What do Tiger Woods and Eliot Spitzer have in common? For one thing, both of these men led a secret life. For another, they are male. What about women, do they have secret lives? Obviously women lead secret lives, but for the most part, these secret lives are not as prevalent as those of men.
Why so?
Historically, societal gender roles play a part, a large part. The double standard goes back to biblical times. King Solomon ─with his 700 wives and 300 concubines ─ sure beat Tiger Woods ─with his paltry nine lovers. Back then if a woman strayed she was stoned to death. Tragically, we still hear of adulterous wives stoned to death in areas of Africa and the Middle East.
In the first century BC Greece, excising of the clitoris was practiced to prevent female infidelity. These ghastly practices persist today among African and fundamentalist Muslim women.
The more modern nineteenth century gave men even greater license to cheat. Women in turn were subjected to atrocities at the hands of sadistic male gynecologists. Not only did these gynecologists perform clictoridectomy to prevent adultery, but also to prevent masturbation.
There is, however, a strange twist to the double standard. Whereas adulterous women have been condemned, punished, and seen as outcasts, the ‘other' woman is seen in a far different light. Despite the fact that a married man cannot cheat without the ‘other ‘woman, she is not assailed but applauded publicly. Indeed, her life is not exactly secret.
Remember the courtesan of the nineteenth century ─the glamorous seductress of powerful married men? Hardly a tawdry slut, she was well paid, well dressed, and well versed in politics and the art of pleasing men. In Eastern society, the gorgeous Geisha was trained in her arts from early childhood. Again, she was highly respected. As for today, Diary of a Geisha along with Memoirs of a Geisha are best selling books.
How do other mistresses fair? Eliot's mistresses included Ashle Dupre whose beauty was plastered over the pages of the print, electronic media. Sure enough, her singing video on YouTube became an instant hit and, if you google her in, she is now a respected expert on women who have sex with married men. You would never know her fame came on the heels of her career as a prostitute catering to married men!
As for Tiger's mistresses, not only do these women delight in telling their story of heartbreak on TV, they may even get a big book deal! Alas, these women claim they fell madly in love with Tiger. That he was married crossed one of his mistress's minds, but she claims that she loves him and misses him. Shall we sympathize with her? I hope not. Yet, numerous online support groups offer sympathy, support, and help for women who loved and lost married men.
How do we account for this discrepant view of woman? Perhaps it is the titillation of the forbidden, the gaudy, and the sordid sexual escapades. Indeed, when it comes to titillation, the double standard is set aside. In our oversexualized media-driven culture, men who cheat and the women with whom they cheat, fascinate equally.
Strange times we live in, wouldn't you say?
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