Eyes downcast, Sari said, "I feel so sad and I don't feel like doing anything for Christmas but for Joanie's sake, I have to."
"The holidays can be fulfilling or empty depending on where you're at." I remarked.
Lifting her eyes up but not her spirits, Sari said "Well, I'm definitely not feeling fulfilled. I know I have my family but then there's New Year's Eve. In the past, I was with Alan, but this year he's going to visit his parents in Florida."
I commiserated with her and recalled that her marriage had not been a good one for a while now. "I'm so sorry."
Still looking forlorn, Sari said "No it's OK; this is nothing new. Maybe it's a good thing. He's been so hurtful and cruel that I really can't stand him near me."
"Sometimes it's better to be alone than with someone who's hurtful to you." I suggested.
"I know, but I keep thinking about the dream we had and that we don't have it anymore. I hate being alone. I feel so lonely." Tears welled up in her eyes.
Sari was indeed feeling lonely as was Scott. Here's a little about him.
"It is over a year since Liz left. I've dated lots of women, but at the end of the day, I haven't found my soul mate. I dread New Year's Eve."
I asked "Why's that?"
His brown eyes grew dark. "Everyone is rejoicing, kissing each other, letting go of an old year and happily ushering in a new one. I feel out of it all. Actually, the hoopla highlights how lonely I feel."
And so for Scott as for Sari New Year's Eve is the loneliest night of the year. Is it for you?
If you are feeling sad and lonely this holiday season, rest assured you are not alone. So many women and men are feeling lonesome.
Here are some thought to keep you company.
1. Allow your feelings to emerge fully so that you feel the sadness, the disappointments, the emptiness, and the despair. Let it all hang out.
2. Limit the negativity to a maximum of one day so that it does not become entrenched into the brain. Then begin to plan for your big night either alone or with friends.
3. If you have friends that get together on New Years' Eve, reach out and ask to join them. If you choose to stay home this is really a safe choice as people do drink and drive that night.
4. Although you may not be connecting with an intimate partner right now, connections to your self can help make this a special night.
5. Close your eyes and sit in comfortable position, taking slow deep breaths. Focus on your breath, the sound of your voice, the feeling of your fingers, your toes, your inner soul and body.
6. As you get deeper into the experience, take stock of all for which you feel grateful ─ health, friends, family members, pets, pleasurable experiences during the year, and so forth.
7. Prepare a special meal for yourself along with your favorite wine.
8. Read a good book, watch a movie on TV, or engage in any other experience that you enjoy.
9. Before you retire, luxuriate in a soothing bubble bath.
10. Acknowledge that the loneliest night was not so lonely after all.
11. Neuroscientific research shows that imagination can change the brain. So to rewire the brain, imagine positive experiences. Expect the best and chances are you will act in such a way to fulfill your positive expectations.
My wish it that the New Year will bring you satisfying, fun-filled, loving experiences.
Email: drpraver@cs.com
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