disappearing while on duty, and even by using taxpayer funds. But that just shows that passion can make anyone stupid. As unattractive as it is to see a public official or celebrity's inner sexual world stripped open for all of us to see--lets not forget that for most people, this is an intensely private issue--and a common one.
