"Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I'm not going to if you don't approve of it, but please approve of it." Those were Will Smith's words in 2005. Read More
What appears to be more common in marriage is one partner unilaterally withdraws intimate expression and retires to the recliner and leaves the other, intimate wise, swinging in the wind. Then refuses to talk about it.
The marriage turns sexless in a nonmutual manner.
The emotional damage done is just as bad, or worse, then overt sexual infidelity.
Covert sexual infidelity and overt sexual infidelity are full brothers to each other.
They BOTH involve intimate disenfranchisement of the other spouse.
Monogamy is very difficult to maintain, I think, its because mainly we might be living in conditions and situations that induce people to cheat and make our "fidelity line" fuzzy.
I think situations are a strong contributor to infidelity. City living for example offer a lot of opportunity and conditions that troubles the mind and induce cheating, with its physically and mentally stressful conditions (noise, heat, crowded conditions, long working hours, boring workplaces). With such unhealthy conditions, its no wonder people act irrationally.
Some people have lifestyle that just makes non-cheating miraculous. Actors, politicians, models, athletes, etc. are constantly bombarded with situations that brings out the evil inside us.
Not to mention porn, magazines, and the like that plays havoc to our sexuality.
Still, I would like to know how could monogamy can be more enticing, more pleasurable. In what way that having just one partner be the best idea ever. What situations and conditions makes this thing happen.
Really I believe we could be monogamous... it just require some work and maybe research and lots of changes.
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Linda Young, Ph.D., is a psychologist and relationship coach whose work has appeared on or in CNN, NPR, The Oprah Magazine, and USA Today, among others.
It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.